Crazy Symptoms

I had a cruel childhood, emotionally neglected; mother has NPD symptoms and father had psychopathic tendencies (very selfish, no empathy). I made a life for myself by getting degrees and a solid job in IT. I lived on my own, independently, for over a decade. I loved my own company, did a lot of emotional work and found myself. I was relatively happy with the exception of an autoimmune condition that plagued my life. Fast forward to August 2024. I took some vitamins/herbs for the autoimmune condition and within a few days I got severe anxiety, insomnia, breathlessness and palpitations. A week later I fell to the floor and had a severe seizure. Mainstream doctors found nothing to suggest a physical issue except for a stomach infection (H Pylori). I read up a lot about H Pylori on Reddit and had a lot of fear around it at the time. I couldn't look after myself and moved to the house of my abusive parents. I had no choice and my sister suggested I do so as she couldn't look after me. I was treated for that and on the last day I started to experience severe pain (burning/pressure) in my pelvis/hips. Sitting became very painful. My life changed at that point. A couple of months later my sister made a comment in a very cold way and I paraphrase "... I always knew you'd be sick and die young from all the abuse you experienced, your hard efforts to study all those long hours were wasted". The following week (Christmas 2024) I experienced crazy symptoms from my breath pausing for 20 seconds followed by deep gasps, severe hyperventilation, tightening of my torso and feeling unable to breathe. Once again, doctors found no physical abnormality (ultrasounds, MRI's, blood tests etc). A few months later I still experience the burning pain and my breathing is very strained (like there's tension and doesn't flow easy). Two weeks ago I found the Curable app and I started reading books by Alan Gordon and John Sarno. Nothing explained the crazy symptoms except for psychosomatic / TMS. I have had the most insane symptoms. I was prescribed numerous drugs, including benzos, during this time and suffered severe withdrawals. It has been a hell of a journey. I couldn't believe my brain would act out in such a severe and extreme way. I now believe 100% that it could. However, it has taken me months to come to where I am now and I 100% accept that this is TMS. This has reduced the fear of the symptoms as I know there isn't anything seriously physically wrong with me (my autoimmune condition is now in remission). My life has completely changed, I cannot work or travel (long journeys) as the symptoms are so debilitating. The insomnia is so severe that I need to take prescriptive drugs to get a few hours of sleep. Has anyone experienced something similar and can relate to this? I'm shortly beginning pain reprocessing therapy. It's crazy that my brain is now my worst enemy, the symptoms it has put me though is unthinkable. If I could divorce my subconscious (the child) I would! It is out of hand and need reining in. Any suggestions on how best to tackle this form a TMS perspective. I now talk to my brain all the time telling it that I know its game and I disapprove of its behaviour which I will not tolerate anymore. I mean it!

 

Hi Mike, I'm also new to this tms stuff. Also experiencing weird symptom's (mainly nerve sensations). There's definitely better people to advise you than me. But I just wanted to reply and let you know that I to am going through something similar. It's hard and lonely but it's nice to know others are going through it with you.

The tightness and hyperventilating sound like extreme anxiety. I'm glad you're starting pain reprocessing therapy. It seems like everything has just built up and hit you at once. We have to peel back all the layers of anger, emotion, stress, resentment etc. Have you heard of nicole sachs? She has a podcast you should listen to, go back and start from the episode 1. She suggests journal speak (here's the link). speak https://www.yourbreakawake.com/journalspeak (JournalSpeak | BreakAwake by Nicole Sachs) I've seen people mention claire weekes work also. Stay strong brother

 

Hi Mike!
Welcome to the forum! You are among many people who understand what you are saying and what you are feeling. Many of us have experienced severe child abuse —I did. Many of us had extreme symptoms overcome us all at once— some of us had them come on over time. Many people have structural problems, but it seems like even more have symptoms related to nerves. I know people have had seizures. It is so so hard to believe your own brain can do this. Truly!

It’s fantastic that you have come to the acceptance of TMS because that is the absolute most important first step. I know what you mean about hating your TMS brain (I call mine a lizard because it’s primitive). But the truth is, our brains are really trying to save us. They just don’t understand.

I’ll tell you a little bit about me because it might make you feel better to know that you’re not alone. I’ve had TMS symptoms most of my life, and many times they went away as time went on. But in the last four years, I became completely overwhelmed with mainly neurological symptoms. The biggest thing that has helped me has been a book by Claire Weekes, called Hope and Help for Your Nerves. The second most helpful book has been the MindBody Prescription by John Sarno. Both of these books are short and extremely fundamental for “healing.” They have changed my life. (I say healing loosely because technically nothing is wrong with us!)

There is a phenomenal amount to learn on your TMS journey. In the end I think you’ll like yourself and everything that you’ve changed and done to heal. The best way to soak in all that is available for healing is to take the free course we have on this forum called the Structured Educational Program. It will walk you through step-by-step techniques for healing and it will teach you all the background that you need. The hardest part will be that you may try to squirm out of it because it will make you face a lot of things, but that’s what it takes to heal from TMS.

I’m so sorry you have such overwhelming symptoms. My heart goes out to you! My life has been completely turned over in the last four years. I haven’t been able to walk without a walker. I had to retire early. My entire body was buzzing and burning with electricity. I had 16 symptoms— but now I’m down to eight in the last year having come to this forum. (i’m on here every day. It’s my lifeline!)

Don’t be afraid —you can get better! There are so many amazing people here with incredible stories. They have taken their time to teach me through the posts on this forum, and I owe my life to them. This is a great place and it will help you a lot!

 

Hi Mike. You are finally in the right place.

Your family sounds a LOT like mine and I got better so you can too.

H. Pylori is NOT a symptom causing Demon. HALF of the population of the world has it in their gut and Half of the population isn't having symptons. In the Third world 90% of the population has it.
My Overachiever son worked at Vanderbilt on the biggest H. Pylori project up to that time (2010 maybe?)

I took the 'Parent day' tour of the lab and got to look in a PET microscope at the little bacteria Nuclei...I am a science fan AND a recovered TMSer....so of course I asked a lot of questions. That is where I got the stats I just gave you.
I asked the project director:
"If Half of us have this, why don't half of us have the symptoms associated with having it?"
At that time they were blaming Ulcers on it.
The Director hemmed and hawed but never adequately answered my question...a lot like the pain doctors when I had TMS
He did mention that he himself had taken a long course of anti-bodies to make sure he did not have any H. Pylori.
I asked him why.
"Were you having some sort of symptoms?"
"Nope."
Once again, very reminiscent of TMS.

That is right out of my family's script. I actually felt some brotherhood with you as soon as I read that. "Hey..I'm not the only person with an Insane MEAN family!"

Yes...Most of us, I think. You WILL be able to travel again and do whatever you want, but you might want to start making lists of your family and writing a half hour or so a day about your conscious RAGE about having to be in that family, having to be dependent on them again.
Once I found Sarno, I was better in about a Month. Oh, I have a few days of pain here and there over 25years+, but NOTHING like what brought me here....I was desperate for a solution. To recover, I Focused on the Anger-makers, and even evaluating people I didn't think I was angry at (My sons, my Wife, My Job). I pushed myself to defy the symptoms as often as I could.
People like us who were treated like POS by their family of origin harbor way more anger than most, but the GOOD news is.....IT isn't that deeply repressed so we often times heal faster than people from 'nice families'

If your like me , you are probably wired to apologize for THEIR actions in your head...so that crappy thing your sister said is like the tippy top of an iceberg.... diving into that will shake up your whole perception of yourself and I guarantee if you do it with courage, your symptoms are gonna go away.

peace

 

This man has the best counsel I’ve ever heard. Sometimes it’s hard to do what he says! Lol I know I’ve resisted a lot. But when I journal about my family— look at the people closest to me for my sources of rage— and challenge the symptoms— that’s when I’ve made progress. (also reading a John Sarno book pretty much constantly.)