Day 40 Wrapping up soon

So after the Friday post about having a streak of 7 days 0% pain, I encountered some emotional issues. I got a bit sick a few days, then my wife got sick a few days after, and at the same time kid slept very poorly the whole week. My wife an I had a small fight during the weekend, I think mainly because we were both exhausted, I was sick and none of us got our needs met. We made up within an hour. Then high stress work week followed.

During this period I had some stomach issues (probably due to the sickness/virus, my son had stomach ache too) and around 25% pain in leg/hip/back. Still quite mild symptoms in contrast to the situation. I cried heavily one day. That helped. I started dealing with some fears about work. That helped too. Then I performed well at work (in my own eyes). That helped too.

Now I´m back to more or less 0% pain again.

This episode I would say is not so strange. Maybe it´s like getting a headache a few days in a row due to heavy work load / stress. I don't mind if this happens, I can use it as my body telling me to slow down and listen to my needs and emotions. I mean, I´m not fucking superman. If conditions get too harsh, I´m going to suffer one way or another. As long as it is not chronic. Maybe sometimes I can handle it purely emotional, maybe some times I will fall back and get some pain symptoms. I will continue to work on my self regardless.

And an aggressive Note:
At the end of Day 40 it said "How would you change this program to make it more effective?". That pissed me off a lot, because that is what I´m doing all the time at work. Making things better, innovating, taking care of a team, improving things. I don't want to do that with the SEP! Fuck that shit, I want to be egoistic and just use it! I don't want to continuously improve everything around me, sometimes I just want to be taken care of. And that is exactly what the SEP has been doing, it has improved me and helped me so much. And right now I need it to be just that, and not get a task to improve that very thing. Thank you SEP, but also I don't feel like improving you right now.

 

This is wonderful! It seems you're in touch with a deep need for self-care and the reason you know this is a deepening self-attunement.

Congratulations on your work Hedger!

Yes. Very matter-of-fact. Nothing to improve here. You're awake to the conditions and how you're likely responding. No self-blame or fixing. Beautiful. This is the way.

 

@Andy Bayliss Thank you for continuing to read my posts and encourage me!

 

Thank you for your kind words and support