Daniel L. breaking the pain cycle

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Question

My tms seems to be flaring up on a weekly basis. It's always left hip/butt pain right now. I stay home with my toddler and am 7 months pregnant as well. My husband is a DO and in his first year of residency so he's working a lot. It seems like pain gets worse when he finally has time off. I wonder if it's a conditioned response; I feel isolated/overworkerd during the week and when he's home for a few days I just want to be taken care of and the pain makes for a good excuse? It's frustrating because I think I know why it's happening but can't seem to stop it. Any ideas on how to break the cycle?

 

Answer

Taking care of a toddler AND pregnant at the same time? You deserve all of the vacations. Seriously – what you’re doing is a ton of work, and not having a support network that you can rely on regularly is very difficult.

Stop for a minute and give yourself the credit you deserve. Really, do it.

Now ask yourself if you the situation you’re in is causing you to be angry. I don’t think you’ll have to dig very deep to find out that yes, you’re upset with your life right now. Take some time to journal about that. You’re upset, and you have every right to be. Having kids is a wonderful experience, but one that can be extremely difficult. You’re allowed to express how difficult and angering the process can be.

Lastly, I think you’re right – it’s a conditioned response that your pain flares up when your husband is around. You’re angry with him because you feel as though you’re not being taken care of. And the reality is, you’re right! You aren’t being taken care of. Not by him, and most importantly, not by you!

I think the real solution to this is finding ways to take care of yourself during the week, so that you don’t feel isolated and become resentful. Taking care of yourself means different things to different people – maybe it’s getting a babysitter so you can take time to exercise (as much as you can while 7 months pregnant), maybe it’s just reading a book away from your kid, or maybe it’s grabbing lunch with a friend. Whatever taking care of yourself means, it’s important to prioritize what you need right now, even though there are others’ needs to be met as well.

Do that (regularly), and I think you’ll find that your symptoms will subside.

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