Day 4 What Dr.'s have said

What was the most disheartening thing a doctor has told you about your symptoms? In what ways have you kept that in your mind?

One doctor told me that there is a bell curve for the types of problems/diseases that people have, and this Dr. told me I am "far on the outside of the bell curve," which made me feel hopeless and like no one would be able to help me. I deal with rectal pain, pelvic floor spasms.. tight sphincters in my rectum. It made me feel alone in the symptoms I have.. and I've often wondered if anyone has felt exactly what I am feeling. My pelvic floor muscles and rectum feel like they are "glued" together.. literally can feel them sticking and spasming as I try to relax them during meditation. It's a very disheartening and scary thing to feel. I often wonder if anyone else could relate to what I am going through.

I had a Dr. tell me that "there is no surgery for what you have" which made me feel disheartened.. I've gone two years seeing so many doctors.. many many MRIs, hip surgery, Pelvic floor PT, regular PT.. not a single diagnoses except for "pelvic floor dysfunction." One doctor told me it sounds like I have "pudendal neuralgia" which sent me down the worst spiral of all time.. googling that for weeks and weeks, scouring forums.. Anxiety through the roof. I believe that I continued to ramp up the fear to such a point that my symptoms just getting worse and worse.. and I also noticed that sometimes I'd develop symptoms that other people were talking about in their messages.. sometimes weeks or months after I read them. Now that I look back on it with TMS knowledge, I realize that my brain is playing a nasty trick on me. Trying to keep my attention solely focused on every little sensation, every new symptom. I also have conditioned myself to clench all of my muscles during bowel movements and when I urinated.. due to pain.. but sometimes I can relax and not clench and feel no pain. So why is there pain sometimes, but not other times? TMS... It all point to TMS to me.

I am actually pretty tired of even talking about my story and my symptoms at this point. I don't want to talk about it anymore! So I'm done for today.