Beginner to TMS - my story thus far

Hi all

I have been lurking these forums with interest for a little while, and today decided to finally bite the bullet and sign up and introduce myself. I thought I'd share my story thus far. Ironically, I'm sick off work today with a cold, headache and nausea. I'm a 28 year old female living in the UK with my husband and our cat. I am very new to the concept of TMS; I started to read Lissa Rankin's Mind Over Medicine recently and although I have not yet finished that, I have over the last couple of days started to listen to Dr Sarno's Mindbody Prescription audiobook, and have purchased The Divided Mind book to follow it up with. I have dabbled with the Curable app and been in email correspondence with one of their developers, but have not as yet fully immersed myself in it.

Last year I had surgery which led to me being diagnosed with endometriosis - I know this is not strictly classified as TMS, but I feel that a lot of my other ailments are TMS, and possibly as a result of the stress associated with the aforementioned endometriosis. I will here add that I can pinpoint the day that the endometriosis "started" for me, which was around 5 years ago, the night before I was due to move out of my childhood home and I was feeling very emotional. I have also recently watched a video with Steve Ozanich whereby he states that he believes there is an emotional root cause for endometriosis, and I found myself identifying with all of the personality traits he detailed. I find that most of the TMS posts/information I find is in relation to back pain, but - touch wood - this is not something, thankfully, I have been afflicted with, and sometimes I therefore find it hard to find posts that I identify with.

For over 10 years I have had recurring ear problems which seem to be specifically associated with my left ear, including bouts of eustachian tube dysfunction, labyrinthitis and hearing loss, which always pass in a week or less, and which I'm told there's no underlying cause for but which are recurrent and indeed I'm in the middle of an "episode" now. I also have very intense leg pains for which again, no underlying cause has been found, despite having visited numerous Doctors and even a Specialist over the years. I do also have numerous spider veins in my legs but no health professional who has examined these seems concerned about. About 6 months ago I had very severe neck pain and numbness/pins and needles in my arms which I felt would never go away, and numerous tests/examinations were done, when eventually I was told it was due to stress, and thankfully this has since subsided. At the time I also had a thyroid blood panel done due to hair loss, tiredness and palpitations but this came back clear. I have battled with, and still am to an extent, numerous digestive issues over the years to including bloating and acid reflux which dietary changes and supplements did nothing for. I also suffer with acne, again despite dietary changes. I do not think I get enough sleep, and I find that once I am awake, I cannot go back to sleep. I am therefore almost permanently tired.

I have always been quite "sickly", for lack of a better word, even as a child, and recently read The Highly Sensitive Person which really resonated with me. I am very hypersensitive and always have been. I know that I do have some "issues" left over from my childhood that I need to confront/work through; growing up I was never hugged and my parents have never told me they loved me, they argued a lot and were alcoholics. My mum moved out of the family home with no warning to have an affair and then later returned before they separated and sold the family home. Emotions have always been an awkward subject, I can recall us all being at family members' funerals with none of us daring to cry. I definitely found myself agreeing with a lot of the "rage" that Sarno refers to in MBP. I am extremely anxious and sometimes find leaving my house daunting. I have bouts of intense depression coupled with suicidal thoughts (not that I would ever contemplate carrying it out, rather I question the point of going on if my life is to be fraught with such persistent pain and/or illness). I have very little self-confidence and do not feel I have achieved much with my life. I do not really have any friends and feel unsatisfied in my job, I have never travelled and still at the age of 28 have not learned to drive. I am a people pleaser at my own expense, a "goodist", I suppose.

Over the years I've immersed myself in an assortment of "alternative" treatments and diets such as Paleo, low-carb, veganism etc, to no avail, alongside various supplements, none of which did anything.

Anyway, that's my rather rambly introduction. I intend to fully consume Sarno's works and hopefully start to make peace and heal myself. I look forward to continuing to read through your posts, and am going to go and have a look at the TMS Recovery Program just now.

Thanks for reading

 

Welcome to the Forum, Emilie!

Thank you for sharing your story which will resonate with many people here.

Keep reading and studying about TMS. The Recovery Program is great and I'm sure you'll find much there to begin applying to your life. If you feel you need a daily, structured approach at some point, the Structured Education Program that is free on this site, may also be a good fit for you.

Keep us informed on how you're doing and feel free to ask questions at any time. There are many wise and compassionate people on the Forum, and we are all here to support one another.

Best wishes on your healing journey........

 

Hello Emilie,

Congratulations on making the dive and for taking the initiative with your own healing. This is a time of profound learning for you and as you have touched upon in your introduction, a time to begin connecting dots.

May I just say how much I loved your opening gambit. It's nice to see a fair balance of biography and health woes because this shows you are on the right track. This bodes well my dear. And quite honestly, given your background, it's not surprising you are suffering. One of the lovelier elements of TMS is the healing of the inner child and the ways this teaches us to self-soothe. Self-soothing is one of the most powerful healing keys that we learn to use day in and day out to restore and maintain health and well-being.

When you're ready I think you'll find the words of Claire Weekes incredibly beneficial. She wrote about anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia. There are free resources here on the site so just ask if and when you want help finding them.

Warm hugs of welcome,

Plum x

 

Thank you both for your replies and welcomes.

Plum - I have actually read "Self Help for your Nerves" and found it useful, but intend to read her other later books at some point.

Am having a bit of a wobble today as my health anxiety is flaring up. I walked to the local shop, and en route encountered bad pains in my right leg along with tingling and numbness and pain in the sole of my foot, which has all subsided now, but which made me feel very vulnerable and low. I am still working through Sarno's Mind Body Prescription, but in all honesty, I keep tuning out as so much of it is medical terminology in relation to back pain that is not relevant to me, but I am trying to stay with it. I am also struggling with the fact that I have a diagnosis of a structural issue i.e. endometriosis, and therefore, it is oftentimes difficult to differentiate between the associated symptoms of that and TMS, and I get quite hung up on this.

 

Don't worry, this doubt about whether TMS is a good fit for you personally is natural. I struggled with this for long time largely because there were only Sarno's books to go on and as you say, it's hard to relate to the endless discussion of back problems. Over time I learned more about myself, and mercifully the whole field of neuro-psychology blossomed. This made it much easier to relate to. There is a program oriented around this approach on the forum. (Alan Gordon)

I also found it helped a lot to broaden all the concepts so I would think more generally in terms of stress and tension and ease off on the specifics (my condition isn't mentioned, I have structural concerns etc).

Treat your doubts lightly for the time being. It does take time to really learn about TMS. Intellectually we get it quick-smart but translating this into wisdom is the work and the healing.

 

Emile, we are all in this together, and together, we will heal. You will find your way forward, one step at a time. Like Plum said so eloquently, "translating this into wisdom is the work and the healing". But translate it you can (channeling my inner Yoda there ). Keep at it!