10 Ways To Live Without Attachment

It always amuses me how a particular lesson continues to show up in our life until we get it. Sure, it comes in different forms – a physical sign, something we hear, a challenge we confront – but it comes repeatedly.

Lately my lesson is learning how to let go. That might seem like a nebulous idea, but it’s really quite simple: the tighter the grip, the more tension is created. The more tension that lives in our bodies, the more stressed out we are, and stress equals the root of all evil.

Knowing what we want and having zero control over timing can be a struggle. It’s important to learn how to have a dream, wish it well, send it on its way, then get back to living in the here and now. It's like sending a message in a bottle off to sea; yeah, we hope someone finds it and responds, but we aren't desperate for that to happen and almost forget about it once it hits the tide.

Here are some ways I've learned to apply that same breeze to everyday life:

1. Figure out what grounds you and do it daily.

I wake up every morning and do the same series of five-minute stretches, drink hot water with lemon, take a shower, do a quick meditation, eat breakfast, then feel ready to brave the day. I like to get a workout in if possible, but if not, this routine still sets me up to be present and productive. Taking this time for myself brings me to a place of balance. From that place I can respond with a calm, secure attitude, continuously moving forward as I confront things that might otherwise stop me in my tracks.

2. Do what you love.

Stop saying yes when you want to say no. Figure out what makes your heart smile. Spend as much time as possible doing that, and trust that you can make a career out of it. This makes uncertainty exciting because there’s a faith that every moment has the potential to bring true joy.

3. Release the ego and say goodbye to self-doubt.

Judgement, comparisons, fears, insecurities, and all the guilty feelings that create pain in our lives stem from the ego. Do not let them guide you. Take control of your mind; empower it.

4. Cultivate unshakeable self-love.

Yes, we’re all crazy. Feel better now that that’s out there? We’re also all awesome; own that, because who cares about the rest? Expand on the ways you rock and forget the rest. When you feel good about yourself, you feel good about everything else.

5. Take nothing personally.

We’re all fighting the good fight and doing it the best way we know how. Everyone handles stuff differently. Choose to let things bounce off you, and they will. It’s so much easier this way!

6. Look whatever feeling comes up straight in the face and be OK with it.

Then choose to move forward anyway. Learning to be comfortable with discomfort is a lesson that will last a lifetime. Just take a deep breath and stop trying to analyze it. Feel it, move on.

7. Slow down and pay attention.

When we aren't filling the time with minutiae there’s a lot of empty space. Which is a good thing. That allows us to tune into the detail and pay attention to the signs. This is where we get little winks from the universe that we’re heading in the right direction. The winks are so fulfilling!

8. Relax.

The majority of our society lives from a place of fear. Get out of your adrenals. It always works out the way it’s supposed to, and it’s all going to be OK.

9. Come from a place of unconditional love.

Don't sweat the small stuff, give and show love every way you can. Happiness is a choice, make that perspective your priority.

10. Practice patience.

Keep your eye on the prize but enjoy the journey. All good things come to those who wait.

BY STEFANI BECKERMAN

 

Herbie, thanks for the analysis of letting go. It sure is one we have to re-learn all the time.

Happiness sure is a matter of perspective and perception. It's so easy to let a stressful situation take over our emotions.
Happiness definitely is a choice. Stefani Beckerman got it right.

 

Herbie, this is an excellent post, thanks for sharing. I'm struggling a bit with the project I'm on, where it's so far off the rails it's scary. Thankfully the entire team are sharing this feeling of despair so I'm not alone. Reading posts like this really help me at the moment. You're a treasure.

 

Thank you so much Colly, You're a treasure to me every time I read one of your awesome replies in helping others and just your coolness is contagious. Try practicing the "as if" model that is in my book. Act as if its already done and visualize seeing yourself and your team happy and giving each other high fives for a job well done, often when we are at the end of our thoughts if we we bypass the middle and see the circumstances as already complete we can then relax and let fresh new promising ideas come in.
Good Luck, I know you can do it, your an awesome person and thats a lot.
Bless You

 

What a great idea Herbie! I do try to visualise a good day in advance, but my focus is usually just to get through each day. It's very powerful to visualise a successful outcome of this project, even though it hardly seems that way at the moment. Thanks for this, I'll broaden my horizon from now on! Cheers matey!

 

OK, I loved this, but #4 made me laugh out loud! Yes, I DO feel better that that's out there!
TFS, Herbie!

 

I have two jobs, both on the computer, one taking 2 hours a day and the other anywhere from 4 to 6 hours.
That one is with a friend who is a book publisher. He is a perfectionist's perfectionist and a workaholic's workaholic, and very likely crazy besides.
I told him more than once that his ego is bigger than 10 Grand Canyons, but he's denied even having the ego the size of a mole hole.

He could eat ten people alive with his demands, but I manage to just let him take small chunks out of me. I actually just managed to see one project my way, that his requests for an enormous amount of work was unrealistic and also just plain not possible to get for him. I was ready to scream until he accepted my explanation -- very rare for him -- and it has eased things up a lot.

He actually let go. It could have been a first for him!

 

Thank you Walt. I had to stand up to a demanding client in my last project, and thankfully it cleared the air for us once I did. The egos in my industry are massive! My current project workload is split between Perth and Melbourne, and the two offices are in conflict - both fighting over the workload. Communication between the two offices is almost non existent, and yet we have to work together to deliver a successful project. I feel like I'm swimming in treacle every day, but have to remind myself that the buck stops with project management, not me, and I just try to "keep calm and carry on"!

 

Thanks, Herbie..if I can call you that. I still think everything is easier said than done but there has to be a start, right?

 

Hi, Colly. I'm glad the stressful project is in the hands of project management and not you. Your advice to yourself is best:
"keep calm and carry on." That's what I try to do with my publisher boss. He'd want everything perfect and immediately.
Sometimes perfection isn't possible and his wants are unrealistic. He wouldn't want that advice, so I don't give it. I just say
"I'll try my best." Then I do what I can that is realistic.

 

Colly, do visualize the way you want it to be when all is complete. See yourself 15 minutes after all this is complete, imagine it daily for minutes at a time till you feel the emotions you would have after this is accomplished. Seeing what you want in the future as it has already happened in the now is a staple in enlightenment, don't believe someday in the future, believe it now. Do this for all you want, or need. It takes conditioning but the results are amazing, and the benefits are almost more than you can believe for, bless you.

 

Great thoughts and advice, Herbie. I think visualizing positive images and results are very helpful.
Believing the pain-free results NOW. I love it.

 

Herbie and Colly,
I was just looking at my chapter 1o on faith and spirituality for the June 24th call-in and found something we quoted from Louise Hay that relates to your discussion about visualizing what you want it to be when all is complete:

She suggests taking a positive thought, such as imagining yourself being healed of a pain, and say it, preferably out loud, while you visualize it being true.
This is applying a heavy dose of positive thinking to healing your pain.