Update During Educational Program

Hey everyone,

Some may remember I posted a few weeks ago about where I was at. I wasn't a book cure unfortunately, but my back pain definitely changed as I read the book in strange ways. The program is telling me now is about the time to get an update, so here I am.

When I first started reading Sarno, I couldn't get out of bed without uncontrollable back spasms. Took an MRI and found a herniated disc.

Nowadays, I'm walking a lot again (hours each day since I live in a European city with no car) and have been able to do my job much easier than several weeks back. Here are some victories that I would like to share:

• I walk for hours everyday with minimal or no pain in my back
• I have continued doing house chores that involve kneeling, bending over, or hunching over with minimal to no pain
• I have continued to do physical therapy, but I'm framing it as a way to prove to myself I can move my body and that I'm healthy, rather than framing it as a necessity for a broken body.
• I took a trip to a nearby town! Sitting in the car and having no place to lie down has been a constant trigger, but I was able to last week which was encouraging!

Quick story about the trip. Most of my back spasms have started during or directly after a trip, so for months I've stayed put. However, I decided I was feeling better enough to take a short day trip - just about an hour away by car and back again. I was feeling confident, but when I got the text that my friend's car was ready outside, I began shaking like a leaf. I was suddenly terrified of getting in the car. My legs were shaking out the door, and I could barely lift them to get in. It made me realize I was dealing with a very real phobia. I recently read The Way Out by Alan Gordon, so in the car I just practiced mindfulness and telling my brain that I was in a safe situation. And I overcame it. This moment really helped solidify that it's not necessarily something inherently wrong, but that I am very afraid of the pain which primes me to detect any sensation as pain.

Here are some things I'm still working through:

• Planning a big trip back to the US for the summer and looking at jobs. I'm very fearful of anything that involves usage of my back - trying to bust through that fear
• Mornings are still difficult for me. When I wake up I feel stiff and get worried I will have back spasms, so inevitably, I immediately hurt almost every morning for an hour or two. And sometimes do have tiny spasms that, thankfully, haven't yet turned into a spasm attack. It's hard to regulate fear thoughts or concern right when my alarm starts to ring. So I would appreciate any advice on that.
• Benches, stools, and wooden chairs are still very difficult for me to use. Despite telling myself I'm safe, within 15 minutes or so, my back starts to ache.

And that's about it. Thank you for reading, for anyone who does. If anyone has encouragement, reassurance that this is the right path, or advice about what I'm still working through, I would be very appreciate. I haven't commented much because I'm still learning, but I'm reading a lot of what you guys say and am absorbing some of the info here. Thanks guys!

 

Thanks a lot for your update. it sounds like you are doing pretty well which is really great. i am sure that if you continue the work, your remaining issues will disappear as well. by the way, it is great to see somebody else from Europe here!

 

You are on the right track. Keep showing your brain you are safe and there is nothing dangerous going on. Keep doing things.

Here’s a great recent post by @Diana-M https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/do-things.29492/ (Do things!!!)

 

Hi, @CrabDiver
You are doing great! You faced your fear and didn’t let it stop you. This takes amazing bravery! And every time you do something anyway, you are telling your TMS brain that you want your life back. I’m starting to believe this is the only way to win.

I have a lot of debilitating symptoms— not backaches like you— but similar reactions from my body. The fear and panic, the dread of doing things, feeling trapped and hopeless. Lately I started to do a little exercise program. I’m somewhat housebound. I was afraid to do the exercises because I thought they would make me worse. I thought my TMS would make me pay. It did make me pay a little bit. I got some pain. But I was determined I didn’t care what would happen. I just want to get free. And now it’s turning out for me. I’m feeling stronger and better and I’m also telling my TMS brain that I’m not going to live like this anymore.

You asked for encouragement and advice, and I would give you this— you are 100% on the right track! Keep doing things! If something is scary to you, that’s the thing you should do. And, while you are doing it, don’t be victimized. Instead, you be the aggressor. Pretend like it’s a battle between you and your TMS brain. And you are fighting to the death. How hard would you fight?

I think pain is such a prison. It’s a mental prison more than anything else. You start to believe that you can’t do anything and that your life is going to stay small. You give up your dreams. I’m starting to realize I need to dream much bigger. And I need to defy all odds and do these things anyway no matter how much pain I’m in—even if I pass out from pain, or faint from panic, or embarrass myself in public. Aren’t these honestly small prices to pay for freedom?

You are already brave! I’m very impressed by what you’re doing— and inspired! Keep it up, brother! You’ll get free!

Here’s a good quote for you by John Sarno in The MindBody Prescription.(Such a great book, by the way! Start on page 139.)

“Fear is better than pain as a distractor. We must prove to our brains that we know what is going on, that we are not misled and, above all, that we are not intimidated or afraid. This is a contest, between our logical conscious and our irrational unconscious. It is truly a tale of two minds.”