Dream Programming

We talked about this before - dream programming. I haven't been diligent in following the steps outlined in Dr. McKenzie's protocol but things have definitely been more colorful in dreamland. Usually, what I do is tell myself before I go to sleep, I will have a restful night's sleep and anything I need insight on will become clear.

Last night blew my mind.

I started Dr. Schubiner's 28 day program and read all the material up to Day one. His material gets down to the nitty gritty of what's going on in the brain with pain signals. Ie, pain center is fired up the part of the brain that quells pain, is too quiet.

As an inquiring mind and former nurse, I eat up the knowledge, especially knowing this is the penicillin for TMS.

He outlines a therapy for addressing events that are likely contributors to symptoms. This includes experiencing the anger and then moving through other stages to resolution…love and forgiveness. He says until the anger is discharged, your TMS will continue (BTW, he refers to it as Mind Body Syndrome, MDS.)

So anyhoo. This brings me to the dream.

I went to my doctor, full of pain. But I couldn't tell him what was hurting because I couldn't move my jaw. My mouth was simply frozen shut - like I had tetanus. The pain I was experiencing was horrible…but I couldn't speak to tell the doctor what was hurting. The nurse showed up in the room and she was a woman who was in leadership in a church I was heavily involved with several years ago. The church was VERY controlling and forbade any "gossip" of any time. Note - their idea of "gossip" was any opinion or even the slightest perception that you weren't supporting leadership. It was very cultish and being a good co-dependent goodist, bought in hook, line and sinker.

I am realizing more and more how when we don't allow ourselves a voice, we WILL have physical problems. Especially pain.

So all this to say. I sense that was a breakthrough for me. And even though I am not looking forward to revisiting some very deep wounds, it is high time I had a good hissy fit over some of it and move on to healing. I've been the sort of person that when I've been hurt, I'll apologize to the person who inflicted the injury. SHIT! See what I mean? That's probably a good reason right there to vent some anger!

But I'm not going to stay there. Life's too short.

Tonight I'm going to see if I can revisit that dream but give it a different ending. One where I speak out at some of the wrongdoing I've been on the receiving end of.

Here's to healing!

 

North Star,

You speak out so well on this forum and help so many in the process. I know there is healing there. But I wish you well with speaking out in your dreams too. I used to have a reoccurring dream where I was in some kind some danger, and if I could scream I'd be saved, but no sound would come out. Probably a common dream for us TMSers.

 

Ellen - I have the same recurring dream as you. I dream that I'm being chased or stalked. I'm running. And when I can't run further or am trapped and about to be caught, I scream for help and I have no voice. A desperate attempt to get my voice out and nothing comes out but a gasping breath - my voice is trapped inside me. Sometimes I see my husband or someone in the distance that I'm trying to scream to for help but they don't hear me. I have that dream maybe every 6 months or so.

I can't watch horror movies or anything disturbing because a) I don't like stuff like that, and b) I never get the image out of my head. But one time I was with some friends and saw the beginning of the first Scream movie. The first scene where Drew Barrymore was killed. It was so disturbing to me that I told my friends that they could watch it if they wanted to, but I left the room and couldn't watch anymore. So guess who the person usually chasing me in my recurring dream is? Yep - the scary masked character from Scream. Ugh!! I can't even watch commercials on TV for horror films. Way too disturbing to my sensitive mind.

I've actually woken myself up from these nightmares because I'm actually trying to scream in my sleep with no voice coming out - the gasping sound of my breath trying to come out and scream "HELP!" actually wakes me up!

 

Tigerlily, O think of dreams like that (and not finishing a classroom test in time) "frustration dreams."
I figure I have and we all frustrations... unresolved issues of one sort or another...
and we are frustrated, so we have a frustration dream.

When I was a little boy I used to cry in my sleep and when I woke up I wondered what I was crying about.
I was just glad I thought there was nothing to cry about.

There probably was, in my unconscious mind, from repressed emotions.

Our dreams can be annoying but I think they're harmless and may even do us good.

 

Hi Walt - what has been amazing to me are the strange dreams that I had once I started journaling and beginning my TMS journey. They seemed so strange, and then when I woke up and started analyzing them, it became crystal clear what they meant.
I think dreams are a way for our unconscious mind to speak to our conscious and sub-conscious minds!

 

Wow, the similarity of dreams is telling for us TMSers. Ellen, I find it MUCH easier to advocate for other people than myself…unless it is through writing. Face to face, I roll over and accept too much crap.

Just today, I had another exchange with my former best friend. I thought things were going better and I was drawing up my courage for a coffee date this week. And then boom! A rude email reply to something. And I replied back politely. After that, I furiously pounded out an unsent letter as I realizing I need to allow myself to experience that anger and discharge it.

More than anything, I need to realize that this relationship just needs to fade away. It's hard to let go of the years and years. But then again, I think my ego is what kept fueling the relationship. My motives have not been entirely pure. It's been sort of a mutually co-dependent relationship. This co-dependent has healing to get after though.

 

North Star - are we related?! I totally relate to what you said about being able to advocate for other people unless through writing. Face to face, for myself? Forget it - I shrink up, roll over and give in to keep peace (and because I don't want anyone to not like me!) I'm really working on that, though.

Losing a BFF is a sad experience to go through, especially if the friendship has been around since, say, childhood (my experience). You'll be amazed, though, how much you will grow once the embers die down from the relationship.

Sending you a "virtual" coffee date with all the other ladies on the board!

 

Tigerlilly, you just made my day. You really did. Yep…I'm a people pleaser. But just like my dream, I need to find my voice FOR MYSELF!

Yeah, this lady and I have been BFFs for 20 years. Friends even longer than that. It is so not fun. But I know I need to move on. It's especially hard because my daughter's getting married in a month and I'm really, REALLY hoping she and her husband can't make it. What a conflict that is - they've been there for all my kids' milestones. Gah. Lots more I could say here but I'll save it for my journaling.

I look forward to that virtual coffee date with all the amazing and wonderful women here.

 

North Star -

It sounds like you have grown and moved beyond the toxicity of this relationship. Perhaps you needed (or thought you deserved) that at one time in your life. But you've now found your inner voice to make a stand for yourself (even if you can't quite "go there" in person yet!). There is no going back to your old self once you have learned and grown!

Remember that time heals all things. My BFF and I were friends for 20+ years. The friendship had been "dead" for the last 10 years. She recently reached out to me to make contact again. We've talked on the phone a couple of times and have emailed since then - it was like picking up right where we left off. It was good to hear from her. I now proceed with what I'm comfortable with. I think it is just nice to know that we think of and care about each other, but that we both recognize that we have our own lives. And we leave it at that. (It helps that we live in separate states now!) Perhaps you and your BFF will get there one day in the future. And as far as the wedding? You'll be so busy as the mother of the bride that you won't even have time to spend visiting with her if she shows up! No worries!

 

Aw, thanks so much, Tigerlilly. I am encouraged hearing your story. I know that this friendship will never entirely go away…we just know each other too well. We started playing together as musicians in church years ago so our shared history will never go away. But yeah…this has been too close. We moved back to Montana 3 years ago and are eager, VERY EAGER for our house to sell so we can move to AZ. having miles between us will be helpful.

I was supposed to have coffee with her tomorrow but I cancelled. I'm journalling through my anger issues here and do not have resolution yet so I will just wait.

Thank you for sharing…it encouraged me.

 

North Star, that's good to just wait until some resolution comes along.
You'll both come through it.
I'm working on the same thing with some other but similar things.

Sometimes we just have to let things alone for a while and relax.
It's all going to resolve and meanwhile we need to do deep breathing and meditate.

 

Aw, thanks, Walt! Hubby and I enjoy a lovely day today taking in the Big Sky. Does a soul good especially since this was one of the few nice days we've had in a while. More rain and cold stuff moving in tomorrow.