Daniel L. Feeling like you're doing something wrong

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Question

How do I counteract feeling like I must be doing something wrong, and feeling guilty about it, whenever I have symptoms? Even when I try to do nothing about it, my symptoms are so disorienting and strong that I start to think I must be 'doing nothing' wrong too. It's a runaway train.

 

Answer

I have good news for you: you can’t do ‘nothing’ wrong. That feeling of pressure and the feeling that you’re doing something wrong is exactly the reason that you’re in this mess.

I can’t tell you how to get rid of that feeling, because it’s not a feeling at all. It’s a cognition – a thought – and the only reason that it’s sticking around is because you believe it. Part of you believes that you are doing something wrong, and therefore you deserve to be reminded of it. I can tell you right now, however, that you are not doing anything wrong. The only thing that’s “wrong” about the whole situation is that you think you’re doing something wrong. And by telling yourself that you are doing something wrong, then you are bullying yourself.

Perfectionism is a disease that afflicts most people with TMS. Learning how to be patient and forgiving with yourself is tricky, but it starts by recognizing that the thoughts in your head about your failings can be and often are complete garbage. At this point, they are a habit, and the only way to break a habit is to keep reminding yourself that you’re doing great, even in the moments of stress. Fill your head with what you’re doing right, not what you’re doing wrong. It will take some time before it becomes natural, but keep working at it. You’ll get there.

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