Derek S. Feeling my feelings

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Question

I just recently read The Mindbody Prescripion and I identify strongly with the TMS diagnosis. About 2 years ago I quit drinking and around the same time I started experiencing tendonitis type symptoms in my arms and hands. I play drums for a living so this was quite concerning. Fast forward 2 years and I've tried many different types of physical treatments with little to no lasting relief. My dad died when I was young and I can see how the emotions from that event set off a chain reaction of wanting to be liked, worrying about loss, repressed emotions etc. I've been meditating and journaling a lot since reading Sarno's book, I've signed up for therapy to help process these things that I'm realizing I never dealt with. I never grieved for the loss of my dad, I just became angry. I understand that my analytical mind is part of the problem and I want to make sure I don't approach this in a way that continues my repression. I'm trying to feel my feelings more on a day to day basis but it's hard. How do I feel things from so long ago? How do I unlock those emotions so I can stop repressing them? How do I feel my feelings when something or somebody in te present angers or hurts me? Our society is so anti-emotion, it's hard to know the best way to express emotion instead of holding it in.

 

Answer

Thanks for your question.

First of all, I want to commend you for contacting a therapist. This should not go unmentioned because it takes a lot of courage to ask for help.

You seem to have a good idea about the historical and logical context for your emotions. This is a direct result of all of the work that you have done up to this point (journaling, meditating, reading, etc.). Take a moment to recognize how far you've come, even if the symptoms have not yet gone away.

You seem to really understand the importance of not allowing your left brain to dominate this process of emotional exploration. Be mindful and attentive of your emotions on a moment to moment basis. Be curious and accepting of your feelings and try to focus on the somatic experience of your feelings.

I have included some resources on the topic of feeing your feelings here, here, and here.

I suggest that you really give all of yourself to the therapeutic process. Speak with your therapist about your desire to work through your feelings and let the expert guide you through the process. Figure out a simple plan for tending to your feelings moment to moment and then work hard in treatment to open up and allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Best of luck in your recovery!

-Derek

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Hi, Guest. Derek Sapico has given you some excellent advice. It's great that you are going to consult a therapist.
You have come a long way to healing because you have been discovering your repressed emotions.

If you haven't done the Structured Education Program, free in the subforum of this web site, I strongly suggest you start it.
It helps us to discover our repressed emotions and how to free ourselves from them so we can heal.

Be sure to practice deep breathing because it is profoundly relaxing. And try not to take everything too serious. The more we can laugh, the better.

Here is a pep talk about the SEP from a member of this community that should give you encouragement.

Kevin healed 95 % from SEP

Welcome to the SEP and to the path of recovery. I am on my final two days of the program and I can say with complete confidence that I am a changed man. I started after 6 months of nasty low-back/butt/leg pain, could hardly walk, stand, etc. was in physical therapy, chiropractor, acupuncture, pain medications, etc.. the usual. My MRI showed 3 disk bulges/herniations touching nerves, so that is what I believe it to be....that is until I read Dr. Sarno and found this site.

I encourage you to really get involved, follow the instructions, do the journaling, take time to read all the suggested readings, and watch the videos. I'd say I'm 95% cured. There is still some very light lingering "annoyance", but I still have some work to do. I've been walking miles with hardly any pain these last few weeks. But even more, if the pain comes on now, it just doesn't bother me like it used to, I sorta just see it, acknowledge it, and go about my business. It took working the program to get to that point, but 6 weeks compared to 6 months is nothing! I made more progress in the first week than I did from two months of PT!!! It's going to challenge you and your "beliefs" in medicine, but you have nothing to lose. We generally wind up here when all else fails.

So give it a shot, especially before considering anything invasive like surgery. If you put the work in, you will get better. Have you read Dr. Sarno yet? I assume you have since you're here, but in case you haven't, definitely readHealing Back Pain. Again, it will challenge everything you've believed about your pain, and backs in general. You'll be encouraged to resume life as normal, i.e. stop ALL "therapies" (PT, chiro, etc.), stop taking medications, and most importantly, stop thinking STRUCTURAL problems are the cause of your pain and shift to psychological as the reason.....again, this can be difficult and takes some time to sink in, so be patient and kind to yourself.

It was a process for me. A few of the bigger moves in my case were: I ripped up and threw out my MRI test results (I found myself obsessively reading over them and comparing them to other results I could find on the web and even here on the TMSwiki site...); I got back to the gym and stopped using a weight belt; and I even cancelled an appointment I had made with aTMS doctorbecause it was more than a month away and it was hindering my recovery (that is, my 100% belief in TMS was lagging because I had this pending appointment, but as soon as I cancelled it, my recovery sped up significantly). Everyone's journey is unique to their situation, but I've found that really committing to the program and brining what I learn from it into my daily life has had profound results. Also, sharing along the way here in these forums has been extremely helpful - there's something about knowing that you're not alone in your TMS recovery that really helps. I encourage you to look through my past posts for some insight into my experience with SEP. Like I said, I'm just now finishing, tomorrow is my final day, and I feel like a changed person. It's amazing. And I feel as though it is something that one carries on with, not just like a one time 6 week thing and that's that...it has helped me to get to know myself and taught me tools to "deal" with my emotions. Learning and accepting TMS is a life changer for sure.