Day 8 Week one done

Today's journalling task (which was to write an unsent letter to one of your personality traits, I chose my anxiety) has probably been my favourite and most cathartic so far. Looking forward to doing the same thing for my other TMS characteristics! I feel angry at the end of it, but it's in a good way, lol. Righteous indignation?

On the actual TMS front... it's been a little hard. No major symptom imperative so far (it's been pretty static, panic attacks aside) but my symptoms are a little unusual in that it's not chronic pain so much as dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system... flushing, inappropriate response to heat, etc. I have had some new tingling and pains but I think a lot of that is just being over-tuned to my body atm because of anxiety >_<

It's not a great thing to say, I know, but I'm admittedly still not 100% convinced it's TMS. I'm still in the process of waiting for blood test results and stuff so I guess I shouldn't have really started, but my instinct tells me that this IS stress-related, and I don't want to have to wait to do scans and stuff to figure that out. I'm just not sure if that inner voice is delusional or not xD

My biggest setback atm is despite my inner sense of it being a TMS equivalent, I've spent like 10-15 hours this week obsessively and anxiously googling my issues, reading illness support forums, self-diagnosing, trying to find physical remedies to my problem... and that's a pretty conservative amount for me, it was double that last week :'( ! But I do believe this is mindbody-induced enough to do the work and commit to the program. I hope that in treating my negative emotional health, I might see improvement in my physical health. For the moment, please let that be enough. Faith is something I've always struggled with - my anxious personality traits make me very doubtful and afraid to throw all my eggs in one basket - but I'm hoping to see some progress despite that hangup.