Great News! My neck is killing me!

Well I feel I'm making some progress. After letting go of all my "deadlines", stopping the program for awhile, and being nice to myself - I think I might be getting a bit better.

The other night when I couldn't sleep, I recalled a suggestion from a fellow TMS'er about how to deal with this. It worked great - even went more into detail than I expected.

And today I woke up with a really sore neck! Yesssssss! My back is still there to remind me that I'm not "there" yet, but to have the pain move from one place to another? Well I see this as a very good sign. After all one of the first things I learned is that when things are starting to "give", when the subconscious is on alert for change, well then that's when the pain moves around.

It could be the window was open to the cold air last night, or it could be that I'm actually starting to get this. And I'm not consciously working at it right now. I've been too busy to do anything but write in my journal in the mornings.That I do no matter what is going on.

I feel this might be starting to work. I submerged myself into two programs and now I'm letting it sink in.

So no, I can't look to my left today, but I'm really excited about it: my neck hurts a lot today!!!

BG

 

Sounds like you're making headway!

 

That's funny! What a great way of looking at it, and such a difference from when chronic pain was a daily grind, huh? Nice.

 

Such courage BG I really admire you. My first reaction to pain is to resist the hell out of it. Your approach makes so much sense. Years ago when I had my first episode of pain in my back I got several really, really painful neck episodes I mean lie in bed with a heating pad drink wine and take a muscle relaxer and cry, pain. That was 30 years ago and my neck rarely hurts now even though xrays show my neck is the most screwed up of my spine. Interesting huh?

 

Thank you all!

I have tried very hard to work a variety of programs for TMS. Including the one on the wiki. I've learned I could be the Poster Girl for TMS. I've had chronic back pain - that at the moment is raging because I can't seem to get anyone to take my Costco payment - and now I'm going for a new approach:

"Lighten Up"

My life is pretty stress filled right now and there's not much I can do about it except: Serenity Prayer. TMS reminders. Come here and let it out.

And all of a sudden my neck began to hurt! I am very excited since (and it still hurts very badly today) the theory is when TMS recovery starts to sink in: the pain will move around!

Oh and one other exciting piece: my right eye sees "gray" sometimes when things are really crazy or I'm talking too much about TMS. Typically, I would be in a panic - but I'm learning to ride it out since I'm pretty sure this is TMS related (close your eyes to all of this) and it lasts just a few minutes.

So thank you all in sharing my joy over my neck pain. I'm by no means out of the woods. But I'm excited it's on the move.

Maybe recovery is just around the corner!!!

BG

 

B-G, it sounds like you have reached what I term 'the laughing phase', the point where you can observe these new symptoms and laugh them off. I love the expression 'TMS on the run'. Go give TMS/PPD a run for its money, preferably on the beach with the dog.

 

Thank you yb44! It's actually snowing here today (*frown*) and a beach walk will have to wait. My back has a little less pain, while my neck continues to bother me a great deal. It would be so wonderful if this was the "exit point" and I finally get some long periods of time without pain.

I know the future holds great things for me (and my dog) so as soon as spring returns, we shall return to the beach.

So weird. No warning - started snowing last night and we have about an inch that isn't going anywhere. The sky above the ocean is as dark as night! WOW!

BG

 

That's great news! I have also noticed that the pain often moves around before it goes away, sometimes even within specific pain episodes.

 

Well my neck is worse today, but I'm not noticing a lot of back pain. Fingers crossed (comfortably)

BG

 

Hi, I had a very similar thing, it's very powerful when the pain moves isn't it, it's for sure a sign that your uncouscious is losing. My neck was sore for 5 months and then one morning it simply left... but a few hours later it appeared severely in my hip. That was about 4 weeks ago and I am doing really well but it is still flaring up. when it's gone, my neck has a dull ache, so popcorn pain is my current drama, but I agree with you, it is so exciting when it moves - let's just hang onto the fact that one day our conscious mind will win! Good luck.

 

Thank you Megan.

Neck is STILL bugging me but I have noticed my back isn't as bad. Still "there" in terms of pain, but it's like it "split up". Still trying to take it easy, but there is so much to be done. I don't have a mellow little beach life. But I did start Dr. Schubiner's program again. Didn't realize I had one day left in week three. Now I'm supposed to start week 4 - but I don't feel like I'm ready yet to rebuild my life.

Should I do it anyway?

BG

 

I also have pain moving around at the moment, and am following Dr Schubiners program. My thoughts as to "whether you should do it anyway", would be a positive and definite YES. Have no doubt, have no fear, be positive in your outlook and go for it. The program is truly excellent, and can do nothing but good for you.
Max

 

BG, Hi, Is Dr Schubiner's program the structured ed program on the wiki? Anyways, whatever the prog is, I'd say yes, keep doing it. We have nothing to lose by learning. Also I think we TMS sufferers have to get good at being still to our surroundings and letting our mind 'out'. I've taken to sitting quietly for 10mins or so most days withOUT a pen/paper, withOUT a cuppa or the phone, withOUT thinking TMS mantras, and just letting my mind wander. I mentally acknowledge what's in the immediate future and stress assoc with that, but then i switch off to that and simply 'be'. i don't learn anything (!) other than to like my own company and be content just to 'be'. (If I'm in pain, I acknowledge that I'm in pain, but that it's ok and won't last forever and that I want to learn from my mind. I'm rarely in pain when I'm sitting still. When I had my horrendous neckpain, it was very hard to sit and think. VERY HARD, i only really started it when it left my neck and went to my hip/leg/groin area.) All the best BG, Megan

 

Thank you Max and Megan:

I did the structured program on the wiki and learned a lot. But I still had back pain. It was a little better, but still there. So I ordered Dr. Schubiner's book. During week 3 I became overwhelmed with all the writing and all the demands I have on my daily life. We are struggling financially and I do A LOT of talking on the phone. My husband's medications have sky rocketed making payments nearly impossible. I've spent days at a time trying to find help for all these situations for the entire winter. All while trying to heal my back.

The Big Crash happened about 3 weeks ago. I could no longer deal with our finances or my back problem so I took a break. I have been working on art projects (not something I typically do) and watching cowboy movies. (cute boys on horses - always makes me feel good) I also have been to the beach as the weather allows. I simply stopped everything because my anxiety was on full tilt boogy.

But in the down time I've taken, I've also made some decisions about going forward with issues again. This time I will not be as emotional. This time I will view the paper work as just "work" and not "the END of our LIVES as we KNEW it." Before the economy went upside down we did just fine. But the past three years have been nothing but stress. And this winter it really hit us hard. My husband has advanced prostate cancer. I am very involved in his care and working with his doctor. But I also realized "this is his journey" and I can only do as he wishes and let him make the decisions here. The cancer in moving slowly, but it is on the move and his doctor wants him to go on yet another medication that costs typically 10 grand a month. I started to laugh upon hearing that news.It was one of those laughs where you want to cry instead. But apparently (with more paper work) we can reduce the price. Two of his meds that he absolutely has to have are costing us $900 a month.

I looked at week 4 of the program Dr. Shubiner offers and I realized: I'm already doing this. I'm already getting back to my authentic self and stopping the stress and anxiety for a few weeks really helped. I will go back. Slowly. And again, do only what is in my control. I'm going to try and not lose our house next. AND I'm going to focus on what I love which is my animal communication. I recently gave a class through an arts school we have here locally. My class was the biggest turn out they've had all winter. So I think I may continue to teach people how to become more in touch with their animals. Learn that they ARE getting messages from them. I'm pleased to say all my students did very well. Made me very happy.

In the meantime, my husband has had bad sciatica for the past three days. Can't sleep, sit, lie down, nothing. So I handed over the rest of my pain meds. For two days I've had nothing and also: no back pain! My neck is still pretty bad, but I'm amazed I feel no withdrawals and my back is sore, but not the stabbing pain I used to get when I ran out. I don't feel panic today about my refill, I'll just wait and go and get it when it's ready. This is very new for me.

So I think it's time for the Big Test. The one I fear more than anything: going to the beach without pain medication. I have this "thing" still in my head that I will hurt myself again. This is my final barrier I think.

Stay tuned. I'm not there yet, but I think if I could conquer this fear, my pain will actually go away. And I could write a letter of thanks with positive results to Dr. Sarno!!!

BG

 

And I have history of intense pain on the beach - so I AM scared. I know it, but I feel if I keep that goal in mind, I will make it there. I have gone once or twice, but not for a walk. I did the mindfulness practice - I call it "grounding". The beach is so grounding for me, everything else melts away. I stay until I am sort of one with what's around me and the pain has gone away.

I KNOW you are right, it's having the courage to do this. Zeke (dog) is on board. He wants to help. He wants to go more places. So - I just need that first short walk with him to prove that afterwards - I'll have no pain. Except maybe in my neck. So many of you have done this that it really gives me hope.

And his meditations really help me too. I will try this before the Big Adventure. That's going to be some post!!! But I know it's going to happen.

BG

 

Let us know how it goes!

It sounds like you have a powerful association with walking there and pain. My pain doesn't come on during specific activities but would sometimes come on in places where I felt like I couldn't get away--a long bus ride, a party where someone else drove and I couldn't leave, a work activity where I was responsible for something and would let people down if I had to leave early, etc.

I don't know if this will help you, but I realized it's really not any different whether I'm in pain at home or at work or on the bus or whereever. Oddly enough that made me feel better.

Maybe you can have someone go with you so you have some support?

 

This is interesting. I hadn't thought about it until now. I love, love, love the beach. I grew up here as a kid in my grandparents home all summer long, and moved here in my late teens for a few years. I went back to college and then got a "grown up" job. But it was full of stress. So I moved back here in the early 90's where I hooked up with an old boyfriend - who is now my husband.

But I love this beach, know all the cool places to hang out - know where to go when the tide is high, and when it's low. I know where to find bald eagles, blue herons. I know where to find baby seals that their moms have parked while they feed at sea. I have the phone number of the local "sea dude" who likes the interesting things I find with my dog. It's an awesome life. In the summers when the beach is too busy, I know some awesome hikes in the woods, easy hikes, that my dog and I love.

And I get scared of getting out there in the middle of the beach, at low tide, and have my back start hurting. When my SI joint was out, it ALWAYS hurt no matter what I did. Now I have to know in my heart of hearts (and I do) that my SI joint is back in alignment and I'm healthy. I need this mantra for awhile.'

Tomorrow we have a high tide warning. Raised here, I know when to run and when I can stay where I'm grounding. But I'm going to be wearing gortex from head to toe and also boots. Not the best "running gear." But I think that I might take some pain meds with me and see if I can ground, search for agates and other cool rocks, and see how long I can get my body to hang out on the "beachless beach" without pain meds.

Maybe it won't happen tomorrow, but it will happen. I don't have fear of the beach, but that is where I exercise and hang out. Oh and find some cool new stuff. I'm an avid beach-comber. We're starting to find tidbits from the Japanese tsunami. I don't want to find anything TOO weird out there, but it would be fun to find something of value so I could return it.

BG

 

I am sure you can conquer this fear, and you will conquer it. Think it through carefully, but with a very positive mindset, perhaps using some self talk to assist you. Keep focused and take it slowly at first, and perhaps only staying there a short time at first, even if that is only minutes, it is a victory and a success. With every success will come more confidence.
" But I think that I might take some pain meds with me " Would you need to take your pain meds with you if you were only there a short time? So, by spending a short time on the beach, without pain meds, you are in with a very good chance of success. That could be your first step on the ladder? Just afew of my thoughts which I hope are of help to you. Good luck, I am certain you will conquer this. Go for it!