How does one reach the rage?

So, I need help. As some of you know, I have been here for a long time. I am a "severe case" as Sarno would describe. My symptoms follow a normal pattern: they appear at one place, disappear after a few months, move around a lot, follow my mental state, etc.

And my problem is this: my symptoms improve unreliably.

Now what happens is ALWAYS one of two things: either the stressful situation ends, or I get lucky journaling.

In the first situation, I had been having crippling back pain for months from expecting of having to be around some really stressful people (and then being around them), and then my pain lifted literally the day I took a plane away, leaving me pain free for months.

In the second, I get carried away journaling an extremely emotional bit, and then I become pain (and anxiety!) free for a week or two.

But the thing is, I can't bring this on. It feels stuck, and I feel numb, like there's this wall I can't get through even when journaling. I can't reach the rage.

Does anyone have any suggestion?