Help, second try

Hu all, I posted this in the “general” forum 2 days ago, and didn’t receive much reply. I gather this is actually the place for this kind of post, not there, though I do want to say thank you to Kalo for a thoughtful and kind reply.

This is my first post on this forum. I first discovered the concept of TMS years back, while living in Russia, at about age 25. I had already dealt with about 7 years of mysterious back pain, and migraines since the age of 9, which a litany of testing did nothing to address. (It was all done at Columbia-Presbyterian, where I grew up in NYC, among the best hospitals in the nation). All of the TMS models stuck like glue, but I had very little means to seek real guidance with it, so I adopted some of the principles, and moved on. A few years later, I used a very similar approach to treating years of substance abuse/addiction, and it proved far more effective than any of the previous “brain disease” or 12-step models.

Still, the chronic pains, while minor and dulled, never went away. This winter, after what was a few years of tremendous upheaval, both joyful and traumatic, bad hip/glute pain and sciaticareturned, without any acute cause. I took an approach of slow yoga, meditation, some PT protocols, and frankly, some psychedelic work, and it cleared. Then again, a very stressful life moment hit in April, and it’s been a struggle since. Most recently, it’s sciatica, to the extent that I can barely walk, work or stand up (yet I can still squat 400lbs without issue), along with neck pain, TMJ, tooth pain that comes and goes with the jaw tension, and migraines. I read up on TMS again, and even more, it stuck. I’ve been seen by every physical specialist under the sun. Nothing. I’ve tried reading and meditating more, and nothing’s working.

I am now singularly obsessed with the pain and tension I’m feeling, and the hopelessness and lack of function accompanying it. I’m not enjoying my work, my farm, my community, my hobbies, my marriage. I am functioning at maybe 15%, on a good day. I’m not overtly suicidal, but I’m not enjoying being alive, and the thoughts are getting darker and scarier. This is just horrible.

What are some of the best options or resources for such extreme cases? I have basically unlimited financial resources, and can make time. This has got to stop before it unravels my entire life. I’m really scared.

Thank you for any help or advice. Blessings,
Jim

 

Hi Jim,

I wonder if you have engaged basic "Sarno work" with the resources at the Wiki. You can order books from Schubiner, or Schechter, which are workbooks, with journaling, or engage free programs written by Alan Gordon, or the Wiki itself. Most folks need a deeper support than simply reading and contemplating. This includes finding ways to relax, and guidance in how to be with symptoms.

With unlimited financial resources, you might go to a TMS physician and get a supportive diagnosis, and also engage local or long-distance help, on-going with a pschotherapist or coach specializing in Dr. Sarno's approach. These two aspects can be very important, especially if your own in-depth engagement --as I suggest above, does not loosen things up in a month or two.

Don't give up, but gently engage and get support, and be patient. Slow, regular engagement with practices is more important than "trying to fix quickly." This is hard to remember when things are acute.

Andy B

 

Healing is hindered by obsession and fear. You have to work on eliminating your obsession and fear of the symptoms by living your life and fully participating in activities you enjoy again. TMS is not an actual condition - it is simply a natural phenomenon every single individual on the planet experiences when dealing with emotions, whether it's a minor headache that lasts five minutes or full blown fibromyalgia.

Obsession and fear reinforce to the opportunistic brain that something is indeed wrong with you, and that the symptoms are a welcome distraction.

My pain scale ranged from 8/10 to 10/10 on a daily basis, and it consumed my entire life. It went down to 1/10 to 0/10 when I allowed myself to heal. You are not alone, and many of us have come out of the severest situations before. Steve Ozanich is a wonderful example. My profile describes many of my symptoms as well as what helped me heal.

You will heal when you are free of obsession and fear, and are living your fullest life again.

 

I completely believe that, and yet have no idea how to ever get there, and begin to fear my own capacity to completely give up. All of this conjecture and uncertainty is only driving the obsession deeper and deeper. Yesterday, after the 5th time I meditated, I started to get just a tiny touch of relief, and then I woke up today with more acute tooth pain, strong sciatica and a numb and tingly left foot (realizing now this foot has been numb for weeks straight) and just started contemplating shooting myself.

Andy B, how does one even find a therapist trained in Sarno’s work? I asked a couple folks locally in Atlanta who are very linked into that field, and couldn’t find anyone who even knows what TMS is, or who Dr. Sarno was. I have done a lot of the DIY stuff, and honestly, it’s just making me more and more obsessed with the pain, and more frantic and miserable.

 

Jccfergie
Just a suggestion. Today,being saturday, there is a chat room open at 3pm.
I've copied the link for you to know how to sign on to this. Maybe talking with some other TMS'rs will give you some hope.
Lainey

Schedule
We host a text-based internet chatroom every Saturday between 3:00 and 4:00 PM, US Eastern Time. The chat room is for peer support by and for people with TMS (The Mindbody Syndrome).

Guidelines:
We observe the following guidelines to create a positive and safe environment for peer support:

1. Use “I” language: Because we do not participate in support groups as credentialed professionals, we do not instruct or advise.
2. Rule out serious conditions: Only licensed professionals can rule out serious medical conditions and provide diagnoses or medical advice.
3. It's o.k. not to share: People do not have to share if they do not wish to
4. Anyone is welcome to join these chat rooms. It's everyone's responsibility to make the chats a safe place to share: we respect confidentiality, treat each other with kindness and respect one another's opinions.
5. We advise against sharing any personally identifiable information and encourage you to use a screen name or pseudonym if doing so makes you feel more comfortable.

Instructions/How To Join

• To join, click on this link between 3:00 PM and 4:00 PM US Eastern Time. The current time is ET. If you click the link when a chat isn't active, you'll get an error.
• You'll need to log in or make an account to participate. It takes less than a minute and will make it possible for you to post in the forum. Click here to make your account and reserve your anonymous username. (Previously, we had thought that guest accounts might be available, but unfortunately they won't be, so everyone will need to make an account.) Please register your account in advance in case there are any problems.
• The basics of the chat room are pretty straightforward and can be seen from the image below. You type your own messages where it says "Write a Message," at the bottom in very light grey. Press Enter or click the submit button to submit your message. You read other people's messages on the left and you can see a list of participants on the right. At the top are some helpful links in orange and at the very bottom are some buttons for formatting and smilies. Note that the chat room is only available when a scheduled chat is in session. That's all you need to know!
• Regular visitors may wish to learn more about the chat room from our Chat room FAQ.

 

Hello Caufield,

Wanted to read your story and ‘what’ helped you to heal : but its empty ? No reading there ...

 

Hi Jccfergie,

I didn't see your question until tonight. I think it depends on your experience with counseling. If you have some experience, and do the DIY programs, then you might be able to "shop around" with local therapists, interview a few, and look for one who you think will support you, probably "psychodymic" type more than "cognitive behavioral" although cb is fine too, just not as correlated with some of the typical journaling or "Sarno approach."

Some sufferers this because they can use their insurance to cover the costs, and they feel ready to look for local support --which can often be very good, even by a "non-TMS" therapist.

If you don't want to try to put together your own support as I suggest above, you might have to look long-distance for a counselor or coach. In this approach, insurance will probably not help pay for the costs.

Andy B

 

Ahhh yes, I removed my profile content after my comment, as quite a few people were going through my entire comment history and messaging me about it, treating my earlier words as some sort of gospel because I've healed. I disagree with many of those posts and even find some of them to be troubling. I wish I could remove them, and while I realize it's possible to search for those posts using other methods, I want to limit their visibility as much as I can. Simply put, I said a lot of things that were only aiding the hindrance of my own healing. I was still fearful of and obsessed with the symptoms, and not fully understanding that "TMS" = nothing more than a bodily response to emotions.

See here: http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/how-i-healed-from-a-myriad-of-symptoms.18723/ (How I healed from a myriad of symptoms)

 

@Caulfield : Thank you
Read most of it (on purpose )
And like your story. What i get’ is also you agree on the fact that we all have to find a way to heal that fits us..
For one its journaling, while for others this could be not working Etc etc
Must find my own path to full recovery
Like also the fact that you mentioned
not to analyze every detail over and over
Certainly usefull to me to
So :Thanks !

 

How do you remove your profile from TMSWIKI?

 

Hi Pastor Ken,
You might pm JantheCPA and see if she can do this for you. I am unsure on this.
Andy B