I am really struggling to feel anger towards my mother, who has Covert Narcissism going on. It's tough for a few reasons: 1, I imagine her as a small child who is just struggling to be in the world herself. She doesn't know any better. 2, I hate the thought of anyone hurting or hurting anyone. I am deeply sensitive to suffering (to the extent that I have definitely "hardened" myself up.) 3, She doesn't "do" anything especially bad now. She was emotionally neglectful when I was young, incredibly strict, and I was forced to deal with a lot of painful stuff (like my parents divorcing) on my own with no loving guidance. My upbringing resulted in a lot of pain, confusion, and deep struggles with life. I don't trust people (especially women) and fear true intimacy and vulnerability. I am counter-dependent, perfectionistic, afraid of conflict, yada yada (TMS personality). When I think about feeling mad at my mother, I just feel guilt. How can I get angry at someone who doesn't know what she's done? I feel it would be the same as getting angry at an animal. I pity her, really. It also makes me feel weird about setting "boundaries" because she isn't doing anything awful now. I'm just afraid of offending her because I will feel more guilty. Or she might have an NPD meltdown, which is not worth it. The last one she had led to the onset of my protracted TMS symptoms. The last time I saw her, my symptoms revved up for months, so I can't really see her anymore. So, I've just drifted away from her and made excuses. But my dad says she has noticed, and this causes me even more guilt, wondering how she really feels about that. Every interaction (or lack of interaction) with her causes anxiety. I had to telephone at xmas and I was in a cold sweat about doing it. I have to be fake and pretend all is fine and I hate it. And I think she might be aware that I'm faking it. And I'm still dealing with it even though I'm not really seeing her. Like on my birthday, my dad called but she never came on the phone, which was really unusual. It freaked me out for the rest of the day wondering why she didn't. I'm constantly on edge and second-guessing myself. I have no-one to really talk to about this because her "social mask" is so convincing that no-one has ever known who she really is. Unless you cross her, you'll never see it. It's a Catch-22. You can't confront her about anything because there isn't "anything" to confront. Passive aggression, emotional neglect, and covert abuse can be subtle and nebulous. And someone with NPD is so deep in denial, there's no point in talking reasonably about things. Everyone we knew growing up think I "went off the rails" because no-one knew what went on behind closed doors. Honestly, part of me just wishes she would die so I don't have to deal with this mess anymore. It's like this horrible spectre in the background of my life and I just want to be done with it. I can sometimes cry about the fact that I didn't have the gift of a genuinely loving mother and about the mess we're in now. But the anger, no. Yet, when I was a teenager, I was really angry at her for treating my sister badly. But not me. I convinced myself that she had deliberately picked on my sister because it would hurt her more (she told my sister, secretly, that my dad didn't want us). Probably this is also why I hardened up and rebelled, to not be a victim of her. Does anyone relate or have tips about feeling the anger? I did IDSTP for 6 months, but it just kicked off my symptoms so bad I couldn't function. And I can't afford any more.