Feeling like it will never stop

So it's been quite a while since my last post. I made a lot of progress, started incorporating more foods again, started jogging, went on vacation with friends for the first time. But i still have most of my sensations, so i'd say the progress is more thanks to outcome independence.

I decided to write here because i've been stuck for some weeks. It just feels like i'm constantly wading through murky water, all these sensations and troubles just never seem to stop, i'm so tired. The worst thing is, that since about a month ago i also feel like a completly different person, i have no patience for my friends and don't want to be around anyone, it kinda resembles some of my previous depressive episodes and i just can't seem to get out.
I went through all the usual things that normally work: journaling, somatic tracking, meditation, deconditioning, trying to not give a shit about feeling like this and just surrendering, reading success stories, reading Claire Weekes again but i'm just stuck and can't seem to get out.

I guess i'm just looking for some encouragement and anyone else who went through something similar because i really feel like i'm at my wits end again.

 

it’s often darkest before the dawn!
keep yourself open to the healing process having no set timeline~ but know that TMS often gets worse right before it mysteriously gets better.
this too shall pass. it always does. remember that and be well

 

Plateau’s happen!
@fridaynotes is right on.
Being frustrated - feel it! Be angry, but don’t be hard on yourself.
Think of this as a time to keep up practicing all your skills to work on the internal drivers of TMS: triggers, personality traits that don’t serve who you want to be or truly are, feeling those emotions, practicing kindness and patience, accepting that your journey may be a bit messy..practice handling the hard stuff!

 

i agree! and whatever it takes and however you do it, relaxing the central nervous system is KEY.
if you can relax and come to peace in your body, everything will loosen up.
keep trying to find strategies to relax and be in your body in a mindful way.
in my experience, that’s essential.

 

Hello you two!
First of all, thanks for your replies, you're right of course, it just gets so frustrating doing all the "right things" and still not getting better, even after a month.
It kinda feels like, after all this Progress, i'm back at Them beginning, but i'm definitly getting too stressed about my inner self-imposed speed of healing and how this all should look like.

 

ugh. tell me about it!
tms recovery can be ridiculously frustrating.
i’ve had symptoms that went away for a while and then came back and took a lot of time and effort to go away again. it’s a process.

 

I think a lot of TMSers can relate to this struggle, but still it feels like one is alone in this.
Hoping you stay symptom-free!

 

I have been on a cycle for months and months and months. Bad for a week, good for a few days, bad for two weeks, good for a week, bad for another week, good for a week. And by good, I usually don't mean symptom free, just minimal enough that I don't feel consumed by it.

Every time the symptoms leave long enough, I let myself get hopeful, but with that hope also comes fear of the pain's return. This is where I think I welcome it back, I give it power.

I've come to think of this entire journey as one of the hardest, yet hopefully most gratifying, endeavors I will ever embark on. We are literally trying to change our minds. And after years of "mindless" habit building, that takes time, a lot of it for most of us. Whenever you get impatient, remind yourself what you're doing, This is difficult, and it requires patience and persistence. But there is no doubt you are on the path and that is what matters.

Every big achievement is a culmination of many, many small steps. Best of luck to you!

 

Hi ARCUser831!
Thanks for your reply. It is always good to know that one isn't alone and i can really relate to everything you wrote, since i'm in a similar spot.
But what you wrote is so helpful, especially to keep in mind that we spent a really long time building our bad habits and neural networks, which play no small role in keeping our Symptoms going.

Patience is surely a habit we should all keep in mind when it comes to this journey!

I wish all the best to you too and good luck on your further journey.

 

I am glad you found my words helpful!

The beauty is that every day we are learning something, even on the bad days. I'm confident it will all make a difference as the days stack up.