Day 19 Walking Advice

I was just reading through the old threads about the fear of walking and I've found the advice there really helpful. The one thing I find is personally missing for me is that I cannot physically but my left foot fully on the ground. Putting the heal down is the issue as I feel an intense, stretching-like pain down my calf. I have pain in my right calf too but can put the full foot down. It's important to note that I can occasionally put the foot down briefly and I can get it down further when wearing shoes/insoles.

The loss of walking has affected me the most with all of this and whilst I'm definitely going to try the advice from these threads, I was wondering if anyone else had any other advice for my specific problem? I have had lots of tests and examinations, no physical issues have ever been found at all. No blood clots, no muscle issues, no nerve issues, no injuries - nothing. I am 100% certain this is TMS, that's why I'm here... but the fear is still very much winning.

I was also wondering if perhaps I should try very short walks without a crutch/walking stick? I always walk (well, limp) around my home without a crutch and I do believe using the crutch is keeping me in this fear cycle and keeping up the expectation that I will have pain. Or maybe I should start with trying to stand with my foot properly down - but I have tried this before with physiotherapy and I fear this might fall too much into the side of "testing myself/my pain" and putting too much focus on the physical.

Thanks in advance, I'm really interested in reading what people think!

 

I once had a TMS relapse that involved pain whenever I bent over. My TMS brain immediately interpreted this as "I can't bend over." I eventually realized this was TMS, and knew there was nothing physically wrong preventing me from bending over. So I challenged the pain. I leaned into it, while "talking to my brain". I told myself out loud that there is nothing wrong with my body, so I could bend over if I wanted or needed to. The pain eventually disappeared and I've been fine ever sense.

You have ruled out physical causes for your foot/calf pain, so you have the "all clear" to treat the pain as TMS. So I suggest you try walking around as normally as possible while telling yourself the pain is a faulty signal, and there is nothing wrong with your body.

Usually pain is a signal that we need to back off, but with TMS it is a false sign. So don't believe it and you'll eventually be fine.

And welcome to the Forum!

 

Good advice from Ellen! This is exactly what I did (had pain bending over & it didn't make any sense).

 

@eluna I would also suggest regularly spending some time visualising walking with no problems... imagine and remember how it felt to have your foot touch the ground with no discomfort or pain. It teaches your brain that you can, and it is safe, to walk normally.

 

I should add that it is important to also explore the psychological reasons that your brain is creating this distraction. Are you doing one of the programs to explore this? Let us know if you'd like recommendations on this.

 

Hi, @eluna
Oh my goodness walking is my worst problem right now. My TMS brain found something to really terrorize me with. I know you know. Not being able to walk is pretty dire and really grips your fear about life. How will you live?

Whatever we believe, is true. If we believe we can’t walk, we can’t. It all comes down to that. But walking is tricky because it’s not necessarily pain —it’s like an inability. My left leg is totally uncooperative— And the more anxiety I have the worse it gets. If I’m having very bad symptoms, it will tilt to the left and I’ll be walking on the edge of my left foot. I can’t lift my left leg very well, which also makes it hard to walk. So I gave in to using a cane and then I even still couldn’t walk— so I gave in to a walker. I’ve been using a walker for the last year. And because I was so ashamed of using a walker, I didn’t leave my house. It has really been one heck of a ride for me with this round of TMS!

Every once in a while, I’ve had these rare moments where I feel more coordinated. And I wonder why is that happening? It makes me realize that this all isn’t really true. It’s just my TMS brain making it happen. You and I could walk if our TMS went away. Plain and simple— But not so simple!

Over the last year of extensive study of all things TMS, etc., I have realized that there is virtually nothing that the TMS brain can’t do. It can make you think you can’t walk. It can make one leg shorter than the other. It can make people think they can’t bend over. It’s just insane!

 

So true! I keep trying to remember to shift to how actually it is pretty amazing and am in awe of how it can actually do it! At one of the many intense times of symptoms, I read a case study (yup, was deep in the research phase - sigh) and it scared me so much - I literally woke up with the visible physical symptom!

 

I completely understand feel your pain, it has felt very dire struggling with walking over the last year or so. I was on two crutches for a while but back down to one. At my absolute worst, I couldn't walk at all and felt like I needed a wheelchair but I felt so ashamed that I just refused and didn't leave my bed until things improved. This was actually the point where I went diving into the internet and finally learnt about TMS.

You're absolutely right about it not just being pain - it feels like I'm just physically incapable of doing it. It's as if I'm too weak and can't stretch my left leg out enough so it just feels awkward and shorter than the other.

However, I did read all of these comments before (apologises to everyone for only just replying) and I've really taken the advice on board which has been helping. I've been walking further distances without the crutch and not putting my shoes on (which have special insoles in) just to walk around the house. I talk to my brain and take deep breaths when I'm feeling nervous. I'm already seeing such a positive difference which is amazing.

Thank you all for the advice, I'm feeling much more confident about returning to normal with walking.

 

Fantastic!

 

This is wonderful, @eluna !
Looking forward to continuing to hearing more as you continue on your journey!

 

Thank you! It's great to have a place to share and connect

 

I just wanted to update and thank everyone for their advice - my walking has improved so much! Sometimes I still use the crutch but not nearly as much and I'm gaining more confidence every day.

I'm really enjoying walking around my park, I take photos with my camera which helps me not focus on the fear or how "well" I'm walking. Yesterday, I was excitedly walking around, watching some parakeets. It's so exciting to be able to do these things again!

With all the time I've spent stuck in bed or just sat on a bench watching everyone else walk around over the last year and a half, I never imagined I'd get back to this place and it's a wonderful feeling.

 

Hello, I'm new here. How can I find other threads about walking pain please? I can put my foot down and walk...but it hurts. I'm waiting for MRI results and am having physio. I am aware these will undermine the TMS recovery theory, but I'm scared to have another 'relapse' in pain if I give up the crutches.... People will think I'm making it up and I won't be able to go back! I'm also scared if they suggest surgery and I say no. What if I'm wrong and surgery was needed, I won't get another chance and my family will be angry that I haven't fixed the pain!!!

 

Hey, this is the thread where I found advice on walking pain: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/fear-of-walking.390/ (Fear of Walking)

I completely understand your fears, I have been there for a long time! I definitely still feel afraid of another pain relapse but taking the advice from the above thread, doing the structured programme, reading TMS theory and mindfulness/meditation has helped me gain confidence and feel less fear.

Remember, you are recovering for you and using the methods on this site has worked for so many people. I never thought I'd see the improvements I'm seeing now but here I am. Plus, every time I feel like more intense pain is coming on now, I'm easily able to calm it down and move on with my day. I went from screaming in pain, being stuck in bed and not being able to stand, to walking short distances around the park without crutches. You've got this, I believe in you!