After a sexual assault, I started experiencing pudendal nerve pain.

Hi everyone, I have pudendal nerve neuralgia — could it be TMS? I’d like to share my story.

Five and a half months ago, this pain started after someone I deeply despised sexually assaulted me through coercion, using many manipulative tactics to get me into his car. The truth is that while it was happening, I remained calm because I believed he wouldn’t hurt me — he just wanted to fulfill his whim of having sex with me. I thought it would be over soon and I’d walk away as if nothing had happened.

So I stayed calm until he penetrated me, and the pain was very intense — it lasted about a minute and it wasn’t like “nerve pain,” it was a different kind of pain. After it ended, I acted normal, but a few minutes later, pain started in my anus (which was strange because the assault happened vaginally). It was a throbbing, stretching kind of pain. I went into a crisis of extreme rage toward this man, and an intense fear that my vagina had been “damaged forever” and would never be the same.

During the assault I was calm, but when I felt that pain, I was filled with rage that this repulsive man had damaged something inside me. When I walked, I felt a pulling sensation in my vagina, and the next day I had intermittent anal pain (it would come and go), and it caused me a lot of anxiety and distress.

The gynecologist found microtears in my vagina, and I kept feeling this stretching sensation and like my legs were being held apart. Honestly, I believe he physically hurt me — he had an extremely thick, wide penis, and I have a small body, a narrow vagina, not much sexual activity, and there was no arousal or lubrication because it was assault.

That’s when my neuropathic pain began. I was prescribed pregabalin (an anticonvulsant) — I take 150 mg in the morning and 150 mg at night.

A month later, I had massages on my lower back, sacrum, and coccyx. After the massages, the vaginal and anal pain disappeared, but then numbness started in my lower back, and the next day I developed a very strong neuropathic pain in the lower back, sacrum, and coccyx, along with visible swelling in the lower back.

Then the nerve pain and sensations started spreading to my legs, feet, arms, hands, and even my face. When I touch my lower back, I have hypersensitivity — touching it causes nerve sensations in other parts of my body. It felt like a nerve was pinched in the sacrum, blocking the pain from reaching the genitals, like the connection had been cut off.

Then a month later, I stretched my leg backward and it seemed like the nerve was released — and the vaginal and anal pain returned. So now I’m dealing with pain in the vagina, anus, lower back, and nerve sensations in my legs and arms.

It’s been five months like this without real improvement. The only relief comes from rest. I can only walk a little each day without pain. When I walk too much, the pain increases and it feels like something moves or cracks in the sacrum. The inflammation in the lower back is still present.

I’ve already learned a lot about TMS and neuroplastic pain. I’ve talked to people who recovered from pudendal nerve issues with TMS, and I’ve read many success stories here on this wiki.

So my question is: do you think I have TMS? It seems like I had a real injury, but maybe the pain stayed because of the intense fear I had toward the symptoms?

I’m doing therapy and trying to recognize my emotions. I feel very aware of them, but the rage and disgust toward this man are always present, along with the belief that he ruined my perfect body and changed it forever.

 

I had pudendal nerve neuralgia-like symptoms. (Mine started after using an electrical kegel exercise appliance to strengthen my pelvic floor muscles as I was advised to do by a medical doctor.) The pain was severe and lasted many months (at least 18 months) because I went down the rabbit hole of thinking I'd damaged myself, but eventually the pain and other sensations went away when I stopped thinking like that. If I knew then what I know now, I would have just bought myself my foam cushion with its cut out (https://putnams.co.uk/collections/pressure-cushions/products/vulva-pressure-relief-cushion) to carry around with me to sit on when required and otherwise forget about/dismiss thoughts of any permanent damage. (I know Dr Sarno said not to use aids like cushions, but I viewed my cushion as purely something to help me to get on with my life, while I waited for my brain to stop TMSing me those symptoms.)

You might have already seen them, but in case you haven't, I suggest that you read Ezer's postings regarding his recovery from symptoms that were labelled as being pudendal neuralgia when they were actually mind/body/TMS https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/pelvic-pain-healed.8680/ (Pelvic Pain - Healed) (Pelvic Pain - Healed).

 

Hi, thank you so much for replying. Your experience gives me hope — maybe the causes are similar, like an irritation or a nerve injury that healed, but the fear perpetuated the pain and it eventually turned into TMS. Just to clarify, English is not my native language, so I’m not sure if my translation is good.

Thanks also for sharing Ezer’s story. I’ve seen a few success stories here and I really love this place because it’s so positive — it has really changed my mood. Other forums about the pudendal nerve are chaotic stories that take away your hope and positivity.

The cushion might be good to help not focus on symptoms, but I haven’t sat on a chair for months. I’m going to wait two more months and then start exercising to tell my body that everything is safe, that there’s no danger. I’m doing some exercise now but it’s low intensity.

I hope this is all TMS. What makes me doubt it is the inflammation in my lower back and the lack of strength in the anus. I also slightly doubt it because it seemed to start with an injury. Still, I have symptoms that match TMS.
Really appreciate your help!

 

The TMSing brain can create all manner of symptoms... inflammation, weakness, numbness etc., virtually anywhere in the body. I had chronic pain in my anus (after a bowel movement - the pain was severe and lasted many months). I also had cooccyx pain for a long time too and seemingly associated with the latter I experienced numbness when I sat; other parts of my body have been swollen and inflamed (e.g. breasts) for no apparent reason and my pelvic girdle muscles have gone through periods of feeling very weak as well as painful. The main thing you can do to help yourself (after having been checked out medically) is to 'suspend your disbelief' that there is anything else going on other than TMS. I suggest doing the free Structured Education Programme 42 day course to help, here's the link to it: https://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Structured_Educational_Program (Structured Educational Program) and to read at least one of Dr Sarno's books, e.g. 'The Mind Body Prescription'. (As you know from my other postings, I am not completely TMS free as I still have some symptom flares, but I am so very much improved.)

 

Hi there, welcome to the forum.

First, I'm sorry for what happened to you. You're a brave person for having the courage to share this.

Yes, it looks a lot like TMS. Might be there was some tissue damage in the beggining, but it's hard to tell really. The way you told your story, it looks like you protected yourself through numbness but very quickly some part of you rebelled against the situation. I think letting your rage express itself is paramount. Here's an exercise of Emotional Awareness:



Btw I was advised both by my PT as by a pain doctor to refrain from using the word inflammation for my lower back. They said those jolts of pain we have there doesn't mean it's inflamed. And that helped me getting calmer.

Hope you start improving soon!

 

I’m so sorry this happened to you. You are brave for telling us your story. Yes, this all sounds very much like TMS. The one thing I have learned is our brains can create any kind of symptom. It can latch on to anything you fear. My main symptoms started with hip and abdominal/pelvic pain but quickly evolved to other things. Everything felt so sensitive. I was scared to roll over in bed because I feared triggering a symptom. I recall thinking to myself how awful it would be if I had pain during intimacy. My brain decided to latch on to that fear and I ended up having a new symptom of pain upon climax.

This is just an example of how creative our brains are! I do want to say all of those symptoms ended up going away. I committed to doing emotional work, soothing myself, looking a little deeper which led to connect many things together that I was denying and not wanting to face. In order to heal, you do have to lean into the fears. So I leaned into it, and every time my brain threw statements at me that I was broken, that I would have pain for the rest of my life, I acknowledged it, agreed with it, rolled my eyes, and moved on.

There’s loads of resources on this forum. The SEP is really effective and it’s been already recommended by a couple people here. I have faith you will recover, too.

 

This is a wonderful reminder! And so so true. Please listen to Jan. ❤️

 

Your response was a great help to me. The possible TMS I seem to have caused me all kinds of symptoms—I experienced weakness in my legs. I have pain in the anus after defecating, and it reassures me to know that you had it too. I also have terrible, very intense tailbone pain. Your symptoms were undoubtedly related to the pudendal nerve.

I read your posts where you talked about unexplained breast inflammation, and it surprised me because I also had that some time ago. I realized I was creating it myself, along with chest muscle pain and even inflamed rib cartilage—but those symptoms went away, although they happened before the incident.

I didn’t know about the existence of TMS, but I did realize that I was creating the breast pain due to being in a panic. However, pudendal nerve neuralgia is very different—it doesn’t feel like I’m creating it consciously. It feels very unconscious, because it started out like an injury. If this is TMS, my brain definitely managed to fool me well.

Thank you for your support. I’m sending you a hug and wishing you the best of luck with your surgery! I’m waiting on the results of an MRI, which I know can’t show nerves, but I won’t be doing any more tests. I want to start TMS treatment, even though I don’t know for sure if I have it—but it seems very likely.

 

Hi, thank you so much, you're very kind. I apologize for sharing something so heavy, and I tell it this way because you might understand whether it could be related to emotions and TMS. It’s possible that I did react by minimizing the situation and with indifference—most likely I repressed a lot in that moment as a way to protect myself. I believed nothing bad would happen, that it was just a terrible situation but it would pass. My reaction of anger came when I realized this could have consequences and be more serious than I thought. I reacted terribly, but I suppressed it because I couldn’t yell or hit him, so I repressed it even more. But I was fully aware that I was fucking angry. It might not be a typical form of TMS, but maybe it’s a variant of it. When I first felt the pain, and every time after that, I experienced huge anxiety and despair—that fear might have helped perpetuate the symptoms. Anyway, I don’t know for sure, but I’ll find out soon. Thank you so much for your video, any information helps and adds up. Sending you a hug.

 

Hi, thank you so much, and I apologize for sharing something so heavy. I truly appreciate your kindness. You said something that really impacted me—I definitely relate to that phrase you mentioned, that the brain can cling to anything that scares you.

In my case, the symptoms caused me terrible fear. From the very first moment I felt pain, it made me extremely anxious and worried. I felt sure it was something bad, and I also felt a lot of anger, because I believed that person had caused it—it felt like a deep indignation, a huge sense of powerlessness.

My symptoms started with pelvic and hip pain (left hip), and then they spread to my back and all over my body after the massage. I’m experiencing a kind of sacroiliitis (pain, inflammation in the sacrum); it feels like pain in the sacral ligament, right in the hollows of my lower back.

So I share that in common with you—starting with a few symptoms and then having them evolve into many. All TMS cases describe something similar, which is why I believe I have some signs that point to TMS.

It’s incredible what you shared about thinking of a symptom and then it manifesting. That’s something often mentioned with TMS—that when you read about symptoms online, you can later create them. The brain is truly powerful.

What you said about accepting the symptoms is great advice. I had created a kind of resistance to them, which might actually be what's making them persist.

Your story helps me a lot, especially since it's also about pelvic and hip pain—so similar to mine. I'm really happy you were able to overcome it. It’s very brave of you, whether you did it through reading other people’s stories or on your own.

Healing from that kind of desperate pain must feel like getting your life back and starting a new one, from a different place of awareness.

Thank you for your words. And yes, there are so many resources here, which is one of the most important things in recovery—so the mind doesn’t spin in circles too much.

Sending you a hug.

 

Hi, thank you so much for the support. All of you are making a huge difference with your responses because any kind of information can be essential for finding peace of mind.

My brain really managed to take control over me—it made me rest for many months. But I always go on my daily walks, which have been a great help as emotional therapy, and I believe that if this is TMS, those walks where I reflect a lot will be the key to overcoming it.

I understand that TMS is a survival mechanism and a false alarm of danger. If my case is indeed TMS, then it was triggered when I perceived the pain as a serious threat the first time I felt it, when maybe it was just a passing pain that would have faded on its own.

I do have some indicators that it could be TMS, and I hope it is, because that’s something I could work through. I'm confident that it's something I could heal from, and if it turns out to be that way, I will share how I progress—because none of this would be possible without the information you all share.

I just hope this is all a scare, a bad dream, and that I learn a lot from it. Thank you, sending you a hug.