CALL-IN TUESDAY DEC. 3, Ozanich Book, Chapters 18 & 19, Personality Types and Separation

Call-in Tuesday Dec. 3, Steve Ozanich Book Chapters 18: “Major Personality Types” and 19: “Separation and Rage.”

This Tuesday, Dec. 3, the call-in discussion group will be discussing Chapters 18 (“Personality Types”) and 19 (“Separation and Rage”) in Steve Ozanich's book The Great Pain Deception starting at 9 pm Eastern Time. It lasts an hour, sometimes a little longer. Phone lines will open half an hour early so you can talk to hosts and early callers. Here's how to join the discussion (for detailed instructions, visit www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Connect ):

• If you're connecting by phone, dial 1 (201) 479-4595 and when prompted enter the pin code 18311499 followed by the pound symbol ( # )
• If you're connecting via your computer (Fuze Meeting), go to www.fuzemeeting.com/fuze/app/48fb7aa8/18311499 and follow the instructions from there.

For more information, visit www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Call-In_Peer_Discussion_Group.

I was visiting some good friends in their kitchen and while we talked I saw their monthly calendar on the wall and wondered why it looked all-black. I walked a little closer and saw that it had so much written for each day of the month that it looked solid black from a distance.

Their son and daughter were very active teenagers, and the mother taught fourth grade, while the father had an important corporate job. They all had so many appointments scheduled for each day, to be here and there and do this and that, I wondered when they would have time for the basic toilette necessities of life. They also didn’t get along very well and had thought of divorce but decided instead on separation, but after a year of the extra expenses of keeping an apartment for her and the house for him and the kids, they returned to their marriage. The beat went on and their kitchen calendar remained black from a few feet away.

They both were Type T people. Steve says those are hard-driven perfectionists with very high standards who tend to avoid conflict and are reticent in expressing their emotions.
I saw them as an average American family so wrapped up in their lives that they had no time to smell the roses. Too bad they didn’t learn to slow down and smell them because a few years later she died of cancer and the kids were grown up and moved away. The father moved into one room in a retirement home. They had seemed to be a happy family, but life had slipped by them, as it does to so many of us, before we have a chance to realize we’re alive. We may be in pain, but we’re alive. My mother, with arthritis at the age of 94, told me, “I hurt, but life is sweet.”

Life is very sweet. But we can let our personality get in the way of realizing that.

Steve also describes two other personality types. Type A people are “belligerent, impatient, tempestuous, competitive, and hostile.” One of my two bosses is all that and more because he also is a perfectionist’s perfectionist, yet he is not that perfect at all.

Type B people are “reasoned, easygoing, less ambitious, accommodating, cooperative, carefree, and unflappable under stress.” My two best friends of many years are all that and more, just the kind of people you want to be around and be just like. One is even more easygoing. He is a happy person and spreads his sunshine wherever he goes. It is wonderfully “catching.” The other is less outwardly happy-appearing but still projects a strength under stress that is reassuring to others.

Type T people, says Steve, are “narcissistic, internalizing, controlled, and have an easy outward appearance but hide their true feelings from themselves and others, smiling through their pain.” Those personality traits can create problems for themselves.

Another is the INFP personality, which stands for Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving. They are idealists; hard-driven perfectionists with extremely high standards, do not relax well, tend to avoid conflict, are often unaware of their own needs, reluctant to express their emotions, care very much for others, are excellent problem solvers, make loyal friends to others, and their main goal in life is to make the world a better place.

Wow, that all sounds like me, although Steve doesn’t say we INFP people are also handsome and witty. Haha.

Steve says a TMS sufferer can fall into any personality type, but the more common symptom sufferers are the INFPs, the idealists with very high standards. My standards for moral integrity are even higher than the Pope’s.

Steve says that a common complaint of severe symptom sufferers is that they put their own lives and dreams on hold for those around them in a silent and controlled manner. If they are caretakers, they may have TMS because those who they care for never knowledge the sacrifices made for them.

He closes Chapter 18 by cautioning us not to try to be overly thirsty for information. That’s not easy to do in this age of instant information from watching television and going on the Internet.

Today I needed to know why my dishwasher collects water on the floor of the unit after doing a load of dishes. I actually found several answers by a simple Google search and
learned that the unit’s drain plug probably needs cleaning, then was told how to do that.

We can be helped by gathering information but can over-do it. Henry David Thoreau said, “Our life is frittered away by detail” and urged “Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity.”

I cut down on how much information I want or is needed for me by not watching the news on television. I really don’t need to know about the problems of every state in the union or country in the world. It’s virtually impossible to not know the day’s big events, but we don’t need to fill our minds with everything happening everywhere. Our minds should have enough free space to reflect on being happy, healthy, loving others and God and doing His will.

Steve says “Learning how to stop looking for all the answers is one of many keys to TMS healing. The quest for more knowledge beyond what is needed is, in itself, TMSing and slows deeper understanding.”

In Chapter 19, Steve writes about “Separation and Rage at 26 Months.” He quotes psychiatrist Clancy McKenzie saying that “early separations and early trauma, when an infant is most helpless, sets the stage for enormous rage later in life.” McKenzie says that 99 percent of trauma comes from physical or emotional separation from the mother, as experienced by the infant. “Separation (rejection) at any age can have a profound impact, but the earlier in the brain development the more intense the rage because of helplessness.” The peak age of origin of this most self-condemnation and depression is 26 months.

Steve also says that those who feel they were never abandoned must look even closer. They were born, and so they were abandoned. Abandonment can be looked at in many ways by a child, but it always results in separation anxiety and guilt.

Also, a perceived abandonment in later life can trigger the brain back to the earlier stages of brain development where the first perceived abandonment occurred. Steve says there is some form of residual panic in TMS sufferer from infancy – childhood separation anxiety, perhaps because a mother gives a child less attention when another member orf the family is born.

My own separation anxiety came when I was about eight years old and my parents divorced. My older brother and sister and I remained with our mother but we sorely missed our father. They remarried a year later but the separation damage had already done a number on me. Two years ago my closest friends divorced, and I had felt like I was part of their family. I have no doubt my TMS back pain came as a result of that having triggered the separation anxiety I felt when my parents divorced.

Last night was Thanksgiving and I had relatives and friends over for a roast turkey dinner. A friend brought his two-year-old small black Lab mix. Theo and my Annie had a wonderful time together. After dinner, Theo jumped into my lap and kissed me all over my face and kept it up for a long time. My 12-year-old black Lab Annie had not done that to me in years, but after Theo finally jumped down, Annie climbed into my lap to be held close and petted and told once again (as I do all the time) that I love her. A case of canine separation anxiety? I’m sure of it.

We hope you’ll join the call-in on Tuesday and share your thoughts and experiences about your personality type and separation amxiety, anger, or rage.

Meanwhile, this parting thought.: We can never truly feel separation symptoms if we trust in the promise of our heavenly father who said “I am with you always, even to the end of time.”

 

Walt, I enjoy reading from you, on what I've said. I'm starting to peak in here out of curiosity. You do a nice job of summarizing the main themes of TMS-healing. I hope to stop by here this Tuesday. I lost my voice, I actually know where it is, but the holidaze has borrowed it. If the voice decides to return home I'll stop by.

Our personality is the main indicator of our health, not our genetics. Environment rules over nature. I know it's a controversial topic, I spent many years studying it. Nature exacts the template, and so it has first value, but we color in the picture with our life-crayons. It's the Jungian archetypes vs. the dry river beds of our experience and always current perception. Belief governs ownership.

You'll appreciate this Walt. Tonight, I went to my friend's dad's calling hours. His dad died two days ago at 95. Born in 1918. He was a Marine who fought in Iwo Jima; there are only a couple of them left now. Two Marines stood as Honor Guards at each end of the casket in the funeral home...still...silent, in honor. The awesome presence of those guards showed how important it is to remember those who sacrificed for us. This applies to all relationships. We want to be acknowledged for our sacrifice. When we give more in relationship than we extract from it, we want out. This holds true as long as ego is involved because ego is self serving. But when we give without want, we free ourselves from want.

We will bury tomorrow a great man who died for love of family, and country. He did what was asked of him, and only for that. His son was the one who filmed my YouTube video for TMS, and so I acknowledge them both with great respect. Father and Son.

Steve

 

This is great Walt,
I love your summaries, touches the heart. I often wondered why I got this lonely feeling when I'd have to go on long trips for work and I couldn't be near my mom for months at a time. Now I know its called separation anxiety, my mom and I always had a close relationship, nothing could take her love from my heart. She smoked those long More cigarettes that were almost like cigars when I was just a kid. I remember I started smoking when I was about 16 to look cool and those more cigarettes were my choice for a time and I loved them.

One problem though, I coughed to much and after a short 3 years my cigarette habit had to go but I remember every time I'd see my mom i'd want one of her cigarettes and it was the smoothest and most relaxing thing of the day. I never really knew why Moms cigarettes were the best but now I know it was a form of connection between my mom and I.

She succumed to cancer about 10 years ago and shes went home to be with the lord now. But if she were still around and even though I don't like cigarette smoke- I'd say I'd still smoke a cigarette with her. It was soothing and comfortable.

Nothing about the cigarettes were really that special as I know now. It was the connection of being close to my mom ya know and the feeling of wholeness, the cigs were an anchor of wholeness when I was near or around my Mom.

I was reading about daily to do list and how to take more control over your time each day and the article mentioned doing two to three task a day and no more. It sounds great but ive never just did two or three task in my life. In the past I'd jump from one task to another before I was done with the first task and eventually get back to the original task around the end of the week and sometimes I'd forget about the original task less I'd written it down in my to do book that was black from a distance ya know. So id often write in my to do book and when id look back at it a week later I'd have some real anxiety cause most of my task were still left undone.

It seems to be the thing that can also create a lot of pressure with daily to do list that make us feel robotic, over run, tired and even though we often try to pack the day in and accomplish as much as possible its still often not enough to satisfy our pressure that we put on ourselves.

I know now that this crowding to get more done was actually causing me to do less and after realizing I cant do everything in a day I adopted a better list of activities with more soothing and calmness times in between. One thing at a time now and doing my best not to over do the day has helped me get a better grip on my life chores and also I feel more complete this way, just going with the flow and letting my natural energy take control, my chi, that part of me holds more energy than I could ever try to cram for and I'm still adapting it to my life.

Its easy to get out of the flow and back into cramming as I look at the mail or news or think about all the task I want to accomplish. Its day to day that I have to go by and eventually I hope to only being in the flow, only enjoying the moment- only in the now.

Steve the story you wrote above is heart warming, the feeling of doing things right and living life to the full is so awesome. I want to be like that, living a good life with a whole heart nothing missing. No rocks left unturned when I go home to meet my lord and loved ones.

Thanks Walt
Thanks Steve
You guys help me think of some good memories-
Often learning a life lesson in the process.
Bless you guys

 

Thanks, guys.
Steve, I'm glad you approve of my summaries of your chapters.
Herbie asked me to do those. He says it helps to post shorter pieces
to tempt people to come to the call-ins, and it seems to be doing that.
I think they also help to get people to read your book because there's so much more in it.

I agree about personality being so important for good health. Some people have really
cheerful personalities, others have gloomy ones, and others don't seem to have any at all.

I think it comes down to how much of ourselves we're willing to go public with.
Too many people play their emotional cards so close to their chest, they never let anyone
know who they are.

You had quite a moving experience attending the funeral of your friend's Marine father.
Yes, we sure do owe our servicemen and women a lot. My first great friend in high school
was killed in Korea and I still think of Freddie Hatzold, after 60 years I still remember his
name. We worked together in the shipping department in the basement of a Wieboldt's
department store and I remember he was always leaping up and tossing an imaginary
basketball into an imaginary net. His life was cut so short.

It was very moving to read that two Marines stood as honor guards at your friend's father's
funeral.

I hope you can join the call-in Tuesday. Those two chapters, 18 and 19, are so important.
I don't usually join the call-in because I don't like to think heavy an hour or two before
bedtime. That's my time to relax, meditate, unwind, maybe just watch a good old movie.
Or a nature or animal documentary. One is coming up on PBS about how we love
dogs and cats. I'll be sure to watch that one. With Annie.

I had family and friends here for turkey dinner on Thanksgiving and a friend brought
his two-year old small Black Lab mix, Theo. He and Annie got along great. Theo climed
into my lap after dinner and kissed me all over my face, again and again and again.
Annie must have become jealous because when Theo finally left my lap, Annie took'
his place. She didn't kiss and never did, but loves being held close. I just loved the
love both dogs gave me. Good as the turkey dinner was, and the company, and the
margaritas, the doggies made my day.

I'm enjoying a nice quiet weekend with Annie. Hope you have a good one.

 

I remember watching 60 Minutes about 20 years ago. They were trying to understand heart attacks, and to determine if there was a gene to predict them (I don't like this idea). So they gathered a family together that had had heart problems in the past, and asked for volunteers to be DNA-tested for "the gene." Some refused like I would have done. But most of them volunteered for the test. When the results came back in, all of them were carrying the-heart-attack-gene, except one family member. When they announced it was only one family member, the whole family turned to look at her. They all immediately knew who it was. It was the happiest family member, the one who always smiled, and was full of love and hope, who forgave quickly, and helped others. She was the one who didn't care at all if she even had the gene itself. You could see peace in her face while they spoke to her. It has a glow of contentment.

So I'm convinced from that, and from my own experience, that our personalities are a far greater factor than our DNA, because, as Lipton has shown, we can alter the expression of our DNA by the signals it receives. The important point is, that he showed the cells themselves react to "our perception of our environment." I opened my book up with that quote for a reason.

So if we don't feel threatened, or afraid, then the cells are happy. If our systems are constantly tasked by worry and devastating guided images, then those are the signals of discontent being sent to the cells. Once again, the medical industry itself thrives on sending poor images, such, as glass spines.

Faith allows the body to be free from worry,

Steve

 

Hi, Steve. Very interesting that the heart attack gene showed up in the happiest family member.
I wonder how accurate that really. I had a friend who had a complete physical and was diagnosed
as completely healthy, but she had a fatal heart attack the next day. She looked outwardly happy
but had not been a faithful wife and later gave him a boat so he would let her divorce him.

So I'm kinda doubtful about medical studies and surveys. The only one who really knows when
our time is up is the man upstairs, and we need to be faithful to him.
Everything else is academic.

 

Hi folks,

Should be a great discussion tonight! I just wanted to let those of you know who are planning to connect by phone that there's a new phone number for the discussion group. From now on (and until further notice -- Fuze seems to enjoy changing its phone numbers when it upgrades its software!) please use the following details:

Dial 1 (201) 479-4595 and when prompted enter the meeting number 18311499 followed by the pound symbol ( # )​

If anyone has any difficulties connecting, join the chatroom at www.tmswiki.org/chat . There should be someone there who can help.

Have a good talk, all! I'll post the audio on Thursday as usual

Becca

 

Thank you all for your work on this. What a wonderful community here.

I hope to be in on the call tonight and look forward to the great conversation.

 

...and here's the "official" recording As always you can listen to the recording using the audio player below. You can also download the recorded discussion as an mp3 by right-clicking on this link (or the link below the player) and choosing to save it to your computer. Enjoy

Click here to download the mp3 audio​