Does Anyone Else Here Have OCD?

I know my OCD is a TMS symptom, and I've had it since I was about 13. It is such a mentally painful condition. My current obsessions urge me to check and re-check Dr Google (who is not my friend) and my health records to reassure myself that I don't have x, y and z ailment related to my physical sensations, and to analyze and study my timeline of when I got my GI issues, what the tests showed, and how they were treated. Obviously I'm still in fear of my symptoms and of more returning. It's a vicious cycle of fear and seeking reassurance. I know the correct thing to do is to ignore the OCD urges and not give in to retrain my brain, but it is so very hard. One compulsion always leads to many more and much wasted time, plus increased anxiety. Not sure if anyone here can relate? How do you handle it?

 

Yup. This describes me exactly. And it is hard as hell to break the need for reassurance. Because as ron siegel says, doubt is at the root of ocd. Meaning that most people can tolerate some uncertainty but it is torment to an ocd person.

 

Yes PSPA - my thoughts exactly. Who is Ron Siegel? This is sheer torture (not to check). I'm doing CBT therapy but wondering if I should explore even more methods to get a grip on this. There is a 12 step group -- Obsessive Compulsive Anonymous -- also group therapies. What are you doing for it?

 

Have you looked at EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy?

It's used often for people with PTSD, anxiety, chronic pain, probably lots of other things. It's non-intrusive and it helps to rewire the brain. You can check the website, www.emdr.com, for a better explanation than I can give you.

The reason I think it might work for OCD issues is that the more you/we/anyone has the same thoughts over and over, the more entrenched they are. If you can break the cycle, you might see improvement.

I'm not a therapist but I have had EMDR therapy when I was melting down with anxiety and it really helped calm things down.

 

Thanks Cricket. From what I've read CBT/ERP is most used to help OCD so I think I'll start there but it's good to know about other options.

 

Okay, that's good to know.

 

I have/had OCD. CBT really helped me out (I also went on Celexa for about a year, which I think helped), and it's pretty much gone away in my case (although I certainly have anxiety popping up in other forms).

Lots of great resources out there since I was diagnosed over a decade ago. I've heard some folks have good luck with ACT as well, but have never tried it. Best of luck to you!

 

What's the differerence between perfectionism (an element of the classic TMS personality) and OCD?

Is it a matter of degree? Or merely semantics?

 

While they may seem similar in some cases, I'd say perfectionism and OCD have some key differences.

OCD is essentially an anxiety-focused obsession, where compulsions are performed to temporarily ease that anxiety. If the anxiety focuses around perfection (e.g. everything being perfectly organized or sanitized; having perfect handwriting; moral perfectionism), then OCD can seem quite close to perfectionism. However, for the OCD sufferer, the compulsion can go to extreme lengths. Most perfectionists wouldn't wash their hands until they bled, for instance. In such instances, I'd say perfectionists can avoid those irrational extremes.

And then in other cases, the anxiety isn't centered around perfection, but just avoiding a horrible outcome. In my case, I had religious OCD. My obsessions focused around avoiding behavior that might send me to hell. In that case, I wasn't trying to be perfect. I was just terrified of doing really bad things that would result in damnation.

Other people feel the need to tap a door an even number of times before entering, and if they don't, they think some one will die as a result. It's irrational and an fear-based obsession, but again, nothing a perfectionist would do.

Most folks with OCD also realize their obsession is irrational, but are still trapped in the anxiety cycle, while most perfectionists I know really think they're being rational. In that sense, I'd say it's less a matter of degree and more a qualitative difference.

That being said, there's a lot of overlap with elements of TMS and OCD, and I definitely think their linked in my case and for many others.

There's a variant of OCD called "Pure O" that I suffer from, and it results in obsessive thinking about a particular anxiety. I found myself engaging in the similar behavior when google my health symptoms. I could not quit and I spent most of the day doing it.

 

Good explanation c90danwaiel. I can relate to spending most of the day googling health systems. It's a vain attempt to get reassurance and calm my anxiety, but of course only results in more ocd.

 

...because even if you 'learn' that your symptoms are benign, you keep looking just in case. My unknown-at-the-time TMS kept me looking until I found the worst possible scenario as if it wanted to be reassured of the worst.

 

Yes Cricket that's exactly what I did!

 

Hi Shosh,

I was diagnosed with OCD at one point as I was doing a lot of checking, although it was quite mild. I totally relate to what you are saying about needing reassurance and checking Dr Google as I have a strong need for reassurance still, I couldn't help but giggle reading your post as it sounds so much like me! The other thing I get is loads of guilt that is out of proportion, I hate the guilt. I have "scrupulosity" to a degree i.e. thoughts about the supernatural that I have to try to control. I think mine is more like the pure O where it is mostly thoughts and not really compulsions. Interestingly, my anxiety is now somewhat better but my physical symptoms much worse, so I do wonder if they are interchangeable tms symptoms.

I had a childhood experience of having something too big to handle on my own without parental emotional support, and I wondered if OCD is maybe a result of having too much responsibility in a traumatic situation earlier in life? I wondered if anyone else had this too?

 

The reason I stopped searching in google was that I realized it was completely useless.

Something that I try to do when I want to read/search/find something online is to temporarily postpone it. I try to allocate some for web browsing but not to constantly interrupt whatever I am doing to satisfy my curiosity.

 

Thanks Jaumeb and Stradivvarius. Strad -- my physical symptoms are now better but my anxiety is much worse. I do think for me the TMS focuses on one or the other. I'll take the anxiety over the physical pain! I'm tempted to go on an SSRI to ease the anxiety but am concerned the possible side effects (that I read about online of course) will bring back the GI symptoms that put me in a nightmare TMS/OCD crises. So I'll just have to apply the TMS techniques to the anxiety. I literally wake up afraid of my thoughts, but have to keep reminding myself feelings aren't facts and will pass if I just let them. I am healthy, I am safe, I am healthy I am safe, I am healthy I am safe (my mantra).
Jaumeb - postponing the urge to research sounds like the CBT I'm using too. This too shall pass!