Day 8 Y'all, I started eating gluten & dairy again & my life didn't fall apart, what!?

Whaaaaat!? Thanks to fellow member Archie's post as well as hours of internet digging, looking at old lab test results, and many more hours of self talk I NERVOUSLY went and got a cheeseburger (fitting first meal eh?). Annnnd my low back did not explode in a cycle of muscle spasm and shooting nerve pain that will last for months on end like it used to do when I ate what I "wasn't supposed to eat". In fact, it's been almost a week and nothing has happened at all. I'm recognizing that that my supposed food sensitivities I've believed I've had for years are in fact my own conditioning. Part of me is starting to question how much of the food sensitivities people have (feels like food issues are running rampant these days for people), have to do with conditioning from fear/TMS type stuff...? Food for thought I guess.

Which brings me to my Day 8 update. This is wonderful news- no longer do I need to live in constant fear of eating certain things and cross contamination. No longer do I have to be THAT person who people hate to go out to eat with because of my restrictions, no longer do I have to pay premiums on pricy GF & DF substitutes that don't taste half as good, no longer do I have to not try things or be able to get a quick bite out or cook all my own stuff to be sure I'm safe, and no longer do I have to explain to people my life story when they ask why I can't eat this or that. This is literally a huge life shift for me.

However, I'm feeling a lot of shame. To be honest, I feel pretty dumb that I made this correlation when none existed. That it took over my life as just another manifestation of TMS. Hindsight is 20/20 and I feel so silly now looking back but I'm trying to remember how desperate I was to do anything to get rid of the pain. I remember when I gave up the foods I felt SO MUCH BETTER so it was solidified in my mind that those foods were the cause of my pain. Now I can see it was just one more distraction my mind was trying to give me, one more thing to focus on so I wouldn't have to deal with the rage/sadness/etc.

And now I'm wondering how do I explain it to people- friends, family, coworkers- when they see me eating things I had sworn off? Foods I spent so much time explaining to them how toxic they were for me. How big of a deal I made it. It's embarrassing and although I don't want to lie to anyone, I don't think I should have to tell the world my TMS story if I don't want to or am not ready to. Especially since it is an ongoing story. Thoughts or advice anyone?

 

Hi EllieBoo22,

What a wonderful report!!! You might make a copy and put on success story section. We don't see a great number of "food" cures, so your experience is very valuable for others!!!!

This is common when we figure out we've been up the wrong path. I hope you don't worry and disengage from your Inner Critic about this. Part of our personality tends to orbit around shame, guilt, superego activity. Especially when we have an expanding experience which challenges the pressure we've been under. I hope you can let this go, and focus on all the goodness you have found!

I think you're right. It is precious, and personal, and it is your journey. As time goes on you'll learn to own this experience with more confidence, and perhaps share it. In the meantime you might find a simple way to answer questions about this, without going into details. Avoid having to justify yourself in any way. You're on your own beautiful journey, and although you've asked for support and understanding from folks in the past, right now you need your own space to have this experience, without doubt or interference from anyone. "I am not talking about my diet right now, but thanks for asking. I appreciate your support!" is all you need to say.

 

Andy, I copied to the success story section! Hopefully someone else will see it and it may help them.

You're so right, my inner critic has been trying to have a field day with this revelation. I'm trying to work thru it, particularly in my journaling, so as not to let it ruin the fact that it is a big success for me. Always a work in progress- letting go and not focusing on the negative.

Thanks so much for the advice on how to deal with people who want to know what's going on. I may have to really practice that line in the mirror haha. The huge people pleaser that I am is having heart palpitations at just the thought of saying "No, sorry, I'm putting myself first."

I know you're right: "right now you need your own space to have this experience, without doubt or interference from anyone". Just need to find that confidence and let go of the paralyzing fear of judgment.

 

Thank you Jan!! That thread and article was fascinating! I'm willing to bet the placebo effect is so much bigger and more widespread than we'll ever know when it comes to health and wellness. If there's one thing I've become more open to since learning about TMS, it's the insane power of the mind. That feeling of helplessness leading to hopelessness no longer has a place in my life because I know I have far more power over my own reality than I ever thought possible. It's empowering and a little intimidating all at the same time. Must continue to work on harnessing it. Thanks so much for the encouragement and positive reinforcement

 

Hi EllieBoo2,
What you're experiencing is the growth of TMS!
By the way, I added more "tags" to your success post, hoping it might be more searchable, even though the tags may not completely be what you describe. Hope that's OK.
Andy B

 

I have been thinking about our exchanges about the food restrictions quite a lot, realising just how much I was on alert for the wrong foods; I still have a knee-jerk reaction of "no, that is a bad food" when I reach for an onion, garlic, a lactose-containing milk, etc , but then have a next moment of relief and freedom when I realise that I CAN eat the onion, etc. It is very freeing. I explained it to my husband by just saying that in the end it didn't seem to make any difference to my RLS, so I have decided to bin it all! I am SO pleased for you.

 

That's perfectly fine Andy! Still learning some of the technical stuff myself so please feel free to add tags or move my posts or whatever is best. Anything I can do that may help others, I'm more than happy to do.

 

That's so awesome Archie! So glad you're having these ah ha moments as well. I look at them as one step further away from TMS and one step closer full healing. Like you say, it's very freeing. I've continued to eat my previously "forbidden" foods and have done just fine. A little pain here and there but I can now see the very direct connection between my pain to my stress/fear... that I once believed was a connection between my pain and pasta primavera Very happy for you as well!

 

That is wonderful, good for you! keep it up