Sandrine

I suffer from shoulder pain for 18 years now. They started a few month after a difficult divorce in 1996. It began slowly but steadily increasing over many years. Despite the pain I continued to play Badminton which I loved a lot. Because the pain also infected my left shoulder it was clear to me that my playing Badminton was not the cause. During that time I took care of two little boys and had a lot of problems with there father. I also felt and feel guilty towards my sons for not having offered them a happy family. And on top I did not want to ask for finacinal support from others and thought I could manage all on my own (which indeed I could).

I am a freelance textile designer and everything went fine until 1999 when at the company I worked for things became difficult. At that time I developed an irritale bowel syndrom (spastic colon) that lastet for 6 month and throwed me out of social life for fearing of suddenly arrising symptoms. It dissapeared after changing the company. So it was clear that it was all psychosomatic. But despite knowing this it occurs occasionally until now and I have problems to talk about it because I feel so ashamed.

My shoulder pain became much more severe during vacations after I had finished a difficult project in 2007. A sudden sharp pain occured by opening a window and lasted with every movement above my head. So I had to stop my beloved Badmiton play. The pain increased and three month later I got a frozen shoulder on both sides with lasted over a year. I nearly could not do anything with my arms. Also working was very painful but I went forward and tried to push the pain aside.

After giving up my Badminton play due to the pain I tried to stay active (I have allways been very sportive) and went to the gym. After a couple of weeks on the cross trainer my feet began to hurt and I could hardly walk. The diagnosis was metatarsalgia and I got ortodics.

In 2011 my hips began to hurt so that I could not walk for more than 50 meters without severe pain. So I restet for 4 month sitting. Diagnosis was bursitis. After a Shiatsu massage I got slowly better and in 2012 I had a prove of the power of the brain without knowing about TMS: During summer vacation we sat by the sea looking at a nice little mountain and I said to myself: I really want to go on top of this mountain and I will! And I did! When the pain tried to surface I told it to go away because there is no need and my hips were ok (fortunately the x-rays had not shone anyhing wrong). And it worked! The pain dissapeared and since then only occasionally occures but when I am not worried about it dissapeares again. It is really a fantastic experience!

By the time my shoulder pain increased steadily. Nothing had helped and sometimes it was so severe that I thought I could not work anymore. The last 17 years I tried all therapies I could find including surgery on my right shouder in 2010 (Diagnosis was bursitis, impingement, tendonitis and artritis). But all remained the same. The right schoulder was not better (and fortunately not worse after surgery!) than the left one. So in 2013 I found Claire Davies Triggerpoint Therapy Book and worked during 12 month on these triggerpoints. And it helped. For the first time for years my shoulders became better. I could work, bike and do some little things more in the garden. So I was very confident to getting better over the next years and get parts of my life back.

But than in January this year my forearms began to hurt. I did not visit a doctor because I am sick of Ibuprofen and all that stuff. For me it was clear RSI-Syndrom. So again I could not work (I barely could not hold a pencil) and could not bike (I could not pull the brakes) and so on. I was really desparated.

Searching help via internet I stumbled over this forum. I read Dr. Sarnos books The Mindbody Prescription and The Divided Mind and like many ohter people here described I found myself on nearly every page (l am a typical TMS person with low self-esteem and so on). Directly after reading the books my RSI-Syndroms dissapeared and symptoms were heavily shifting around. I also read Healing Back Pain which is unfortunately the only book available in german for I was not sure if my unconscious mind will accept all this english stuff and I read Steve Ozanichs book wich left me very impressed. All that convinced me that I really have TMS.

I am now going through the SEP and I am feeling better every day!
Many thanks to this forum and all you here around. It is so helpful! THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH!!!

Update march 2015
It is now one year ago that I have discovered this forum and TMS. I am pretty much better now. It was a lot of mental work and reconditioning, reconditioning and reconditioning. For me it turned out to be the main thing. It is difficult but in the end it works!
There is still more work to do but I am confident!
September 2014: I was able to swim
January 2015: I played a little bit Badminton without pain!!!