Hamed

My Story: my back started hurting noticeably about a year and a half ago (about a year after my second child was born and during a period of significant familial and occupational stress). I saw an Orthopedist who diagnosed herniated disc based on an x-ray and prescribed PT. PT helped for a while, but physicophobia persisted and the pain eventually got worse. About eight months later (last April 2017), the pain crescendoed into full blown sciatica down my left leg with numbness in my left foot and toes and the inability to walk more than a few feet without being in excruciating pain. I had to eat lying face down on the floor like a dog and was out of work for 3 weeks. The MRI showed disc protrusions at L4/L5/S1 with nerve impingement and congenital stenosis. When I asked the orthopedist if the pain would get worse or continue to recur, he said, and I quote "well it's like playing Russian roulette." Talk about conditioning! Physicophobia had just heard the magic words it needed to keep it around in perpetuity. He offered but didn't insist on surgery, and recommended shots, but thanks to some good guidance from a medical friend, I declined all invasive techniques, and opted for PT. PT helped again for about a month and a half. Then the pain got worse--not as bad as it began, but bad enough to make daily life miserable. This cycle continued for the next few months...pain followed by less pain followed by more pain...hope followed by demoralization followed by loss of hope followed by full on depression all held together snugly in a tight net of anxiety that kept the TMS furnace glowing darkly.

I just want to mention also that during this time I was also experiencing SI symptoms in other areas of my body as my back pain ebbed and flowed. I was diagnosed with a bulging disc in my neck (C5/C6), carpal tunnel in both hands (symptoms being weakness and clumsiness in both hands and pain with overuse at the computer), and I started evidencing signs of asthma (shortness of breath and the inability to take a deep breath without work). The cherry (or rose) on top? I suffer from rosacea and have had it since roughly the time my first kid was born, because you know, that's not a stressful period for anyone right?

This past September, by the grace of a higher power (I'm convinced), I stumbled across a mention of Dr. Sarno and how he helped Howard Stern and Larry David, two of my personal comedic heroes, rid themselves of chronic pain. I ordered the book and read it in a week. The pain subsided a bit, enough to make life somewhat more hopeful. I continued to read his book, over and over to really absorb the material, and by this time was living quite healthily, if still painfully. I had lost 65lbs due to diet and light exercise over the course of six months. I continue to eat healthily, drink plenty of water, sleep more, exercise routinely and I'd say I'm about 85% healed. My pain persists, but not enough to keep me from doing my job and helping with the kids (I'm finally lifting them up again, and though it gives me pain, I ignore it because I want to believe in TMS and because I worship my kids and need to be their father regardless of pain). But the pain is enough to make each minute of my life miserable with thoughts of why I'm in pain and whether it's really TMS or not and if I'm making myself worse by ignoring pain. I've read Steve Ozanich’s book multiple times and refer to it often as I feel I’ve found a kindred spirit in Steve O and can draw many parallels in our experiences. I've also read Fred Amir's book a few times and have applied some of his 9 step recovery plan. And they have helped as companions to Dr. Sarno's work. But the pain is hanging around like a bully you've learned to stand up to that no longer shoves you around anymore, but still shouts insults at you all day long no matter how hard you try to ignore him.

I am DETERMINED to overcome the pain, numbness, weakness, and general depression I’ve been feeling. I may need some help along the way, and I may get turned around in the dark every now and again, but I’ll always pursue the light. I look forward to the day when I write my own success story on this site.