How has your personality changed?

keep on livin · Sep 12, 2012

This question is for all those who have found success fighting TMS.

Has your personality changed ever since you were able to find relief from TMS?
For example, if you were a people pleaser are you now more assertive in expressing your wants, etc.?

I personally don't identify with Sarno's classic TMS personality type. I'm not a perfectionist or a that much of a people pleaser (though at times I could be more assertive).

Just trying to approach the problem from another perspective.

Thanks.

Lori · Sep 13, 2012

Yes, per Dr. Sarno, personality makes up 1/3 of our TMS issue; 1/3 is childhood issues (that follow us to adulthood) and 1/3 is our everyday stressors.

Perhaps do some more reading or work on the other 2/3 for now?

I am not a people-pleaser but perfectionist fits to some degree. Yes, I have learned to accept some things as "good enough" and not perfect. Too stressful!

veronica73 · Sep 14, 2012

My personality hasn't changed. I'm still uber-perfectionist and kind of a people-pleaser at times but I try to be more compassionate and accepting of myself, even these aspects of myself.

Forest · Sep 16, 2012

I also wouldn't say my personality has changed. However, I have noticed that I have recognized when I'm TMSing and when my personality is feeding the TMS process in some way. And I really think that is part of it. You don't need to change your personality, but you do need to understand and recognize how and when you personality contributes to your symptoms.

There is also a lot of natural change just by gaining introspection that comes with doing the work. There is a gradual process of change as you begin to learn more and more about yourself. TMS psychologist, Bob Evans (who was a contributor in the Divided Mind), made a post on the old forum similar to this. He wrote

The way that I like to view this question is as follows:

We are born with our 'True Nature'; the very basic essence, the beautiful natural core of who we are. In an ideal world, through the natural flow of energy through all aspects of our experience, IE., interpersonal, intrapsychic, spiritual, etc., (Sensations, Images, Behavior, Affect and Meaning - SIBAM) we continue to grow and evolve more and more into this true natural free flowing beautiful self.

Due to environmental stress, 'small' and 'large' traumas, 'attachment' disruptions, Autonomic Nervous System adaptations and the like, over the years, many 'layers' are added to and tend to cover up this natural core. Through the process of growth and change, my experience is that we 'shed' these unnatural, unwanted, negative aspects of 'self' and become more and more that beautiful self that we truly are!

I think some people 'fear' the idea of 'changing our personalities' because our experience of self, of who we ARE, is tied up in and interwoven with those negative aspects. One fear is that we might 'lose' the sense we have of ourselves if we 'change our personalities'. This could not be further from the truth. As we 'shed' the unwanted, unnatural aspects of self we 'picked up along the way', we 'become' more and more who we really are. We do not lose ANY aspect of ourselves that we do not want to lose. And, more good news, This is a natural process. We do not have to work at all at deciphering which parts to keep and which to let go of. Our Autonomic Nervous Systems simply, naturally shed, or in the language of 'Somatic Experiencing', 'discharge' the previously 'stuck' negative energy that was manifested as unwanted aspects of our personality, and thus interfering with the natural flow of who we really are.

Just to 'piggy back' on this theme of fear a bit more;

On a purely physiological level fear can not only create but play a significant role in perpetuating pain cycles and it can manifest on any and all levels of 'SIBAM'. I have my clients do the following experiment in session; Think a negative anxious thought about the near future like, "What if..., (what if I get into pain later) and just simply notice the reaction in the body. You will notice almost global Tension throughout. Now change that thought to a more relaxed, "If I get into pain later, I'll deal with it THEN, not now". Most people will notice, if not full relaxation, at least a significant reduction in the Tension. Let's remember what the first word is in Dr. Sarno's diagnosis, 'T' MS... and since fear and LOVE are incompatible, the more we love (ourselves, others, the world, life, etc.) the less fear we will have, and thus the less pain.
Click to expand...

sewmuch · Oct 13, 2012

My personality has not changed - still intense, driven, worry about things, want things to be right - but my approach has changed. I have learned to accept, let go, or fix it if possible. When problems or challenges arise, I can usually look at it somewhat objectively, look at options, and know that the worst will likely not occur. Hardest is when there is a general feeling of anxiety and tension. This is usually an indicator that I have not been paying attention, been present, spending quiet time, and need to journal, identify and let go. I don't think your personality changes but instead you learn to work with your personality and recognize actions and reactions.

Pandamonium · Oct 14, 2012

I am probably a bit more "selfish" by that I mean I say no to things now that I would have felt I couldn't say no to in the past.
I recognise my personality traits now and don't let the stresses build up like I used to.

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How has your personality changed?

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