Help me in tms please

I am ashu from India I am facing ocd and chronic headache since 2013 now ocd is manageable but since last 5 year I am facing chronic pain in my whole body I feel so tired, painfull ,burning and itching sensation and feel like someone beated me
,tightness and pinch pain I know it is tms that is created my childhood hood event bulling in school and other and ocd ,anxiety it just made worse I know I am physically wall but what should I do what I am feeling very painfull now .since I couldn't pursue professional study I have much pressure about my career and finance of mine and my responsibility about family . I have many doubt with tms approach and many questions . I hope you will understand.

 

I am ashu I facing ocd and chronic pain in my whole body , tension headache and burning and pitching sensation I am confused about tms Dr John sanro told us anger,stress, frustration, sad ,being perfection and please personality are cause of tms all symptoms but today life it is part of life earning and professional life more for low class income who would have to work hard more for less income and if we feel all time all feeling when we will work for money earning . And we can't cut of all emotion anger,stress, frustration, sad ,being perfection and please personality mostly if you facing ocd too that is anxiety , obsession and uncertainty problem

 

Hi, Rohit! Please note that members should not provide personal information such as phone numbers or Instagram handles on this forum, and members should not act as TMS consultants unless they are trained, credentialed, and verified. Please do not request this personal information in future posts. Your cooperation is appreciated.

The intention is not to cut off emotions, anger, stress, etc. Emotions and feelings are unavoidable in life. We should not aim to become dolls void of humanity.

Instead, the intention is to observe and deal with emotions and feelings. The key is balance, which is created by accepting that emotional pain is part of life, aiming to find solutions as problems arise, and going on with our lives without fearing TMS symptoms. Our happiness cannot be dependent on outcomes, including the outcome of being symptom-free. This is also how we build resiliency.

EXAMPLE
Using work as once example: I have a highly stressful job. I’ve heard many stories of people who went on extended mental leave because of the constant deadlines and pressure. While at a conference, I even heard two separate stories of people checking into psych wards. There is zero chance I can do my job without some level of stress. In the past when my situation was especially stressful, I often worked 15 to 18 hour days for weeks at a time. At one point, it took me nearly a month to notice my neighbor’s outdoor Christmas tree because I was working non-stop. However, I am not afraid of stress, and if TMS symptoms do appear, I acknowledge where they’re coming from and continue living without waiting for them to disappear. I also identify solutions to address unsustainable situations, such as improving processes and delegating work to decrease my work hours. However, even though I have a much better work-life balance today and no longer work 18 hour days, stress is unavoidable because I want to stay in my field right now and will therefore always be under deadline pressure. Even if I did switch to a job with minimal stress, there will be other stressors in my life.

STAYING ABOVE WATER
Accepting emotional pain:
Life will never be 100% convenient. We will always have loved ones pass away, relationships go awry (whether platonic, romantic, physical, or familial), health conditions (including aging), governments make choices we disagree with, political misalignment, natural disasters, etc. But we have to continue our lives and accept the emotional pain in a resilient manner. Without accepting life’s emotional pain, we prevent ourselves from experiencing happiness. Neither emotional pain nor happiness are constant in life. We all experience both at different times, and it’s critical that we understand how to navigate times of emotional and physical pain. Also, accepting that emotional pain is inevitable does not mean you cannot be proactive about finding solutions to problems when possible, like me with my work-life balance. But remember that there is no solution for that results in a life without emotional pain. This is why toxic positivity fails.

Every decision has pros and cons:
One of the best lessons I ever learned was that every decision we make - even if it’s as incredible as buying a winning lottery ticket worth $1 billion - has pros and cons. Sure, some decisions have way more cons than other decisions and life will never fair, but that’s why we aim to make the best decisions we can, accept that we only know what we know at the time (which helps us avoid regret if the decision has consequences we didn’t foresee), and keep our options open for other possibilities in life. We MUST let go of certain things and we cannot care about or control them. Mark Manson’s book titled “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F” taught me this lesson. Manson suggests that we be strategic when deciding what we give a F about because giving a F about everything is impossible.

Solutioning for uncertainty:
Having a solutions-oriented mindset helps us deal with uncertainty as well. Just like emotional pain is part of life, so is uncertainty. We must ride the waves of uncertainty by restoring balance and becoming resilient (see my second paragraph).

People pleasing:
When it comes to being a people pleaser, know that setting boundaries respectfully and honoring your needs can strengthen relationships. When you let people walk all over you, you not only hurt yourself, but you hurt other people. Personal example: I had to decline a surprise gift from someone who already knew I didn’t have space for it. I didn’t know about the gift or request it, I strongly suspected it came with certain strings attached and said something deeper about our friendship, and I really didn’t have ANY space for it. I wanted to be honest instead of regifting or keeping it in storage forever. The old people pleaser version of me would’ve accepted the gift, but current me knows that I am not obligated to do so, and I can frame this respectfully. I also needed to decline accepting this gift as it could potentially change the nature of our relationship, and my boundaries are important. The person asked appreciated my transparency about not being able to make space for the gift and said it would’ve been hurtful had I just kept the it in storage (I didn’t mention the suspected strings attached, of course ). At the end of the day:

• You do not have infinite resources or energy, and you cannot be a good person for yourself or others without boundaries.
• Being a people pleaser is pointless because you cannot spare everyone from disappointment and unhappiness, which we know are simply part of life. It also insults other people’s ability to be resilient and accept honest feedback and respect boundaries.
• People pleasing doesn’t guarantee that you’ll make someone else happy - sometimes people pleasing creates despair (like my friend would’ve felt).
• Ultimately, people pleasing is about you avoiding the discomfort of upsetting someone else, which isn’t rooted in goodness anyway.

Happiness:
Lastly, because you mentioned work stress, know that we all deserve happiness. What do you enjoy? Learn a new language or about a new topic, get a pet, talk to friends, go swimming, binge watch your comfort show - whatever works for you. Now that you know emotional pain is a valid part of life (when handled with a balanced and resilient mindset), we can embrace the things that make us happy - big or small. Again, life will never be fair, but as long as we do what we can do within reason, we have to keep going.

Emotional work:
For some of us, understanding these concepts and techniques is more important than journaling, identifying repressed emotions, etc. I’m a sensitive person - I’ll always have some repressed emotion or source of unease. For that reason, I focus on how I manage life in general.

GOING BACK TO TMS
Everyone experiences TMS symptoms, even if it’s as simple as blushing when you’re embarrassed. Some of us have much more intense symptoms due to prolonged stress, being more sensitive, trauma, etc. But we CAN heal.

I hope this helps. Please let us know what questions you have and how we can help!

 

You're right about that: all those pressures, financial and emotional, begin and end in the family and stretch all the way back to early childhood. But whether or not you allow them to hurt you is very much your choice. Then, there's your personality and early childhood conditioning. As John E. Sarno MD quite wisely observed those of us who put big pressure on ourselves to be perfect and good are no doubt are or still are trying to please our parents. The trick to eliminating the symptoms is being kinder and gentler to yourself. Not eliminating your drives ambitions but placing them in a more self-nurturing frame of reference. Not so easy though is it?

 

@Rohit, heads up - I merged your threads together. This will help facilitate a cohesive and thorough discussion. Please let me know if you have any questions!