Writing

Ive been writing to my protective parts lately. Telling them I understand and appreciate they are trying to protect me and explaining why they dont have to work so hard.

Now im really anxious.

Its like I do things and never get a positive pay off.

Would love to see a light in this tunnel.

 

This seems to be normal. I'm currently journaling, exercising, and meditation each day. (This sounds like a lot but really it's less than an hour each day.) I was able to lessen my main symptom and then I got hit with a symptom imperative that I thought was under control. This goes to show that they can pop up anytime while we are trying to heal. My brain is literally say, "Are you sure about this?" and then throwing another symptom. Recovery is not linear at all. I just read Defying the Verdict by Tamara Guyrin. She's actually on this forum and healed from her symptoms. Her book helped me a lot since it was written in the viewpoint of someone trying to heal herself-not a doctor with facts. Healing took her a while and that helped me see that I'm going to have some really great days. But also I am going to have days that flare ups happen. I just have to control my reaction to the flare up and keep moving forward. Her book was on Kindle Unlimited and I highly recommend it. It gave me hope.

 

Thank you. What is your daily routine if you dint mind me asking? How long you've been doing ut? And how much success you have had?

 

My routine actually looks different everyday depending on my kids schedules. I also work full time so I have to be creative to get this in my schedule. Sometimes it doesn't happen I don't stress about it cause that will cause stressing about it will cause delays in healing too. But I make sure that I have 20 minutes of writing (I used ChatGPT to give me questions and I have really liked it.) I go running for 20-25 minutes. If the weather is bad I won't go running. Now with the time change, I'm trying to go before it turns dark out but I bet I will only manage to do this for 2 or three times a week until we get more daylight again. And that is ok. I just want to maintain what I have worked hard for. I started out walking a mile and it taking me 20 mins. Now I walk/run a mile and can do it in about 13-15 mins. Exercising has really made an improvement on my mental health too. I meditate before I go to work in the mornings. I will sit in my car before I drive to work and find a meditation on youtube. Some are really good. Some are not. I just try different ones. Depending on my morning (cause again, I have kids) I might be able to get 10 minutes in. Some mornings it might only be a 3 minute meditation. I'm just happy that I can incorporate some time before I head to work.

I've been doing this routine for 3 weeks now. My pain has moved, shifted, and the original pain I had even disappeared this last weekend. Yesterday I got my symptom imperative which was another TMS symptom I thought I had healed! The fact that things are shifting and moving (I was at a plateau before where nothing was happening) gives me hope that I'm shaking up my nervous system.

I also have OCD so I have been challenging my thoughts and compulsion. Not enough to freak out my nervous system but enough to shake it up and for me to sit in anxiety until it dissipates. Anxiety feelings scare me so much so I am slowly training myself to feel them in little tiny bits. If you have anxiety, you will have to deal with it. This is helping me deal with the body sensations of anxiety but also starting to retrain my brain on compulsions.

If I am in pain, I do some deep breathing and that seems to calm me down. (Usually when I am in pain, I notice my heart rate is up via my apple watch.) Dr. Sarno talked about oxygen depravation in our muscles which makes sense if we are in fight or flight so I try to move out of it that.

My advice would be to find a routine that works for you. Give yourself grace when you start that routine because life can get in the way. Just don't avoid the work. Also, I would look into success stories on this forum and see what other people did. That's what I did to create this new routine for me. And don't worry about finding someone with the exact symptoms as you. TMS is TMS. It's all the same. And lastly, if something isn't working for you, you don't have to keep trying it. We will all heal differently. But it helps to get ideas and just start implementing them. But don't go all perfectionist on it-it will backfire on you.

Clear as mud right?!? Keep in mind I've only learned about TMS since March. And I have gone really slow and at times taken breaks from doing the work. Now that I have a lot more evidence that what I have is really TMS I've really been motivated to keep my routine and check in with myself daily.

 

Thank yiu for such a thorough explanation. Im glad you are seeing improvement.

My sensations are 24 7. I think that's why im finding this so hard. Theres no break

 

@Joulegirl, do you have the Insight Timer app on your phone? You said you use YT for meditations, they have a lot of really great ones of all different lengths for free. There is a paid service as well but I haven't found any lack of resources in the free version.

 

@CalmIsTheCure TMS symptoms can be consistent too. They don't have to change to be TMS. And for a while I just had pain and nothing moved. What I'm seeing in these last three weeks is the most changes since I've known about this which was March. Your timeline is going to be your own. Don't stress about the time. Just look at this as getting to know yourself again. I'd lost myself for so long and didn't even know it!

@Rusty Red I've downloaded it now! Sometimes YouTube has ads which can mess up the meditation. But I wasn't complaining since it's free!

 

I’m so sorry to hear of your suffering. I hope all your efforts work in the end— sometimes things shift around, especially when you are making headway. I hope you can find a way to abide at peace with your symptoms while you’re finding a way out of this. The only thing that really gives me a little relief is meditation— and the longer the better. But I also think you have to build a foundation of exploring your emotions, which you are doing right now. So you are building a good foundation. Sending warm thoughts to you!

 

Do u do a specific meditation?

I thought you had found some relief from other things to?

 

For meditation, I just sit quietly with my eyes closed and think about a peaceful scene. If my mind wanders, I gently redirect it to the scene.

Yes, somatic tracking, as found in Alan Gordon’s pain reprocessing therapy, has helped me. Somatic tracking is where you observe the symptoms as an outside observer. This teaches your brain you aren’t afraid of the symptoms and it also builds new neuropathways that aren’t pain pathways. Both of these forge the way for your symptoms to eventually leave.

I’ve been using somatic tracking to do some kitchen work— chopping vegetables, mixing things, unloading the dishwasher. At first, I would just stand by the counter and my pain would shoot up to a really high level. So I just started observing it. (I actually vividly and elaborately describe it inside my head as if I were a scientist.) Now, after about a few weeks of this, I’m in less panic and less pain when I stand up to the counter— but I’m still weak and I have a long way to go. This little tiny movement has given me some hope, because I know if I just keep going to the counter every day and facing this “fear” of the pain, using somatic tracking, and staying determined— each day I should get a little bit better. And I am. It’s very small, but I know it can add up.

These two books have been a big help in this process:

The Pain Reprocessing Therapy Workbook, by Vanessa Blackstone and Olivia Sinaiko

The Secret Language of the Body, Regulate Your Nervous System, Heal Your Body, Free Your Mind, by Jennifer Mann and Raben Karden