hello

Hello,

I'm new to the forum and thought I would write a quick bit of my story.

I've been battling what I believe have been TMS Manifestations my entire life. I'm currently 36 years old. Some of the memories may be out of order but I'll do my best. Thinking back after reading two of Sarno's books (healing back pain and mindbody prescription) i've come to realize some of this stuff.

As a kid I used to get palantir fascitis in my feet, but most of my issues began as I was a young adult (21 years old).

Again, I forget exact dates, but shortly after taking my first real job out of college I spent about 2 years with daily chronic migraine headache, varying in degree from 5-9 on the pain scale. I recall pain killers having no positive effect, but tranquilizers (benzodiazapines) seemed to dull the pain. I was also extremely sensitive to light during this period. I saw doctors and a neurologist and had MRI of my brain and nothing came of it. After trying every supplement known to impact migraines the head pain started to oscillate and eventually just went away altogether. Somewhere during this time I began to develop a gnawing sensation in my abdomen. I recall a series of doctor visits and much paranoia surrounding this pain in my stomach. Somewhere around this time I began exercising either jogging or cycling. This seemed to trigger IT band syndrome. I would experience hip pain and pain along the outside of my legs when sitting or when jogging / cycling. This then somehow faded into chronic disabling knee/leg pain. I was unable to stand for any period of time without pain ranging from 4-8 on the scale of 10. Moving was easier for me, but still hurt. Standing still was the worst. This was completely disabling and prevented me from doing any physical activity. I tried elimination diets and used foam rollers and visited rhuematologist and had blood tests done and even a GI upper/lower scope as I thought this could be related to chron's or something autoimmune. It was somewhere around this time that I stumbled upon Sarno's work. I began to read 'Healing back pain' and wondered if it could apply to my knee pain. I was able to relate to the case studys in the book and for the first time in a decade I began to feel a sense of hope for my condition. After reading the first half of the book my leg pain began to subside. It was around this time I believe that I began to experience severe ringing in the ears (tinnitus). This dominated my existence for a period of about 6 months or so and has recurred a few times since. Again, I forget the exact timelines here. Shortly after this I was involved in a car wreck , rear end collision and was diagnosed with whiplash. I never completely healed from this and as I do computer work I would sit with pain burning in my neck and shoulders (4-8/10). I began to play frisbee golf and just as I began to get competitive I then developed tennis elbow which completely took me out of action. I rested and did physical therapy off/on for about 9 months and began to throw again, only to have the pain recur just as I began to get competitive again. I recalled Sarno's work and began to apply it as well as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) for my elbow. This time my elbow healed in less than a week (as oppose to nearly a year) and my elbow has been a non issue since then. I've also been diagnosed with MVP (Mitral Valve Prolapse) and have battled with fear of faulty heart function (confusing GI symptoms as serious cardio symptoms) but this has subsided.

Currently I struggle with ecszema on my leg/shin and it seemed that just as I did a round of steroid cream on my leg and I completely stopped scratching it, my neck/shoulder pain flared up. I thought it could be related to a seasonal allergy, but now I'm believing that I'm having a full on TMS attack in my neck and shoulders.

I read MindBody prescription and I've just received 'The Great Pain Deception' and am going to read it next. I fully believe that all of my history explains I'm hoping for a full reprieve of symptoms once and for all.


As I look within and try to find sources of internal rage, the main things that come to mind are
a) my family moving me across the country as a young kid (age 12) - new school, trying to fit in, bullies, etc.
b) my parents divorcing, and then remarrying new spouses
c) fear of death


I have began doing meditation and also exercises where I try to 'FEEL' the emotion inside of me, sometimes I do feel a sense of what might be referred to as Rage, but I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for. If I try to 'LET GO' of everything inside of me physically and mentally I do get a sensation or sort of a rush throughout my body that could be the rage.

I am married and have two young children and have what I would like to call a very blessed life. I'm taking this now as a full time attempt to vanish the symptoms that I fully believe are mindbody.


Maybe I'll post some more in the Ask a Therapist section.

 

Somewhere in this mix I also had two bouts of frequent urination which included trips to a urologist. At one point it was so bad I could not sleep at night as I would get up to pee only to immediately lay back down and feel the urge again. The urologist found no problems. The worst bout lasted about a month, but eventually this also just went away

 

Sounds like you've found the path less travelled! Urinary urgency is reported frequently among TMSers. Since you have been checked by a Urologist this increases likelihood it's TMS manifesting. Good luck. My advice, don't try too hard to get better. You will have setbacks, moments of breakthrough and "aha!" .
Good luck!