What can't I control?

Is there anything in your life you feel like you can’t control? How does not being in control make you feel? Can you connect this feeling to a personality trait?

I can't control time, there never seems to be enough of it in the day, I want to do well at work, do my out of work assignments, climb 3 times a week, go hiking once a week, relax, spend time with my girlfriend, and on top of all this I have to keep control of my accounts and do chores at home and it just goes on and on, it is like I'm never finished. Finding time for everything and to work on my TMS problems is difficult. I think My perfectionism may cause some of the problem. My personality is obsessive, if I'm doing something like climbing I want to be better at it and as quickly as possible meaning I have to spend more time on it. I am always fearful of running out of time of not being able to do all the tasks that I need to do. It makes me feel fustrated and angry very angry when something I don't want to do takes more time that I think it should, infact it enrages me particularly if it is something that I consider trivial, but cannot get out of foing for example sorting out car insurance.

I also cannot control where I will be living after August this year. I am supposed to move back to Copenhagen, but I do not want to I want to stay where I am, I have applied for a transfer within my company, but the decision lies in the hands of others not with me. This is also fustrating and a cause of anxiety as I feel like I am in limbo until the decision is made. My anxiety and fear and tendency to jump to the worst possible senario makes this worse in my negative thoughts I'm already going back to live somewhere I do not want too and this is enrageing as it is frightening.

I hate not being in control. I grew up with a control ffreeak for a father and now I hate having control taken from me as a product of not having any real control when I grew up, I now grave it cand cannot stand not having it.

Rant over.

 

ha-ha! I loved your rant Calum!! its good to at least write it out and get the feelings out of your body or the energy moving rather than staying stuck in a ruminating brain pool. I have had to learn a lot about control during this program because the more I control, the more pain decides to visit me. So I keep practicing mindfulness, breathing with observation and staying in the day. If I'm just dealing with today, it really helps me with my tasks. Lord, I love my lists!! Saturday and Sunday I refuse to look at them!

 

Haha it felt good to get it out. I see the logic in focussing only on today, but a lot of the time I find it impractical, I like to plan things far in advance and the concentrating on today idea doesn't really fit in with that. But, like you said the less I try and control something I can't, like time, the less stressed I'll be.