Day 1 Years of Procrastination

Hello all-
Day 1, finally, yet again. I have been a disciple of Dr. Sarno's theories for at least 10 years. I am as expert as expert can get and take every chance possible to pass on the information to anyone I feel it will help. The problem is that my own procrastination has never allowed me to help myself. I think this is one of the ways that TMS works against us in the background silently, yet efficiently. For me, my interest in recovery is intense while I'm episodic. The TMS takes me to the point of breaking, then lays off enough for me to exhale. That's when the procrastination takes over. So many other things to do when the mind body issues are minor; a pain here, a pain there, moving around so as not to draw too much attention but there still the same. However, it's not bad enough to make the effort to change. Change is so hard when the TMS takes a little break and believe me, the mind knows when to hit you, where to hit you, and how hard to hit you.

Now it's time. Time to hit back. I have been dealing with the effects of this for 45+ years. I am the textbook personality for TMS. I have a laundry list a mile long of ways it has found to hit me. I can't tell you how many times I thought I was going to die or have to live with a disease that would make me wish I were dead. The funny thing is that it always goes away, then it comes back somewhere else. I pretty much have the back pain issue under control and it knows that. My weak spots are my gut, my vertigo/equilibrium, and the one that freaked me out the most, my motor skills. I woke up one day about 4 years ago and it was like someone else's arm was attached to my left side. Out of nowhere this happened. I grabbed my guitar, which I have been playing for over 30 years, and couldn't make my fingers work. What was it? My mind went crazy with horrific thoughts of whether I had MS or ALS! I got to my bottle of Ativan as soon as possible and it eventually went away. The problem became that now I know how to tame the beast and have been starting my days with 1MG of Ativan ever since "just in case" and take it from me, that's not the solution unless you're willing to become a hardcore benzo addict which I am not. It creates false withdrawal symptoms to get you to up your dosage, or are they just more TMS symptoms? More frustration, more fear, an endless cycle that seemingly can't be stopped.

I know, absolutely. without a doubt, that TMS is the source of all of this. That belief is not enough anymore, so I'm finally, yet again taking the steps to recover...

 

Welcome back bluesboy. You're in the right spot if you're wanting to exit the pain merry-go-round.
I too read Sarno and became an instant disciple. I hope that you're willing to invest the time in the SEP so that you can experience more pain-free episodes. You're worth it!

 

Hi bluesboy63,
Welcome to the SEP and the wonderful support community here. Taking action is always hard, but now that you've started...I hope it goes well. It might help to have a short list of some of the TMS hells that you have been through to review if you lose motivation in the program!

Also, do this part soon
http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/TMS_Recovery_Program

Highly recommended to do before the SEP, because it teaches skills and views which will helpful.

Andy B

 

Some wit once said "Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow." But I think he was wrong. My mother said never to let the sun set on an argument with someone. I think she was right and have tried to follow that advice, but funny enough, mom didn't follow it herself. She was always feuding with one of her sisters (who was my godmother and a saint!).

You came to Dr. Sarno's book and TMS and the SEProgram at the right time. He and his philosophy of the Mind-body connection is finally being accepted by many in the medical and psychology fields, and those such as I, who was healed from severe back pain because of TMS knowledge, know it works.

Don't stress that it has taken you 45 years to learn about TMS. I didn't know about it until I was 82, three years ago. I think the Lord helps us when He thinks it's the right time. Now is your time.

 

Pretty much nail on the head for me as well...you could actually be me.

I have never done the SEP and have actually looked at Day 1 today (basic I know) and feel that I need to commit as I'm just running on the spot at the moment. The thing holding me back at the moment is the worry that it means spending more time on here and I don't want to fall into the trap of this whole thing becoming more of an obsession and monitoring my symptoms even more.

Good luck with the plan...you are in a good place as you have accepted the TMS diagnosis which is something I have always struggled with myself.

 

One thing I have found is that accepting the diagnosis, which I do wholeheartedly, and truly believing the diagnosis are two different things. I'll tell you what, even after only day 2, the TMS was hitting me harder than ever; almost like it knows it's days are numbered. The I look at that last statement and it looks like I'm f'ing CRAZY! I'm in this battle with my own mind now?? The more you know about it the more you feel like you're in a battle against schizophrenia, not TMS. That's how clever the unconscious mind is when it comes to burying it's dead. One big problem for me is that I'm an atheist. I don't subscribe to "blind faith"; I need some real evidence and let's face it, accepting the diagnosis is aligned with blind faith. I do accept it though and as you, every time I read anyone's account, it's like I'm reading my own book. This gives me the evidence I need, but even though I know what my past traumas and current stressors are, simply saying "ya I recognize that" isn't enough to make it go away. Now I am here and I'm committed to making it go away once and for all. I NEED to put in the time or stop whining about it.

 

I am also a procrastinator. I am fearful of doing things that l know have to be done because l assume l know the results before l do them…if l do. I have no idea what the results are but l always assume the worse when l should be assuming the opposite. It is a terrible position to be in but my mind always goes to the dark side when l know the bright side is also a possibility, probably a high probability. It is something that l need to tame and l know the only way to do this is by doing. Thanks for reading and offering any assistance that you are able.
Mrpine