does anyone else feel crazy

i have some good hours in a month but the rest of the time im unhappy and trying to convince myself all the time i can do this, its like im addicted to trying to convince myself so much im in my head all day saying come on beck you had a pain free hour thats proof, or remember when you walked to the shop and had little pain, oh and this and that but this but that, maybe you need to elax more, maybe i should journal that thing, am i really feeling my emotions properly i dont know !! so my head goes on and on, and yes i try to let them pass and not listen but then im trying to tell them they are wrong all the time too. i feel mental
life shouldnt be this hard, when i get up in the morning this battle with my mind starts and i have to be stirct all day or i will create more pain, i mean who gets pain around people!!! its just silly, i have to rewire around people and i start feeling like im doing it then boom im back to no control, i go to shops and get control of places and do great then bam im back again. i have no idea whats going on and i try to soothe and say it doesnt matter just im safe but saying im safe im okay doesnt seem to work anymore.
i have a ts therapist intern but over the holidays now i cant see her so im really stuck
i just want to be happier for my son, this beautiful little boy has a mum crying all the time and struggles to play with him because shes scared of pain still.

if i have a better day i start to think yes i can do this but then the next day or a day lter it flres back and it takes days to overcome and i cant concentrate as everything triggers me.

why cant this be easy like people say it is!!

 

Aw, reading your post made me want to give you a hug. I'm not one to give advice because I don't have this TMS thing figured out, but you sound awfully hard on yourself. How would you counsel a friend who had these feelings? Would you be as hard on them? Would you give them more love and encouragement than you do to yourself? Maybe trying to take a little of the pressure off, and just sitting with the feelings, but not trying to control them one way or the other, would be helpful. But regardless, I hope you have a better day today and I'm sending you a virtual hug!

 

thank you so much a hug would be so nice right now haha

i am hard on myself but i find it hard to be so nice to myself all day, i do say nice things like you can do this you are loved ect but i also frighten the crap out of myself with oh no there's people on here still not better after so long and what if im one of them and then i analyze that then for ages, i just get so stuck in my head that i cant feel the truth anymore. i envy those who journaled and got better or just shouted at their brains and worked through it, ive tried it all, and one day tellig my brain off works and the next not, one day soothing my baby girl inner child works and the next not, its like why won't my brain allow it to stick, is it really fighting back that much

i want to feel normailty again, and i dont mean being pain free, but not scared of all of lifes triggers and to just flow without thinking, i used to be so busy and now my fatigue and pain limit me so much. i tried the whole pushing through and walked miles a day and exercised and no change! i realized fear was the issue not doing things, i just need to get that fear down more or atleast longer than two days lol

is my brain fighting back when i have a few better days then flare up?

its hard changing a lifetime of thought patters hey!!