Aaricia

Update May 2019:

Well, I’m still here. So is my tms. For the last few months I’ve been doing a lot of work, journaling, meditation, reading, listening to podcasts. I even started working with tms therapies and the symptoms are still with me. What I can say definitely I’m more relaxed about the pain, I don’t let myself go crazy and create darkest scenarios. So I win here, but on the rest of the area I fell so defeated... I don’t know what to do, what I’m missing. the person that I work with says that I try too much and want too hard but how I can not want to get rid of pain. Aren’t we all here for the same purpose: get rid of the pain?!

The part I think I’m missing is validation of my tms diagnosis. I know I have tms but I want someone smarter then me confirmed that. I need to see tms doctor. And the pressure... I’m under huge time pressure that doesn’t help. Soon I’ll have my second child and I have no idea how I’m going to take care of newborn with this back pain. But I know I’ll be fine, I have to. it’s just tms. I’ve been in pain for so long, I can survive that as well. My family needs me, in pain or not.



Update August 2018:

Hello,
Again,

Below you can read my awesome recovery story about TMS in my hands.
Lately TMS attacked me again and I know this guy is knocking on my door for the second time.

December 2017 was in very stressfull for me - dealing with finals and projects at school, getting ready for board exam, dealing with stupid toxic teacher that was lowering my grade because of my poorEnglish grammar that had nothing to do with radiography, planning big trip back to Poland which I didn't wanted or needed - I just had to do it. There was a lot going on...

While working in ER on my externship one time I was lifting 300 pounds patient we were so understaffed and I felt pain in my back. Being 120# the inevitable happened - I twisted my back. Lated MRI showed moved disk pushing on spinal cord. Somehow I managed to finish the program, pass my board exam and never had to go back work in ER. Since that time I'm doing PT, seeing chiropractor avoid any physical activity or lifting anything more that 30# but the pain is still there. Moving all over my back, sometimes in my neck, one day in my shoulders, everywhere. My chiropractor on my last visit was so puzzled, she had no idea why I was doing better and suddenly things got to much worse but I already knew - TMS is back!

So here I am again, ready to step in and fight. Doctor told me that I can be in pain after herniated disc up to 9 months. Well, I give myself 3 more weeks and I' kicking this symptoms out of my body. I will not allow trick myself by the pain and inner child for so long so I'm hoping for some help and support form you.
See you around,



I'm 31, mom, wife and a dental assistant.

My story started 5 years ago when I had bike accident. Another biker didn't yield and I hit his bike from side. Unfortunately I didn't fell from it, just keep myself on the bike and all force of the hit wend on my left wrist. I went to ER but after seeing xray they send me home with some painkillers. The hand bothered me since that, I saw many doctors in Poland and they couldn't find anything to help me with pain besides cortisone shots, ultrasounds and PT. Even though I'm lefty I managed my live somehow. Since I knew I will move to US soon I decided to take care of that here. My fiance got job offer so we got married and relocate to States.

When I was about to take MRI on the wrist I discovered that I'm expecting. We were very happy, we were trying for a long time. During pregnancy and taking care of my daughter I literally forgot about the wrist problem. It didn't bothered me at all. There was still visible ball from ulnar process on left wrist but it was fine. I carried my infant, did body pump class, yoga and swimming without any problems.

I really enjoyed my motherhood but I wanted to go back to work. Staying at home mom wasn't my vocation and after two years of being full time mom I wanted to have my live outside our house. I knew we all need that, I've become overwhelmed and very hard to cooperate.
I wasn't able to get the job based on my masters degree from Poland so we decided that I will go back to school. I wanted to become Dental Hygienist like my best friend but first I decided to become Dental Assistant and see how it will work for me and if I managed school and house.

The school was great! I finally stopped pack to Poland every month. I got some native friends and they liked me. Being accepted with my accent and poor English skills was very important to me. I finally had my thing! I couldn't stop thinking about teeth, dental procedures and other dental stuff. I mastered every quiz or final. I had the highest GPA of all students in the program. For my externship I choose state university and helped students in dental school. Being so close to them I thought that maybe I should join school. I already had my master in Biology form Poland so I just needed four years of dental school to become dentist. When I worked more and more with dental cements which are thick and very sticky me left wrist started bothering me more and more. The old injury came back and I couldn't find a doctor that would help me. They were only saying that it is too old, nothing can be done except Aleve. The long I work during my extern the more my daughter become unbearable. She was cry every day and ask me not to go to work. During my school I was there only 4 hours a day, now I was away from home 10 hours and my husband was picking her up from daycare. I often run early morning to avoid the difficult goodbyes for both of us. We all were counting days to the end of my extern. My husband was so exhausted with taking care of his job, house, daughter, pets that he got shingles. But all the time he encourage me to apply to dental school.
My left wrist was much worse I had to work with splint but the people in my work liked me a lot and they offered me job there after my extern. I couldn't take it because I've been on my way to get green card but they liked me so much that they said they will keep the spot form me and the doors will be always opened for me.

Two days before end of my extern I felt pain in right wrist. I was devastated - I understood left writs but why the hell, right! And the pain come during my sleep. I woke up with swollen, pailful right wrist. Now both of my hands were out of service.

So I finished my extern and started fighting with the pain. It was so strong that I wasn't able to speak on the phone or hold the book. I wet to PT, massagers, saw three hand orthopedist one rheumatologist. The pain got better after physical therapy and the numbness was gone but the therapist said that I'm fine now and she doesn't see anything that she could help me with but I was still in some pain. I couldn't open the door, drive my car without pain. No one could explain why. I even got MRI and both hands xray. Only one hand orthopedist found some damage in TFCC (Triangular Fibrocartilage Complex). In November 2014 we did the operation and he fixed my left wrist that I broken 5 years ago. Since that time my right hands hurts so much. The pain comes and go, I have even days or two without symptoms but then the pain comes back and I'm devastated.

I'm in Educational Program and since that I've discover that my work was the problem. I was scared to leave my daughter and push everything that I was taking care of (house, pets, etc) on my husband. I felt like I shouldn't work, like it is my craving, that I'm selfish. He works in large company and earns a lot, so technically I don't have to work at all. But I want so much...I want to have my life outside the house, friends other then my nationality. I work so hard at school, especially it was difficult because of the language and event thou I was the best student. At my extern after few weeks, they asked me to work for them I'm so good in dental assisting. But now I'm sitting alone with, one hand in cast (after operation), second hurting, doing nothing because of the pain. My husband even got me a brand new Audi Q5 as the graduation gift that I cannot drive because the steering wheel is to large and thick, I can't play with my dog, she is very big and strong. Even ZUMBA or any kind of physically activity increases pain in hands ad fingers. And what is the worse, I can't carry my little princess...We both want that so much. I want to cry every time she ask me to carry her around.

Sometimes I have weird thoughts... But I have beautiful and smart daughter, loving husband, dog, cats, family in Poland, I can't leave them. So every day I start the day with sorrow, anger and hope for no pain day soon. It's been 7 months now, when it will finished?


*February 2015,
Small update : I'm 70% less pain! I feel wonderful, driving in not a problem any more, did some dance class yesterday and it felt great. Love my new life now. I believe I can fight that TMS. It hits sometimes, especially when I do physical activity but I think I got it under control. I tell myself that it's only TMS and thank my mind for taking care of me and start thinking psychologically. Still have problems with working out with my favorite DVD at home but I'll figure that out, I'll take my time. No rush with it... So happy that I found this forum and did SEP. It was hard and meditations helped a lot.
*June 2015,
Update: 99% less pain. I do my favorite DVD, work full time as a dental assistant with my hands mostly. They are situations when they hurts but its usually when I'm nervous or stressed so I try not to keep my attention to that and tell myself that it's only TMS. The book - The Great Pain Deception : Faculty Medical Advice is Making Us Worse by Steven Ray Ozanich and SEP was essential with fighting my TMS. Good luck!
I'm very happy to gain my painless life back. Thanks to this forum.
*November 2015,
I feel like I'm ready to tell you my success story! Coming soon