MatthewNJ

MORE ABOUT ME...The best word to describe me is: A recovering Goodist and recovering Perfectionist
Interests: Stress Illness, snow skiing, National Ski Patrol, biking, reading, computers, fixing things, helping others, Lindy Hop, mindfulness, meditation, spirituality.
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MY TMS/MBS SUCCESS STORY...
Here is the "readers digest " version (full version below) : I am on every page of MBP. 28 years of back pain (on and off, lasting for weeks or months at time). I read MBP in 2003 and get somewhat better (I no longer recommend this book as it is outdated). I see Dr. Sarno in 2004 and my back pain goes away. In 2005 I have vertigo and Dr. Sarno sends me to Dr. Bob Evans for counseling. This accelerates the process. In 2007 I have a stress induced gastric ulcer. In 2008 I have a 6 month bout with severe sciatica. Dr. Sarno confirms my MRI is the same as 4 years prior. At this point I say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I start doing more mindfulness and meditation and things start to improve more rapidly. But it is a journey (approximately one life time) and I am still on it. In April 2013 after about a year and a half of the most family stress I have ever encountered, I end up in the hospital with diverticulitis. This was a message to me to be more consistent with “the TMS/MBS work” . in October of 2019 I have sciatica again. This time I am off pain meds in a month -6 weeks, and it is mostly resolved in 3 months. If you don't have time for the "Long story", skip down to "Other stuff".

The "LONG" story: I am a "long Term" patient: I started the TMS/MBS journey in 2003. But not just my TMS/MBS symptoms, my LIFE IS BETTER. I have had back pain on and off since 1976. I was treated with muscle relaxers and aspirin and believed that was the way to go. Because I was an EMT at the time, I believed in treating symptoms. In 1981 I moved to NYC to become a Paramedic. During my first 9 months there, I had significant stress. This created gastritis. The gastritis continued. This back pain cycle went on as well until November 1983. I lifted a stretcher and had a twinge in my lower back. The pain never went away this time. February of 1984 I was walking on a subway platform on the way to work. I coughed. It felt like someone had hit me in the lower back with a sledge hammer. I was walking stooped over and scared witless. Within 48 hours it was R sided Sciatica. The pain was a 10 On a scale of 10. One of my paramedic partners recommended a chiropractor. I go and I "learn" that I have subluxations and rotations of my L4 and L5 and this is the "cause" of my sciatic pain . Hallelujah the "cause", it can be "fixed". So for the next 6 weeks I am disabled and I am out of work. I get the chiro treatments. I was miserable. My life consisted of laying down, with ice on my back 20 minutes on 20 minutes off all day long. Lying in bed unless I went to the bathroom or got something to eat. Eventually the pain was bearable enough for me to work again. Although frequently I had to lie down on the stretcher between ambulance calls. I could not sit for any period of time. Jump ahead to March of 1985. I left NYC, got married and moved to Connecticut. I was working for a really great private ambulance company and (I thought) the stress was lower. I was married, we had two incomes, we had a baby boy, life was good. But the back pain continued to come and go. BTW, I had 1 emotion up until this time in my life : Anger. Particularly at my wife, and sometimes for weeks at a time. At some time around 1986 I "hurt" my back again on the ambulance. My Chiro suggested swimming and I started that too. Lucky for me this time, I was able to work "light duty" instead of lying in bed all day. It was manageable. During this time period I remember having gastritis as well. I have suffered from nasal allergies since I was 12 and Eczema. In the late 80's I was being treated for gastritis fairly regularly. In 1989 I have 3 really serious Trauma calls on the ambulance, and I am so stressed I quit my full time paramedic job. Then we moved to New Jersey. This was due to the 1988 financial crises. No need for detail here other than to say our house (we bought in nov 1988) was now worth about 35% of what we paid for it. The back pain continued on and off and I continued to treat it with Chiro, somewhat successfully. The gastritis continued, and the eczema continued. Move up to 1992. I change careers to computer programming. Between 1992 and 2003, I have all kinds of ups and downs with the back pain. I spent 6 weeks working from home flat on my back with a laptop on my chest. When I went back to work, I had to work standing up. During one period of back pain, I couldn't stand, only sitting was comfortable. I never considered the inconsistency that at one point I could only sit and one point I could only stand without pain. I did Chiro, "laying on of hands", pain pills (narcotics this time) and finally I saw an orthopedic. I was given a diagnosis of a herniated disk based on an MRI. I had the standard PT and steroid injections in my spine and more narcotic pain killers (vicodin this time). My pain was pretty much a 3 on a scale of 10 all the time now. And although that is not severe, it just wore me down! I read Dr. Sarno's Mindbody Prescription (I no longer recommend this book as it is outdated). I started to read it and I thought "this guy is so full of $hit". I had a medical background and there was a herniated disk, "proven" on an MRI. What could my mind possibly have to do with this? Yet, my back started to feel better. I thought, “maybe this guy has something”. I started to use "the Jim Campobello method" from the book. I got somewhat better and then I leveled off. I went to see Dr. Sarno in 2004. He diagnosed TMS and I went through his program. Mostly the back pain was gone. In 2005 I had severe vertigo. I ruled out the physical and called Dr. Sarno. -1- he always says that if you have a new symptom, rule out a physical diagnosis and then CALL ME! He said I needed psychotherapy. Dr. Sarno sent me to one of his "trained" psychotherapists Dr. Bob Evans. Dr. Evans uses techniques to tune you into your somatic experience (Dr. Peter A. Levine : Waking the Tiger Healing the Trauma) and being "in the moment" (Dr. Jon Kabat-Zin) as well as other techniques. I started to see Dr. Evans weekly. Things improved slowly. I got very frustrated many times. I wanted to be better RIGHT NOW. At these times Dr. Evans would always gently remind me that I had taken a long time to get to this point (most of my 48 years!). It may take some time to "heal". He likes to remind me that I did not become the expert skier (I am a Senior Ski Patroller for the National Ski Patrol) over night. That actually took about 12 years of regular skiing and training. This helps with the frustration a great deal. The point is, you cannot master anything in a few hours or a few days. I have had to work very hard to be as good a skier as I am. He also taught me that "anger is easy". And together we determined it wasn't so much anger as suppressed hurt and sadness for me. Jump up to April of 2007. I start having abdominal pain. I am seeing my doctor and she has me on acid blockers and I am watching what I eat (and missing the fact that this is an equivalent of TMS- as my wife of 22 years and I are at the beginning of the end of our marriage and I am repressing emotions). This turns into a full blown gastric ulcer. I land in the hospital, pain is 10 on a scale of 10. 19 days in the hospital! I ended up having leg and lung clots (DVT and PE) as well. Anyway, I survive this too. The winter of 2007/2008 arrives and I start skiing again. I am training to become a Senior level Ski Patroller. I started to have some back pain towards the beginning of February 2008. I am ignoring it (that was not wise) and skiing top expert trails and taking people down in sleds on these slopes as part of my training and carry these sleds up on the chair lifts. Very physical stuff that I falsely believed was causing the pain. March 15th rolls around and I take the Senior Ski Patrol test and pass it. To add to the joy of that day, my son (22 at the time) had also been training with me and he takes and passes the test with me! So why do I have pain? I believe this pain event was my significant success in the Ski Patrol world and the Joy Ski Patrol gives me. I didn't feel worthy of that success and Joy wasn’t something I was taught was a good thing. I was told by many I would never attain this level of training. After I am told I passed (which was around lunch time), my back pain increased , and by dinner time, was about a 6 on a scale of 10. Within the next few days I had severe pain requiring narcotic pain killers. 10 MG of Percocet (Oxycodone) 6-7 times a day. I saw a pain specialist to get the pain killers and he insisted on an MRI. The MRI showed the herniated disk I knew I had. I called Dr. Sarno and faxed him the MRI. he said that they were the same as my MRI from 4 years earlier and " Matthew, you have more work to do!" (EG; with Dr. Evans). At this point I have had enough of this. ENOUGH is ENOUGH! I had hit rock bottom. I decide that is the last time I am going to have severe pain. I increase my appointments with Dr. Evans to twice a week. It takes a number of months, but we start to get a hold of it. By August or so, I am off the pain killers, and by the time the snow flies, I am skiing again! I continue to see Dr. Evans 1 time a week now, and I am in a much better place. Around the end of October 2008 I have been reading Dr. Jon Kabat-Zin and getting into meditation. I have to say that this has been very helpful in reducing my TMS/MBS symptom. This also lead me to meet spiritually minded people. I also get into spiritual groups and Yoga. At this point I meditate regularly. As of November of 2010, I switch from seeing Dr. Evans (although I still HIGHLY recommend him) and my wife and I start seeing a couples counselor specializing in Emotionally Focused Therapy with my wife and individually in attempt to save our marriage. This was our last ditch effort to save our marriage. In February of 2012 my wife and I separate. My 15 year old daughter and my wife move out. In April 2013 after about a year and a half of the most family stress I have ever encountered, I end up in the hospital with diverticulitis. This was a message to me to work harder. So I now meditate every day, walk 5-6 days a week, eat a healthy omnivore diet, actively work at staying social, and try to get plenty of sleep and have a spiritual practice. In February of 2015, I have relative nearly die and I am an integral part of their hospital care for over a month. And I do NOT get increased symptoms this time., YAHH, it does work , 2015 I start helping my folks (Mom 88 and Dad 91 – married 64 years at this point) to move into a Continuing Care Retirement Community near me. This comes to fruition in May 2016. Again, no increase in symptoms. In March of 2016 I take a 6 day intensive Heart Centered hypnosis course. That is the start of a new chapter in my life as this knowledge is amazing and super relevant to my TMS/MBS work. In the fall of 2016 my Dad falls (this is about the 6th one in 2-years) but this time, he doesn’t have a quick recovery. In March of 2017 I agree to sell my home of 18 years and move into my Sons house. He needed to move and I got to live in his house on a lake. In June of 2017 my Dad is diagnosed with Cancer and passes in January 2018. Still, no increase in symptoms! I step in to handle the finances for my Mom. in the winter of 2018 I am preparing for a 2 year Hypnotherapy internship class and i read " breaking free of the victim trap " by Diane Zimberoff. i now understand how codependence is a factor in my recovery and i start working on that. In June of 2018 I start one of the most intensive programs I have ever done related to Heart Centered Hypnosis. It’s 4 days every 3 months for 2 years. And we work on each other to heal and grow and learn how to help others. In March of 2019 I take Early retirement (not really by choice, because if I don’t, I could get laid off and not get the package they are offering) I choose to start a new business (mindbody coaching for folks with chronic pain and chronic illness) as part of my early retirement, as I don’t feel like retiring. But because my Dad passed I decide to spend more time with my Mom vs working full time. Since my Dad passed, I have been looking for a real estate investment. I finally succeed with this and I move at the end of September 2019. After the move I start to have back pain (actually during and before the move I had pain and i didn't address it). I am aware of it, and I'm seeing my counselor. After about 5 weeks, it turns to sciatica. I really felt like a failure to begin with. 10 years of no sever back pain and now this! Within a month to 6 weeks, I am off the opioids and back on track. WOW, that was much quicker that 2008. So, another success! At the beginning of 2021, my counselor turns me on to “The Whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts” This is the Internal Family Systems model of Dr. Dick Schwartz. I enrolled in some of his programs and they are excellent. I now have had added that into my personal toolbox and the skills I offer clients. In October of 2020 my Mom falls and fractures her hip. I am SO glad I took early retirement because I am available to help her until she passed in September of 2021. And still only minor symptoms. This work pays off, but it takes time!

This has been updated as of 4/11/23.

Other stuff:

Other TMS equivalents I have had (since I was probably about 9-12 years old) are Tinnitus, Eczema, gastritis, gastroenteritis, knee pain, foot pain ,plantar fasciitis, shoulder pain that radiates down my arm, sciatica, generalized itching, nasal allergies, depression, dysphoria, anxiety, migraine and tension headaches, knotted muscles, laryngitis, gastric ulcers, joint stiffness that lasts for weeks at a time, insomnia, dry eyes, itching eyes, hearing loss, TMJ pain, diarrhea, skin infections, finger pain. Achilles tendinosis and chest pain (yes I saw my regular doc about this), gout. The list is almost endless.

In my mind, if you want to get better and STAY better, here are my ideas on this:
-1- Remember this : IMO western medicine (and those of us conditioned by it's methods) , if we have a pain, go to the doctor, expect a pill or a surgery to fix it and expect to go home "cured". My experience (and MANY others) say this doesn't work. We are only treating the symptom in about 95% of the cases. Therefore, it comes back because we haven't gotten to the real cause. BUT …always rule out the physical first as you may have one of the 5% that are treatable in traditional Western ways.
-2- Try a lot of different things. Take from each what works for you
-3- Commit to it and do it every day. Even if it is only 5 minutes a day to start.
I believe an integral approach to my health and well being is necessary. EG: eat well, get enough sleep, exercise, meditate, have a spiritual practice and a social life. I am now more proactive about symptoms. I don't wait for them, I keep in touch with my body and my mind. I figure I am in touch with my body about 95% of the time now and that is improving every day. This is what Dr. Peter Levine calls "Somatic Experience" - I continue to work on it all the time (every day, through out the day) and I continue to get better. Meditation is a great help here. It helps me tune into the moment (be mindful and aware). Not what was, or what is going to be, just what is.....now, in the present moment! It also gives me an opportunity to choose to not be bothered by the things that otherwise would activate my nervous system. Then my mindbody has an opportunity to chill out, or better yet, stay chill.
There is no “quick fix”. You can't fix in a short time, that which was created over a lifetime (and in utero and generational trauma). You need to make life changes that are positive and will be with you for the rest of your life. It is like a diet. You can go on a diet and lose weight or you can change your eating habits. When you diet and then you go back to eating the way you did before the diet, you just gain the weight back. I see that you have to have a new way of "eating" all the time, so when the weight is gone, you are still "eating" the same way. Your habits have changed and the weight stays gone. Substitute "pain" for "weight" in the above and that is the approach I follow.

Feel free to EM me MatthewRosett@Gmail.com

Other information:

In September of 2012 i started helping folks with their chronic pain as a peer. I am a Reiki master and trained in meditation and mindfulness. In March of 2016 I took the Six Day Intensive Hypnosis program through The Wellness Institute in Seattle. In June of 2016 I embarked on a 2 year Internship* in Heart Centered Hypnotherapy and became certified as an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist. In March of 2019 I was offered early retirement from my 26 years in IT and embarked on my next career as a Mindbody coach specializing in chronic pain and chronic illness. In January of 2021 , I have added the Internal Family Systems model of Dick Schwartz to my tool box.

* we had 4 day retreats every 3 months for 2 years. I got to do a lot of really deep work for myself and learned how to help treat other people as well. It has been amazingly transformational.