Day 15 Two Week Check In

During the last two weeks has your pain been moving around? How has this affected your belief in this diagnosis?

During the last two or so weeks I have noticed that my pain has moved around a bit. I have had some tinnitus in my ear which typically doesn't last for long but for some reason is now and I had pain in my left calf muscle which I have never felt any pain in before. It is interesting to me how I will have more pain on a day that I don't do anything out of the ordinary. I think I would subconsciously ignore this previously because I wasn't worrying about doing "nothing" and how doing "nothing" would cause any pain. But now I am paying attention to the fact that I am having pain and not doing anything physically to create the pain which makes no sense. I also wasn't looking for psychological stressors just physical stressors when I was having any pain. The fact that my pain isn't constant day to day makes me believe that I have TMS. It wouldn't make any sense for my neck to hurt only on Tuesday when I am doing nothing and then not have any pain the next day while I am busy applying to jobs and journaling. And it definitely does not make sense that I would have pain shift from my neck to my head to my back to my leg if something was wrong structurally. I am still working on seeing these things as they are happening and not days later but progress is progress. I also have had pain doing an activity weeks previously without pain and now I can't seem to do those activities due to pain, that makes no logical sense! I was walking 30 minutes every other day about a month ago and it felt really good, but one day I went on a walk and my neck and shoulders just randomly started to spasm. Now I am having difficulty convincing myself to walk because I am scared of the pain and anytime that I do go on a walk, I can't think about anything besides monitoring the pain or actively NOT monitoring the pain (pink elephant type scenario). BUT IT MAKES NO SENSE!! I haven't had any new injuries since I was able to walk without pain a month ago. I can see in my head that because of the one day I had a negative bodily reaction to walking that now I worry about it happening every time I walk and I can't get out of my head. I see that that is crazy but no one wants to do anything that might cause them pain. However, I know I am making progress when I think back to when I had that painful day walking that has made this link between walking and pain in my brain when I can look back at that time and recognize that I was also under a lot of stress. I have to think psychologically!

 

That's a pretty common TMS pattern. Sarno wrote about it in HBP... the person whose symptoms show up when they sit down to relax. Since I read his book in '99 'IF' I get a little relapse it is invariably in that pattern. It's almost like unconscious is afraid that if I get too much time to relax, I might figure it out, so it amps up the pain.
I will usually use that particular time to sit still and really get lost in asking myself questions..... why do I need the pain to keep me from relaxing? (I think I am a bum and always behind so I don't deserve to relax)
As long as I am good and distracted with work or the usual every day struggles, I am fine... but sitting still? No way.

which is of course proof positive it is TMS. It always goes away when confronted. Keep going , your right on time.

 

gray118: With me tinnitus is one my classic stress responses (that and having to pee very frequently). When I am stressed or worried my ears ring. If I take a Xanax it goes away, or reduces significantly. It's almost like an alarm bell in my head that tells me if my issues are real physical ones, or just from stress.

 

@JanAtheCPA: That is really interesting (about Tylenol potential benefit as calming agent). That sort of makes sense: as I understand it, it is believed the mechanism for acetaminophen is that it affects the central nervous system and how the pain is perceived (as opposed to ibuprofen more affecting whether or not the pain signal is even sent to the brain. At least that's kind of my understanding). Yes, for me, using any kind of drug is basically just a kind of temporary bridge to remind your brain what it is like to feel more normal. Particularly for being able to get a good night's sleep which is super important to any kind of healing and well-being. Regards

 

Just a little heads up... 1gram of tylenol is entry level toxic dose. On the PDR paracetamol has one of the steepest effective -toxic -DEATH graphs..... In fact, it's probably one of the most deadly over the counter meds available. It also builds up over time.
When I was addicted to dope, they weren't worried about how much opiate I had ingested but rather how much tylenol was bound into the stuff. (That's when I started snorting Roxy and heroin, but that's another post)
Regardless, never treat the stuff lightly. Liver failure is waiting in the bushes. They sell a product at GNC called NAC (neuro acetyl cysteine) and it can stop a tylenol overdose by blocking it's absorption...

peace