Hypervigilance, Eye Visions, Tinnitus and Anxiety

Hello,

I am new to this forum, but started Alan Gordons program over a year ago. I am 29 and from Germany.

I've been dealing with some stress in the past and had a wild range of symptoms. All started with Tinnitus and backpain in 2020 during the pandamic. I went to therapy, ruled out any serious causes and got better with Alan Gordons program. In the last couple of months I started to deal with a lot ongoing stress. I have to search for a new apartment, job and my grandfather died 3 weeks ago. A new set of symptoms started during that time and I am wondering if anyone has the same experiences. I had an awful eye migraine attack in November right before I finished my masters degree. I've had eye migraine a couple of times in my life and it is really scary. I went to the eye doctor and ruled everything out but I am now extremly hypervigilant to light, I get floaters and even got an anxiety attack after looking at my phone. I feel like my symptoms are constantly changing into different ones, from Tinnitus, to backpain and now to eye visions. I honestly don't know how to calm myself and still wonder if it is something neurological or if anxiety and perceived danger can lead to such symptoms. Has anyone a tipp how to get out of this fear circle?

 

Hello @Effie
Your symptoms are often ones that are reported at this forum.
You are sensitive to light and have floaters. Floaters are harmless and many people have them, especially as we get older (mine started about your age). I have many because of thyroid issues (which may also have been TMS) and as I learned to ignore them, they are "gone" (I do not notice them anymore, and if I do they do not scare me). The fact you are dealing with a myriad of symptoms that "move" around tends to lead towards TMS - plus you have had your health checked and you, yourself began to suspect this was mind-body (your finding Alan Gordon).
You are absolutely right that this is a hypervigilant nervous system. There is the perceived danger, as Dan Buglio calls it, and there is also sometimes deeper reasons why our brains keep perceiving danger - emotional and personality reasons.
If you have not read a book by Dr. John Sarno, I suggest you do. It will describe the personalities of people who tend to have mind/body concerns. In his books, he discusses the deeper issues some people have which creates stress: personality, emotions and emotional avoidance or repression often unconscious anger, guilt, shame...a lot of emotions. This is something Alan Gordon and Dan Buglio don't go into as much - and that works just fine for some people. Others need to look a little more inside themselves with a kind compassion to how and why things can become stressful. The Structured Educational Program which is free at this website will take you through the "work" to go a bit deeper emotionally and into calming the nervous system. It takes time and commitment and a kind heart towards yourself. You will notice similarities to Alan Gordon's book - and I suggest whatever you learned from Alan, keep doing that too! It's all good! You can find the SEP by scrolling down the page TMSwiki.org under programs (the other program is pretty much the same as The Way Out).
I know I mentioned morning floaters. What you don't want to ignore is WHY you are so distracted by them with fear and uncertainty and the fact that they are a signal that you are internally dis-regulated now. But it can get better!
Symptoms can come and go as we get stressed at various times in our lives. Keep applying the strategies you have learned! You may get caught for a time thinking they are physical, but you will soon learn the difference and know that when you apply TMS strategies the symptoms fade. It's just TMS and nothing to fear.

 

Thank you for your kind reply! The Floaters, back pain and Tinnitus are all not scary to me, what's been bothering me ist the light sensitivity. I started to be really aware of light, shadows and unpredictable light spots like car lights. It all started after I had an eye migraine, which was really scary to me. It seems like I can't turn my brain off or something.... I will definitely read Sarnos book, I feel like I am someone who is constantly worrying. I also have an autoimmune disease (Hashimoto). I have a theory that it is all connected in a way.

 

Thank you for the book recs. I started reading Claire Weeks a couple of days ago. But I had a rather big setback and now I am questioning if this actually can be TMS. I had two occular migraines yesterday, something I never had that frequently. The first one was during work. After the vision problems were gone (aprox. 30 minutes) I had a tingeling and numbing feeling in my left hand. I had to go to the ER. The neurologist couldn't see anything unnormal, but he suggested a MRI of my brain this or next month (he couldn't do it in the hospital because it is not an emergency). I was really scared, went home and watched some TV to relax. After two hours I got the second occular migraine. I haven't had any occular migraines for years, and now I had three in one month (two of them in one day). Can this be TMS? Why is it getting worse even though I am trying to calm and educate myself? I should be happy with my life, I finished my degree and found a new apartment. But I am fearful and dealing with big emotions and tension all the time. I feel like doctors are scared of me, because they see that I have stress, tension and fears. My parents and friends are worried. Can emotions do such strong physical symptoms? I would love to hear someone with similar eye problems. I am at a point were I am afraid to go to work. I don't want to have an attack during my shift (I do guided tours).

 

I have had many occular symptoms, including mild versions of what you describe.
If you search on our forums you will find many posts with similar reports. https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/search/3316622/?q=Occular+migraines&o=date

It is also very common to get increasing symptoms as you begin to challenge your belief systems as to what is really going on and the idea that these symptoms may be psychological and not physical in nature. Your Dr. has confirmed they are not physical, the sensations just really feel that way.
You are doing well to read Claire Weekes, keep going. Notice the similarities between ideas behind Alan Gordon’s work snd Claire Weekes. Not that they both have had anxiety and physical symptoms they have overcome.
“I should be happy in my life” - “should” I’d a lot of psychological pressure, and denotes a separation between why you don’t actually think you are happy and what you think you should feel for some reason. Why not just feel what you feel?
This is exactly the psychological of TMS. You simply on a journey to find out your true self and what truly brings you joy.
One method to do this is learning to journal, and there are lots of ways to do this. Usually it starts with 3 columns: childhood stressors, current stressors,
Personality traits. I suggest you add two more - one that goes with personality traits that lists the qualities in yourself you like and admire, and a list of things you love which can include people, places, activities, qualities in others, animals, foods, nature, art, music.. anything.
The lists are not static, they can be added to.
Pick a topic and write for 20 minutes. Let it flow. Say anything, but always move towards how you feel emotionally and pause to lean into the physical sensations these emotions create. The idea is to have a space you can be heard and seen to safely unpack everything. You don’t re-read your writing, so it can be scribbles. You can laugh, cry, tantrum, curse, blame, forgive.. anything at all on the pages and then just sit a minute and let it sink in. Just sit and chill with yourself. Then tear up that paper to shreds.
This exercise can be hard. We often struggle to sit the time to journal or have “little” mind body symptoms.. for example every time I sit to write, my ears itch, my glasses seem dirty, I get thirsty or cold, every noise bugs me.. this is my nervous system knowing we are going to take a deep dive. Getting comfy helps a lot: being warm, having water or tea, closing the door - doing whatever to get in the mood.
This is a place to begin exploring the fears and big emotions safely and not worry what anyone else thinks. You now know your symptoms come and go. Occular migraines may come, but you can handle it -you already have. They can not hurt you, they just scare you. Claire Weekes has excellent advice on learning to allow yourself to feel the sensations of fear and know you are ok.
Drs most likely know anxiety is playing a part or causing your symptoms but are not trained to help you with this. You are learning to help yourself, and doing ok with it. Keep going. It takes time and patience with the process.

 

Ringing in the ears and sensitivity to light are common symptoms of migraine. I hope you get better soon and find an approach that works for you. Good luck. Sorry for your loss. Death of loved ones sure sucks. Dana.

 

I wanted to do a little update: I calmed myself and my migraines went away and my sensitivity to light improved. I went to a neurologist to get my brain checked for the visual migraines (just in case) and everything is fine, but they found some tiny little dots on the MRI from those migraines (even though I only had four in the last couple of years). My doctor said not to worry and to monitor my blood pressure. But now I am worried that I am at a higher risk to get a stroke due to those eye migraines. It seems like those are more harmful than normal migraines. Has anyone had any experiences with brain scans? I had a brain scan three years ago without any results, which means those dots appeared after I had so many TMS symptoms. Do you thing there is a connection?

 

“My doctor said not to worry”

 

Thank you so much. My BP is currently okay, it is not too high, but I really need to calm down and lose some weight. Sometimes my BP spikes, for example during doctor's appointments or phases of worry, but it always calms down at home. My mother has high blood pressure, so I am aware that I have to monitor it from time to time. I feel like rummination is a big part of my problem. It seems like I am in a loop or something. Especially when it is something about my health. It is really hard for me to accept that I worried so much in the past that it actually shows on my brain scans. I want to use those results as an opportunity to change my behaviour. I can't control a lot of outside factors in life, but I can learn to practise some calming techniques and do some inner work. I just really hope that my visual problems (like visual snow/floaters, eye migraine) will improve over time. I am only 29 and I feel like I spent most of my 20s worrying about things that never happened. I want to have joy in life and concentrate on the good stuff. I don't want to live in fear of a possible disease as if worrying about it will keep me safe from getting it. I am really thankful that I have found this forum and the TMS approach.