Day 2 what makes me sad and angry

I really am enjoying the success stories thus far as well as Day 2's article by Kim. She really laid it out for me clearly by telling me how to CURE TMS. She mentions "In order to completely eliminate all symptoms, you must identify which unacceptable emotions are threatening your self-image" . I can feel a lot of repressed emotions there even as I beat myself up.

I will use that to help surface those thoughts and emotions to look at.

3 things that make me angry are- 1. Making mistakes. I tend to try to hype myself up and talk myself out of being reactive. I want to be the better person and try to love unconditionally. But no matter what it all goes south the moment I am faced with the opportunity to rise to the occasion. 2. Hurting others and their self image because they have hurt me or made me irritable. I tend to get angry at myself and at them as well. 3. Confusion makes me very angry and irratiable. I tend to listen to others. and then second guess myself. Then i dont know what is right or wrong and totally get lost because this dependency on others causes major setbacks in my life.

3 things that make me sad.
1 hurting others and pushing others away because of my grudges and inability to forgive easy. I say I forgive but then I cannot forget which means that I can't let go. This saddens me because all I want to do is have good intentions and for everything to be okay and tension free. 2. Dwelling on the past makes me sad and griefy. Griefy becaus I want to relive pleasure moments that I'll never experience again like how young and healthy my mom was- how much I loved my brother and how close we were as kids- how carefree life was before the responsibilities of adulthood came I to being and being with loved ones who have passed on As well as the moments I wish I can go back and change to make my now more enjoyable. 3. My regrets wrong choices that were consciously made out of rebellion. Lack of self confidence. And not loving myself 4. Procrastinating time wasted distracting myself from my ideal journey to quiet the mind. I have the tools but I distract myself and avoid putting in the work for fear of it not working on me. 5. Being in pain makes me sad. Taking my life for granted as I cannot walk without pain that causes me to just lay I bed 23 hours a day.

But since realizing this about myself. In the last day or so I've felt better.

Yesterday I stood up to my pain long enough to shower without a pain killer. Did some dishes made my bed was up for 1 hour without the pain being so bad. But she. I woke up this morning my legs and buttocks were on fire and so sore and sharp pain I wanted to die. I tried to release the emotions I was feeling but to no avail I took a half of Valium. At 830 Am. For the entire day and night there after I felt fine.

It's the morning upon waking hours and at night during sleeping hours usually when I'm not occupied.

 

wow mstlymebutmslyu! What a wonderful post! Of course, I say that because I can relate to so much of what you wrote. Thank you for the most important reminder for me today

It wasn't until I did this program, did I become aware of how much I repressed for the sake of being a good person (goodish) and the pressure I put on myself as a perfectionist. Just today, in one of the workbooks, I'm currently doing - it asked about anger and to list them out. Most all of the anger buttons were directed toward myself. It felt good to actually see the list and then question why the heck I would be so hard on myself.
Grief has been a huge part of my pain and healing process. My heart goes out to you as you move through the journey!
I can speak from experience that is very similar to yours that one day you WILL be out of bed more than you are IN bed! This program really helped me move from a painful life to a sometimes pain FREE life. I'm not completely healed of TMS yet, but I can see the silver lining!! Keep up the good work! I look forward to following your journey!

 

H, ladies. Yes, a greatpost, mstlyme, and reply from nowtimecoach.

Unacceptable emotions that threaten your self-image which keep you in TMS pain.

That's a big one. I relate to it and try to forgive myself for not being the perfect friend I'd like to be.
But then I'm thinking, how about others being the perfect friend to me? I can name only maybe two,
but hey, two isn't a bad number, even out of everyone I know, among family and friends.

I feel that I do come pretty close to being the perfect friend to others, even some who don't deserve it.
Coming close to it is a lot better than what I get from most others.

If you can forgive but not forget, try distracting yourself. Think about those you did forgive.

 

thanks for the feedback walt and now time :0)