Day 32 When was the last time you made a mistake?

I've made a lot of mistakes at work lately because I can't concentrate because of the pain.

How did it make you FEEL?

I feel awful because I always beat myself up when I make a mistake; plus my boss is starting to get angry with me. I know in order to get better I can't let things get to me and I have to stop beating myself up. But I don't know how and it's a tough habit to break. I just have no self esteem.

 

cirrusnarea- I've made a lot of mistakes at work lately because I can't concentrate because of the pain.

Eric)- How long have you been recovering and do you practice meditations

cirrusnarea- How did it make you FEEL?

Eric)- Horrible, I was getting the understanding down
but I had to let time pass and let the soothing and reconditioning happen.

cirrusnarea- I feel awful because I always beat myself up when I make a mistake

Eric)- This can be overcome by mindfulness, and staying in the now

cirrusnarea- plus my boss is starting to get angry with me.

Eric)- Don't over think this issue - start to visualize yourself happy
and not in pain as your boss comes in and is happy with your production.

cirrusnarea--I know in order to get better I can't let things get to me and I have to stop beating myself up.
But I don't know how and it's a tough habit to break. I just have no self esteem.

Eric)- This beating yourself up will stop when you start to show un- judged love toward yourself.
You have an inner critic and you have to listen and agree that your not what the inner critic says.

Then you have the inner bully that can be calmed by meditations, Focusing , mindfulness awareness,
also acceptance. These are all soothing to be done after you ponder thoughts
about emotions or events that have bothered you like your boss.

The main problem will always be unfelt repression. So you have to think a little and something
right under your nose could pop up- it did me lots and still does.

When this happens and I catch what it is bothering me through practice and awareness.
Then ill usually journal and be very mindful or ponder the thought real good in the now.
Afterwards if patient and calm the pain will leave.

This is all only applicable most of the time where re-conditioning occurs.
You've been doing great for about 5 weeks now or longer- stay patient
and keep learning and getting better and better.

Its time and persistence and doing all the work that's the magic formula

So many of us think if we outsmart it then we will heal quicker- I know I did,
but that's not the case- we have to learn to rethink how we think.

Id say if you keep learning - love yourself even more and meditate on healing and in the now

You should have no problemento.

Let the voice or face of your boss fade from your consciousness by using focusing
or just letting go of this emotion by accepting you feel this way-
Calm down by thinking about it, The emotion- Don't judge it
let it be there as you experience this negative feeling.
its only emotions so don't be discouraged then let the emotion just be,
no thoughts of criticizing or bullying or just you and the thought.
but feel the emotion and just be in calmness - as you lay and experience this
negative emotion in your body- it should leave
You don't need to name the emotions- your body already knows the names.

 

Hi Eric, thanks for the well thought out reply. I guess it's pretty obvious this has me pretty upset. I finally dedicated myself to the TMS diagnosis the day I started the program on this site, so a little more than a month. I had inklings that I had TMS before...had the Sarno audio books, Unlearn your Pain, etc, but still had doubts.

I do meditations almost daily. I do the audio tracks for Unlearn your Pain, Lucinda Bassett's relaxation recording, and I have a biofeedback program. So I switch between these fairly regularly.Not really seeing too much success with them, but at least they help me to relax. I sometimes feel anxious while doing them though, or the pain gets worse because while laying there with my eyes closed all I can concentrate on is the pain and the fear. I'm not sure if I'm meditating correctly or not, or if there even is a right or wrong way to do it.

I know what you mean about trying to outsmart the pain, that was an early tactic of mine and it seemed to be working. I was fairly optimistic early on because I would only get one symptom at a time. Now I can have as many symptoms at a time as my brain seems fit, this has really discouraged me. I don't know if it's a good sign or a bad sign or what. In one way, I think that if my mind has to change tactics I am making headway. I think it would be worse to have the same symptom every day with no change. Even if the change is for the worse, I know that I'm not in a rut at least...Something is going on.

I am getting discouraged by this point though, the pain just takes its toll and wears you out. Whatever momentum I started out with has pretty much died down. I get fears that I may not recover. I look at the forum for success stories and it just seems to small compared to the forum of those who are still suffering. Then I see that even some of those who posted success stories still report of having pain. Is it possible to get better? Why is it so easy for some and not for others? Like most people, I feel like if I could just escape all my daily obligations and stressors I could beat this, but that's not an option.

I'm really working on mindfulness. When I catch myself in the past or present I put myself back on track fairly quickly now. But it's not easy to change your mode of thinking. I love your line about showing un-judged love for myself. I'm quick to show this for those I care about, but not myself. If anything, this condition has forced me to improve my emotional health. I'm seeing a psychologist now and he is really helping.

 

It's so hard to see progress when we're riding the waves of pain, because it zaps our strength. But to quote Churchill, "Never, never, never, never, give up!" (OK, so I'm not sure how many "never"s there were!)
Sometimes I read a TMS book, and I think, "Wow, that hasn't been my experience at all." But I can honestly say that off all the books I've read in the last 5 months, there hasn't been one in which I didn't find SOMETHING helpful.
Count every day in which you're still vertical, and not down for the count, as a victory. And hang in there...by fingernails when necessary.

 

Thanks Gigi, love that Churchhill quote. We don't have people like him around anymore...

Thanks for the encouraging words.

 

cirrusnarea- Hi Eric, thanks for the well thought out reply. I guess it's pretty obvious this has me pretty upset. I finally dedicated myself to the TMS diagnosis the day I started the program on this site, so a little more than a month. I had inklings that I had TMS before...had the Sarno audio books, Unlearn your Pain, etc, but still had doubts.

Eric)- Its been a short, short while so be patient and good will come - ok, most get there big
break-through 5-6 months in, and that's ok. If we ever time the healing. it will delay the healing.
Just be loving of who you are in the moment and go with the flow.
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/what-are-the-characteristics-of-flow.2530/


cirrusnarea- I do meditations almost daily. I do the audio tracks for Unlearn your Pain, Lucinda Bassett's relaxation recording, and I have a biofeedback program. So I switch between these fairly regularly. Not really seeing too much success with them, but at least they help me to relax.

Eric)- If you've only been doing these meditations 5-6 weeks you need give it more time, you stay with these meditations and completely loose yourself in them and be in control at the same time, it will pay off- This being in control while meditating is described by Eugene Gendlin very good here. http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/focusing-eugene-t-gendlin.2423/

cirrusnarea- I sometimes feel anxious while doing them though, or the pain gets worse because while laying there with my eyes closed all I can concentrate on is the pain and the fear. I'm not sure if I'm meditating correctly or not, or if there even is a right or wrong way to do it.

Eric)- Eugene Gendlin, - http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/focusing-eugene-t-gendlin.2423/

cirrusnarea-I know what you mean about trying to outsmart the pain, that was an early tactic of mine and it seemed to be working. I was fairly optimistic early on because I would only get one symptom at a time. Now I can have as many symptoms at a time as my brain seems fit, this has really discouraged me.

Eric)- All these many systems are doing is letting you know it, the pain, knows your onto it- stay course and hunker down. Listen to this podcast- it will help.
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/media/...f-harsh-parenting-pathways-to-pain-relief.80/

cirrusnarea- I don't know if it's a good sign or a bad sign or what. In one way, I think that if my mind has to change tactics I am making headway. I think it would be worse to have the same symptom every day with no change. Even if the change is for the worse, I know that I'm not in a rut at least...Something is going on.

Eric)- your experiencing the symptom imperative, very good wile of the mechanism-
it means you got it on the run, or at least it knows you know so its running, stay course
cirrusnarea- I am getting discouraged by this point though, the pain just takes its toll and wears you out. Whatever momentum I started out with has pretty much died down. I get fears that I may not recover.

Eric)- you have a ton of focus on the physical, journal and think and ponder about
your emotional issues more- then use focusing to release the tension ok.

cirrusnarea- I look at the forum for success stories and it just seems to small compared to the forum of those who are still suffering.

Eric)- Wow that's 2 success stories a month- our community is on 15 months old, it will grow by leaps and bounds I assure you.
There's lots of us that don't have our success stories there.
Mines not there, its at my blog.
We grow more folks heal- you cant let the inner critic cut you short on your healing
because it should be full of folks healed- it will have more and more monthly and you will be one of those success stories-
if you stay course, don't give up now, win this battle. Read in Alan Gordon's program about the inner critic and how to get your control back ok.
http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/TMS_Recovery_Program#Stand_Up_to_the_Inner_Bully
and here's the whole program http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/TMS_Recovery_Program


cirrusnarea- Then I see that even some of those who posted success stories still report of having pain. Is it possible to get better?

Eric)- When we were younger and said we didn't have pain, we really did after hard sports and so on- the thing is we just paid it no attention and it never bothered us, we just didn't remember. After some folks get healed and if they have a slight pain somewhere they will come back to let you know how there going to beat it again-
A pain if occurred without the guidance of information and no tms knowledge they might have looked over or it might have crippled them, yes we do heal from tms pain- the thing I believe most folks keep hitting on is that were human, organic- were always going to have a crick or a creak- no use in getting to out of shape if you are a little stiff in the morning- just go about your day as normal and normal you will soon become.

cirrusnarea- Why is it so easy for some and not for others? Like most people, I feel like if I could just escape all my daily obligations and stressors I could beat this, but that's not an option.

Eric)- It is an option with time and patience and doing the work- you'll see if you do the work I've laid out above and stay with your program - in time you'll thank me.

 

Hey Eric,

Thanks for all the help. You've given me a lot to work on so I'm just going to take my time with it. I have seen a lot of progress, seems like I'm in a slump though and it's discouraging. If I didn't have so much else going on it wouldn't be affecting me as bad. It's good to know my changing symptoms means I've got it on the run. I was even reading in Sarno today that even worsening pain is a good sign.

 

Just take your time, 1 page a day- Thank you