Fear of worsening mobility

Exercising more to show the body it is structurally healthy makes perfect sense. In February, after making several "wrong" movements with my hand I lost the ability to move my hand and my fingers, I was then diagnosed with CRPS. After 6 months of slow increases I can move the fingers again but have no strength. The hand hurts during any strenous movement including usisng other body parts such as jogging. I would like to do more strenous things to teach my body it is structurally Ok, but because doing "too much" in the past has led to a worsening of mobility almost to paralysis I fear a redution in mobility. I am not worried about increased pain itself. How do I best increase exercise?

 

Hi McTopher:
Did you get a chance to check out the Defeat CPRS website and read the stories of recovery there? Both of the women who run that website also participate here, and also have had many interviews on youtube. Tamara's book Defying the Verdict outlines the types of things she did to excercise through her symptoms (which included dystonia), she also talks about how she managed to defeat the types of thoughts that led to catastrophizing, worrying, ruminating (they are all anxiety, you are experiencing anxiety). Claire Weekes books are absolutely the best for learning how to deal with the kinds of anxious thoughts that create worry. #1 is that your thoughts are not truth. They are merely thoughts. Think of all the thoughts you have that are completely bogus and meaningless that you do not pay attention to. You can accomplish the same task with fear thoughts, by choosing what thoughts are worthy of your time and what are not. This can be a challenge, it can take time, and you might see how much these thoughts effect all of your inner life.

Have you had the chance to look at any other TMS resources eg. Paruse the website at tmswiki.org LOADS of information here, not just this forum.. or read books by Dr. Sarno or Alan Gordon?
Dr. Sarno suggests getting back to regular life activities. That's a great way to gain mobility - simply by doing the everyday tasks you need to do for living.

Have you thought of doing one of the two free programs on this website? They can help you reach your goals and teach you the skills you need to get there. For example, Alan Gordon's free program (which is what his book is based on) on day 11 outlines Graded Exposure - a skill that can help you get back to exercising and doing the activities you love. I will remind you that this is done without self pressure. Thinking that you MUST or SHOULD exercise to gain mobility is seeking the physical and not the psychological. A psychological approach would be exercising for the enjoyment of the activity ... https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/day-11-pain-reprocessing.16616/ (New Program - Day 11: Pain Reprocessing)

 

Hi Cactus flower,
Thank you for your message and the links.
I have read Sarno's Tamara's, and Alan Gordon's book and Rita's blog. They have all been very helpful, especially Tamara's book and the Rita's blog.
"Thinking that you MUST or SHOULD exercise to gain mobility is seeking the physical and not the psychological" is true, I will try to rememeber that. It seems my biggest problem is worry. I am going to read more from Claire Weekes.

 

This is great! So true!

 

@Mctopher
You have read a lot!
I do suggest you try following a program. When you have so much info, it’s easy to forget things.. and out TMS brains tend to gloss over the most important bits of information. A program forces that mechanism to focus on a concrete skill set to experience it.
I do suggest you go back to Tamara’s book (I do, all the time!) and read again about her running experience with dystonia. That’s exactly how you work on the physical - she discusses her mindset and where she placed her thoughts.. she combined this with long, daily meditations which began to separate her from the anxious worry and ruminations, helping her see more clearly what thoughts were true and what were of no service.

 

I wonder if @Baseball65 is around to add his thoughts. He's always good at reminding that we are NOT going to lose abilities by doing things.

 

I initially read this post and passed on commenting. Once somebody has decided to read a whole bunch of different TMS authors and begins struggling, I feel like there is nothing they will do that is gonna take the chutzpa of the ORIGINAL Tms therapy...particularly Gordon. He's a nice guy and has some interesting idea's, but I think his 'way too much thought and fuzzy' approach is not the kind of shock to the system that Sarno's is...
If you've been in pain a long time you need results and a drastic reappraisal. Being careful and patient reeks of pain clinics and something 'being wrong'

Once again SARNO "Return to physical activity including the most strenuous" See how antithetical to Gordon Mollycoddling 'graded exposure' that is?

I see way too many people not getting better quick...and virtually all of them have a 'buffet' approach to this. ALL of them like Gordon..he's such a nice guy.

i am a dick.
I only know what works.
Not just for me, but every man I have ever worked with personally.

You will be uncomfortable. You will be scared. You also will become pain free...but reading a bunch of blog posts, or doing an 'app' isn't the same as dedicating yourself to TMS...in fact, it's almost worse, because when you don't get better, or it starts taking too long, you might say "I tried that' when truth be told, you didn't.

sorry. Like I said, I only do Sarno. and i am dick. But I am a pain free dick...and so are all of the people who've done what I did.

 

Thanks, B-Ball. That was the shock therapy I was after.
You've described so many times when you've had pain from this, that and the other thing and once you "Sarno-ed" rather than molly coddled you became pain free. I admit I'm a secret dick because sometimes wants to slap people into, just F-n do it. Screw the baby steps. If there is nothing physically wrong get your ass up and go. You are so good at telling people that. It may seem like your a dick to those who don't want to hear it, but it's also the kindest possible thing that someone can do for someone else.

 

I’ve tried just getting my ass up and going, 1,000 times. It doesn’t work for me. Graded exposure does.
I’m a proponent of the do whatever works for you mentality. I am probably one of the patients Sarno would have refused, in his personal work.
Personally, I have found many of Gordon’s ideas helpful.
I have read, heard, and spoken to many people who have had very successful extended recoveries (thanks to both @TG957 and @miffybunny for the encouragement that even folks on the long road to recovery can be successful!) using unique methods - many of which Sarno embraced later in his career -he just didn’t write books about them.
I have come far in two years. From being bed bound(for over a year). I still can’t do many (any) of the strenuous physical things I’d like to, but I do what I can. What has gotten me here is graded exposure. It took a lot of mind power and physical stamina to get where I am today. Whatever it takes. Whatever works for you.

 

McTopher i am in the same boat as you with the lack of mobility in the hand and various other places, however 6 months ago was when i gave up the fighting against it and just understood TMS and fight or flight fully, since i gave up and got on with my life i already seen a drastic change.

My wrist, knee, neck and hip flexibility has already drastically improved, my shoulders no longer hurt my fingers and hand have become a lot looser (however still cant bend) and i have seen enough evidence that TMS is the cause of all the issues i had. I was 9 stone 2 years ago and now back to my original weight, my sleep was awful but now i sleep like a baby 99% of the time. I am no longer worried and can alread feel a sense of calmness in my body.

I had a bad flare of it in July, i was moving house and carried a lot down stairs with difficulty in some cases, due to the stress of it my ankles got worse as did my knees. Took me 3 weeks to get past it as i already knew it was my body trying to protect me.

The one i do know, is that i am healing and will fully heal in time, obviously i wish it was today or tomorrow but it doesn't work like that.

 

Thank you everyone for the support and suggestions. It is motivating to hear them. As much as I would like to just get my ass up and going, I am going to do graded exposure until I feel more comfortable.

 

One last thought for others that might reading along.
Are you familiar with Rational Recovery?
It's a method for those who are addicted to alcohol to stop drinking. Not to join AA nor go through Steps nor consider themselves a victim or have an illness. To just stop drinking. End of.

The words graded exposure make me think of wanting to stop drinking and trying to do so by "I'll drink less."
And now a story.
My husband was drinking too much. He has an addictive type personality. When drinking alcohol he never was a person who could drink a couple beers or drinks and then stop. He couldn't go out to dinner and have one drink with dinner. If he had a drink, he would keep drinking until he couldn't drink anymore. Passed out or whatever. He got to where he was drinking every night.

At one point he decided he didn't want to keep drinking so much. He decided he would wean himself off. Slowly. Limit himself. He would drink just one beer a night. But it worked in the reverse. He's go to the convenience store and by one of those BIG bottles of beer. He'd drink that. Then he moved on to drinking two of those. Limiting didn't work to stop drinking.

And then one day he was reading a fiction book. One of the characters in the book stopped drinking after learning about Rational Recovery. Husband got curious. He looked online. He found Rational Recovery. They had a PowerPoint you could watch that explained about the beast part of your brain. And that your beast was lower part of your brain. And it was a hedonist. It could cajole you into taking that drink, doing that drug. The beast is very persuasive. But Rational Recovery reminds that you are in charge of your hand and your beast needs your hands in order top pick up that drink. And you can tell your beast right now that you are never going to drink again. It explains how the brain works.

My husband went through that Powerpoint, turned off his computer, and never drank again. That was 25 years ago.

 

"The words graded exposure make me think of wanting to stop drinking and trying to do so by "I'll drink less."

Well, that's a very negative, glass half full type of thinking, to me...and I absolutely understand this form of thinking because I was caught there for so long.

After being bed ridden for over a year, and thinking "I can't" all the time, I began to think perhaps I CAN. I tried going for long walks and then was totally unable to move again - it set me back months...actually I tried doing all kinds of things and every single time it set me back months. My body would tighten up... and during this time I was doing the programs here AND using a TMS therapist and eventually going to therapy. My anxiety was what I needed to tackle, and but my body wasn't cooperating.

With the encouragement of several people in this field, I starting doing more graded exposure. I was guided into gently doing many of the physical movements that would trigger symptoms - but doing them "out of context" (practicing them) it actually took a pretty short time before I could do them IN context. I mean I'm starting with pretty basic stuff like eating and eating more slowly (by this time I could barely eat, I am over 6' tall and was now wearing a women's size small clothing). Then being able to do it sitting for minutes at a time (my friend would Zoom call me so I could have a very positive experience) Eventually I worked on standing by helping my husband chop vegetables or prepare any food I could.

Graded exposure made me think that there are things I CAN do, and retrain my brain to find them safe, working on getting my body to follow. I actually had no idea someone had a "name" for it. I was following the ways that @TG957 confronted her anxieties and fears and this method absolutely worked for her. I look at it all as a win! I've learned that when I challenge my body, it likes to throw a LOT more TMS around, and head back into old habits - but my mind keeps forging forward and refuses to go back. I know eventually the body will follow. This method is a way of showing kindness to myself, and recognizing that for many years (probably 20) was in an INCREDIBLE amount of physical pain and I forced my way through it with "Shoulds" and "Have To's" - I was constantly told my physical efforts were never enough and that I was in pain because I was lazy and not physical enough (one Dr. told me to do the World's Biggest Loser workout!!). I was already working out or doing physically taxing stuff (I was a professional gardener and managed a garden center, did pilates, yoga, dancing, walked or rode my bike miles a day...).
Everyone has a similar, but slightly different way in which their life experience has gotten them to TMS. Mine was through a lifetime of being exposed to negative thinking so much that it was completely ingrained in every pore of my body. I've learned that listening to others negativity has completely squashed ability to feel empowered. The things I have done and where I am headed make me feel incredibly empowered, creative, and well - I am seeing things in a much more positive and hopeful light and it's great!

 

You have a great success story. I didn't mean to imply that working your way back is bad. I apologize for that.

 

@Cactusflower ,
This is an amazing pep talk for someone like me. I related to everything you said, and I can draw strength from it! I also love what @Baseball65 said. I would give anything for his method to work for me. I would do it!

For me, my entire package of symptoms isn’t as simple as an imitation structural problem, like a back ache. I’m not afraid of hurting myself. I don’t have a specific ache or pain to “fear.” I have a complete meltdown of my nervous system. I have random things happening for all different reasons. I have conditioned responses all over the place. It’s like overall panic manifesting in my body. The only solution for me is soothing myself.

I got into this condition through childhood trauma and terror, being mean to myself for years, pressuring myself, being around mean people, driving myself, low self esteem, and more. It’s a lot to unravel. It’s impossible to pinpoint the location causing it. It’s all of me. Any re-creation of pressure of any kind just sends me into a tailspin.

I guess that’s why the “softer” approaches are getting me somewhere. And not fast. I mean, it’s at a snail’s pace. But it’s all I’ve got. Snails pace or nothing at all. So I’m learning to be happy with the remote progress I’ve seen so far.

I’m trying to shut down all sources of terror and pressure. And that’s been a ton of work. Journaling, therapy and learning. And then I’m trying to soothe and stop the fear. I do respect Dr. Sarno, and owe my healing ultimately to him. But you will find that he originally didn’t want to deal with patients like me. He would have passed me off to therapy. He recognized that some of us had some deeper issues.

That said, @Baseball65, you have been really instrumental in helping me spot the sources of pressure that have been “hiding in plain sight,” as you say. Thanks for that!