How do you accept pain? I need help!

Hello everyone,

I Discovered Sarno a few months ago and new right away that this was me.I have been dealing with pelvic pain for over the past 6 months and i feel like i am living a nightmare. I watched myself go from a very social, outgoing, active person to a very depressed, anxious and anti social person.
I believe in tms 100% and I fit the T type personality perfectly. I have been trying to journal, work on outcome independence etc. In the great pain deception Steve wrights: ‘defeat it by allowing it’. Also Claire Weekes talks about ‘accepting’ as the most important thing in healing from pain and illness. What you resist, persist. I have been trying really hard to accept the pain. Or to just be with it. Acknowledge it but shift focus. But I find it so so hard. I am so angry that this happend to me and what the pain is doing to my life. I know this fighting is not working and I try to just let it be there. But I get so frustrated and angry at it all. I really want to spend my energy on healing and positive thoughts but I keep slipping back into the frustration and fighting the pain. I really feel like this is key for me. That I can not heal from this before I find some peace. I am at the end of my wrope. Does anyone have tips on this? Thank you so very much! Sarah

 

Sarah,

Trust me, we have all wrestled with this aspect of healing and it is from the safe shore of the other side that I tell you the way to 'accept pain' is by learning how to self-soothe. Pain cannot be ignored but it can be calmed, softened, gentled into a state where all the other healing measures are able to act powerfully.

Are you familiar with self-soothing?
Have you read about it here? Or elsewhere?

It's helpful to get a bead on where you are with this so as best to nudge you in the right direction.

Plum x

 

Can I ask what type of pelvic pain you have? I’m trying to figure out if what I have could have a tms component to it.

 

Hi plum, Thank you for your kind words. I am familiair with self soothing. But haven’t really tried that. I try to say to myself that I am in control and that me and my body are one. That helps. What kinds of self soothing did you say to yourself? Thank you!

 

Hi Robyn,
I have pain in my back, pupic bone, buttocks and burning sensation in anus and urethral burning. Hope you find your answers!

 

The most helpful method I have found is best described by Alan Gordon as Somatic Tracking and Cognitive Soothing (both of which are explained in his program on this site). I discovered it by accident when doing Yin Yoga and was incredibly gratified some months later when Alan put a name to the experience. As you are familiar with Claire Weekes you'll see it is a variant on her brilliant advice on dealing with panic and anxiety.

This form of self-soothing is powerful because over time it breaks the circuit, calming the mind and allowing the body to relax and rest. With patience it becomes a mindful form of body scan replacing the ever-vigilant TMS tendency to hide from what we feel.

It works with anger, as well as pain, and helps you nurture more self-compassion.

My favourite soothing phrases are simple.

I am safe.
Breathe.
I am loved.
It's ok.
I'm ok.

I also like the sound of the breeze playing with trees. I find that gifts me with much peace and groundedness.

Plum x

 

I would just add that rather than "ignoring the pain", look at it as focusing your attention elsewhere, e.g. on other people, animals, nature, movement, music, an engaging and enjoyable task like creating art, etc. In other words switch your attention from yourself to outside yourself. Engage your mind elsewhere. It takes some practice, but like any skill becomes easier over time.

 

Hi plum,

Thanks for your reply. I have been trying to self sooth more the past few days and I find that it works better then yelling at my brain. One question:
So do you self sooth at the same time you do the somatic tracking?

Thank you!

Sarah

i

 

Hi Ellen,

Thank you for your reply! I find my pain being a lot less when I am with people in a conversation. I can sit for an hour with little pain, but when I am alone and depressed, I can’t think of anything else but the pain and what it will mean for my life. Maybe listening to music or something creatieve would be a good idea. Thank you so much!

 

Yes, I tend to do them together. It can be especially beneficial if our pain thoughts lead us to catastrophise about the future (which yours sound like they do). This experience is especially vivid for me during the few panic attacks I have had in the past. It's astonishing how overwhelming the fear is in those moments yet amazing how quickly the whole thing passes once I started the internal soothing talk. Doing the same thing with pain is a less intense experience (thankfully) but still very effective.

Plum x

 

I really like the

I am safe
I am loved

as someone who never felt loved or safe this was crucial and still is when im living life, wether im walking my dogs or in a group of people I tell my brain I am safe I am like, I have a chat with it, in my head, I say these people like you and respect you, you can relax and be youself and you do not have to worry about what they see or think, only you matter. I have been able to be out socially a few times now and not have anxiety. The same for pain, I sit init, I feel it and I lower my mind to my pain, and relalise its not killing me so im safe!, it calms down most times, if it doesn't then I distract myself with activities, this can be hard work, but when a few hours pass and ive not noticed my symptoms much I know im on the right track.PROOF is all our brains need and your the only one you need to prove it too! I kept telling other people before like I needed their belief, but now I don't tell people what im doing or how I feel, I tell them im on the mend. Ive become more assertive, I don't take shit like I used to and im putting myself first, hard but in time should be natural.
ive also had rapid transformational therapy which has removed many subconscious beliefs so that my brain no longer feel so scared.
I also tell myself I have a great secret lol, even thought we all know about this work, millions would think we are crazy!, there loss! so I see myself getting well and pat myself on the back for this secret information that I believe in.
sorry if I ramble : o