Day 26 When I Last Spoke to My Parents... yikes

Interesting question today of when I last spoke to my parents which feels very relevant to me as I last spoke to my mum, who I have a very difficult relationship with, a couple of days ago and it went horribly. I noticed that I still feel this need to save her and that I also have to actually convince her to love me. But I realise now that I can't save her and I can't do damage to myself or put myself in danger trying. I also realise that I can't make her love me, I can't get her to once just choose her daughter over an abusive man. It breaks my heart but I know that when I'm away from my family... I can be myself. I feel less stressed and safer. And I can start to enjoy my life.

As for my dad... it's probably been about a decade but I wish it was longer. I've recently found out that he may have cancer but when I think about all the abuse and fear he put me through... I don't feel sad about it. If anything, I feel angry that I've had to find out. I wish I could forget that man existed... but repressing the things he did definitely played a huge part in me developing TMS.

If I never talked to either of my parents again, I think my mindbody would greatly appreciate it.