Anxiety/Fear -> Pain

I've been on this forum for a while and I've been really frustrated with the lack of understanding behind my TMS sensations. I've recently listened to a YT video by Helmut about stress bucket i.e. once overflowing that could cause TMS symptoms. I've concluded EMDR and I believe childhood trauma caused some of that bucket to fill but I don't believe it's a major factor in recent years.

I've been doing hypnosis recently and my subconscious started to open up and tell me something I haven't considered before as to why I'm on high alert and what may be a major player in my TMS sensations.

Over the past 15 years I've been getting recurrent severe traumatic swellings at the back of my ear. It's so severe that it pushes on my skull and eyes. After my last severe flare I never felt the same and following that I experienced severe photosensitivity that lasted for months (could not watch TV). ChatGPT advises that the brain could interpret these swellings as danger signals which set the stage for my nervous system being on high alert and creating many of the functional symptoms I've experienced since. Perhaps my nervous system was so sensitised by the last flare that anything else (medications, herbs, vitamins, stress, covid etc) broke the camel's back so to speak and caused the TMS symptoms. For my brain: recurrent swelling near brain = danger = damage = threat to life.

Dr's aren't able to help me with these flares despite ultrasounds and MRI's showing nothing at all (no identifiable cyst as they thought they'd find). Could these flares be TMS itself i.e. mind causing it and reacting to it as danger at the same time? If this is truly major reason why my CNS is sensitised how do I assure my mind that I'm not in danger from brain abscesses, seizures (as inflammation is near brain)etc. One Dr said the flares I get is so bad that it could causes sepsis ... that caused severe anxiety as you can imagine. I'm not sure how to deal with this information and I don't know why I didn't think of it as a possible cause until hypnosis when the hypnotist instructed my brain/nervous system, to go back to my original blueprint.

A psychologist once said that two siblings could go through the same childhood trauma and one grows into an adult as a victim and other as a warrior. Throughout all my adult life I saw my childhood abuse as a opportunity as it made me a warrior and the strong person I am today. Correlation isn't necessarily causation and doctors are quick to assume childhood neglect = abuse = psychosomatic pain. However, one thing I've always suffered from is severe health anxiety and I've always seen myself as a victim of poor health. I feel there's a lot of rage within me i.e. unfair that my poor health (crohn's, mastoid swellings) has robbed so much from the quality of my life. Although I was able to see myself as a warrior from childhood neglect I was never able to have the same attitude in regards to my health. I think that's because I could always rely on myself to make things happen if people mistreat me but if I'm suffering in pain, fatigue etc and I can't depend on myself then I'm f****d. If I can't depend and look after myself then that means threat = danger = fear. Does this make sense?

How do I fix this? I Dr's can remove the trigger to these swellings what do I do? The flares are in such a sensitive part of my skull and compresses very sensitive nerves. You can imagine the danger signals that are activated. Usually the danger signals subside after a flare but after the last severe flare I never got back to baseline. I think that's because there was so much fear and anxiety around the severity of the flare.

 

If Helmut speaks to you, please listen to his messages.. there is nothing to fix. Searching for a “cause” and an “answer” outside of your understanding of basic pain science will not heal you.
You need to actively engage in your emptying the stress bucket to lower your symptoms over time.
All this searching and examining is creating more stress and desperation. Helmut instructs us to begin letting it go by allowing those thoughts and emotions of fear, the anxiety etc happen without engaging them unless it’s the time in the AM you are having a meeting with yourself. At that time he suggests you actively decide your response to those thoughts -making choices to engage or disengage with them.
For other time of the day - he spent 2 hours a day, which is his suggested time, you engage your natural endorphins by walking and visualizing a bit of the past and imagine your future in engaging and positive means. Being successful at your imaginary perfect job, your current job, your hobby, a hobby or activity you’ve always dreamed about doing. Places you imagine seeing etc. Then his suggestion is to spend a whole hour a day dancing as “elevation” - personally, I prefer slow and simple Qui Gong flows so that’s what I do. I have posted about this to you before.
My suggestion is to re-read past passages people have written to you before on the forum, too. Sometimes it takes time for the TMS mind to allow or even “see” certain ideas and accept them. You frequently ask questions but they are all basically the same or similar questions. You have your answers, the mind just needs to accept them. That can take time too. It did for me. Everything was either confusion or a problem to be solved for awhile.
The sensation of being “stuck” will ease once you lighten your load.