Day 8 Work, friends, and Tai Chi

Are you having success at recognizing the emotions connected to your pain? If you have, how do these emotions make you feel? If not, what do you think is preventing you from doing this? If you feel comfortable sharing, then post your response in a thread in our Structured Program forum. We would love to hear from you.

Emotions and pain.
When I think of pain coming on strongly, I have a tendency to blame it on the situation. The seat is not supportive enough, I had to sit for too long, stand too long in the kitchen – its always been something outside of me. So, to try with this exercise to assimilate and work with the TMS point of view that my emotions triggered the big pain is quite a challenge.
I can recall an episode at work. I was called out of a complex meeting, and asked to cover a phone call from the public, as my colleague on duty was not at her desk. I am a librarian, and the question from the person on the other end of the phone could be about absolutely anything. It was about buying tickets for an event, using the credit card machine I had not used in the past few months. I think in my head I was panicking – about being good enough, about being perfect even. I finished the transaction, nothing went wrong, the client was happy and my pain went ballistic for the rest of the day. It sounds very silly now to be so worked up over something that never happened, but work is always about proving your worth over and over and over.
I recall enthusiastically telling a friend about how Tai Chi is really fun, and seems to be helping me a lot. She barked at me that “some of us don’t have time for stuff like that, some of us have busy lives” and I was taken by surprise at how vitriolic it was. Perhaps I am often too much like Tigger – bouncing up to people with huge enthusiasm about the newest thing. Perhaps as a Christian she objects to anything that doesn’t fit her philosophy, but I felt she was finding fault with me. Perhaps she was in no mood for new life experiences, doesn’t care at all about Tai Chi! My back pain increased. This reaction must really be about being snubbed, ignored, not listened to. I retreated inside my castle walls, and have not spoken to her for 6 weeks. I don’t want to lose her friendship by challenging what she said to me. There is a strong urge to run and hide when I think I’m under attack. I have never crossed her about anything, and will do what she wants always. I think she might know that!

 

Hi movingcloud:

Wow. This was an amazing moment of truth for you. I can relate as I just had a very "good friend" come and take advantage stay with us. She made herself too much at home, and I too was unable to stand up to her. I just let it go and buried myself in book after book. I realize now that this friend has been doing this for awhile. She has many TMS symptoms, but doesn't believe it's TMS. She had many physical problems while she was here and I had to listen to them. I should have asked her to stop as it is counter-productive to my progress.

I also think that through this process, we become more direct people when it comes to dealing with others. One of the reasons we have TMS in the first place is because we are suppressing these emotions even with our "friends". When I stopped drinking many years ago, I found many friends dropped out of my life. I could go to bars, have fun, and not drink. But I made them uncomfortable so was no longer included.

I feel that this may be true of my TMS journey as well. There are certain people I need to stay away from and others who are helping me to get out of the pain rut.

I think Tai-Chi is awesome. It helps strengthen muscles and also calms our minds. It's EXACTLY what we're supposed to be doing. I think in some way you freaked your friend out because she doesn't know what Tai-Chi is. That and you may be exhibiting other changes that make you less able to manipulate (good on ya if that's true). But the changes are necessary for us to improve. And that may mean different friends too.

I think in my case it does.

BG

 

I think Dr Sarno is absolutely correct about "goodist" tendencies being enraging. When you were rebuffed about your enthusiasm for Tai Chi, you were hurt, went inward, and must have gotten enraged (although being a nice person, you kept it buried inside). Of course, there are people out there in the real world who would have immediately gotten mad when rebuffed and told their co-worker to shove it. 15 minutes later though, they wouldn't even remember the incident. I'm certainly not one of them! I have a whole catalog of "inner voices" to fight with that are owned by a whole cast of characters who've rebuffed me and insulted me in public places through the years. They come back to argue whenever I'm stressed out and certainly are at the core of the emotionally repressive process that generates TMS pain in the here and now, as Monte maintains.

 

Thank you both, Beach-girl and MorComm for your insights.
Now that I know I'm a goodist, (love it!), and that my relationship with my friend might require some emotional work on my part, what can I do to change?
I don't want to lose my friend or become a badist! And I think enthusiasm is a good trait to keep!
Mostly I think being good, thinking about others, and all that comes with it makes the world a better place. Perhaps its not that straight forward.
Maybe the crux of it is that we want to "seem to others" to be good, but really we're just like everyone else - a bit too wrapped up in our own "stuff".
I think I might start to crack this by "answering back" now and then, just to test the water. Look out world.......!