Back and forth

Been having trouble deciding lately if I have reinjured my hamstring with my race training or if this is a pain flare of the old tendinopathy. Fear is getting to be bad for me again. I want to keep training but it's hard when people push me to rest or go with gradual exposure to activity. I really don't want to go the MRI route again because it is just going to show the same tendinopathy and hip FAI and labral tear, nothing new.

I really hate the thought of stopping training. I don't know how to decide when it is too risky.

 

How long ago did you (possibly) reinjure it?

 

Either two or three weeks ago with a tougher workout run. Those are on Thursdays. I've still been able to run since but seems to be getting worse.

They threw us back into the office two days a week after being WFH over 5 years so I know my stress is up, but this seems too closely tied to effort. I'm in a high doubt period, I guess

 

I don’t think rest or taking a break for a week two is wrong or unwise, especially if it can come from a place of self compassion. It can grant perspective about our bodies ability to heal. But I hear you, it’s so easy to fall in the fear loop, of “great I am screwed forever I’ll never be able to do my hobbies again” and just endlessly googling our symptoms. I had an orthopedist appointment today for an acute knee injury 2 weeks ago, and his exam indicating a high likelihood of an ACL tear, and I’ve spent hours in the fear loop now, googling, catastrophizing, thinking the darkest thoughts that I won’t utter here, cursing myself for my hobbies that *possibly* did this. And all this after crippling TMS for 8 ish months that have stolen my life. But what is this fear and misery getting me? All I can do is wait for the MRI results and rest in the meantime.

I think it’s in these really low moments where true, genuine and lasting progress is to be made. Let’s both take it easy on ourselves!

 

“But what is this fear and misery getting me?“


Time to pull out Claire Weekes @Rusty Red

here’s a blog post by my TMS coach that might help. She has quite a few older posts about her pain or “injuries” and triggers of athletes for TMS..

https://www.thepfathlete.com/blog/the-link-between-injuries-and-your-beliefs-actions-and-recovery (The Link Between Injuries and Your Beliefs, Actions, and Recovery)

 

@Cactusflower I have her on hold at the library, taking forever! I will check out that blog, thank you.

 

@Rusty Red
Here’s Claire Weekes reading her book Hope and Help for Your Nerves (such a fantastic book!)

 

Rusty! Journal about this! Think about it. For you to get pain right when this is happening is super indicative of TMS. I also think work is almost always the number one reason for TMS— It’s such a good source for being angry and suppressing it, because you have to keep your job and you don’t want to hate your job. That will make life so much more miserable. I just see this over and over in people, and in my past TMS. I would definitely explore that— and soon —since the pain just came and the job change just came. (TMS loves to pick potential and believable sports injury locations— Because they scare athletes; they make you think you’re not going to be able to do what you love anymore— And bingo! That’s got you afraid!)

 

I did journal about it the other night, no huge breakthroughs but I will still work at it. I know how much I dislike my job, just not something I can change at the moment. Being back in the office doing it is definitely unpleasant!

 

Now that I think about it, I think I'm due an audiobook for the month for Amazon Music. Need to see if I can get this!