I Have TMS and Need Help!

Hey all, I'm new here. Well, I think I came around maybe 3 years ago but very briefly and couldn't understand the idea of mind-body medicine. I am 26 years old and have been suffering from chronic pain, what is called fibromyalgia, since I was 13 years old. 13 years!! My entire life has revolved around fear, and what Dr. Sarno says is "goodism". I am a goodist to the extreme, to the point of hurting my qualify of life. I have pain in all mostly all joints, TMJ, tension headache, and all that stuff. Like most all of you, I have seen over 10 doctors and spent thousands in treatment, mostly not going anywhere. I have seen multiple counselors. I have a constant tightness in my stomach of anxiety and am clear that this is causing the pain, as when the stomach tightness and anxiety/fear began, the pain began. I hold all of that in of course and struggle to get through the days, previously hoping for a miracle pill or something like that.

I'm just going to begin from the starting point as the beginning is probably very important. When I was 12 or 13, I was probably one of the first victims of cyber bullying. It was not major, but it was just some anonymous person who I later found out who it was, kids from a neighbor school, telling me I sucked and they didn't like me. I was better than them at sports. For whatever reason, this made me very depressed for like 3 months. My personality is that I don't want anyone to dislike me, or at least was. There really was no resolution. That was in December, and in March I became sick with an auto-immune blood disorder, ITP, which basically means you bruise easily. I am convinced this was caused by my emotions and feeling crappy to take my mind off of the bullying issue.

Then as a treatment I took corticosteroids, which really messed me up. This is when the physical pains began. All of my joints began hurting. I see some doctors and nothing comes up. I fear the worst. Me being me, I check the Internet and boom, taking corticosteroids can result in Avascular Necrosis, joints dying. I thought I had this awful disease for most of my high school life, or at least some other crazy illness. Thinking that and not letting it out messes you up. I was actually quite good at basketball, was first team all state, and had a scholarship for basketball in college. Confusing that I could play basketball but have a serious joint problem, right? Anyways, my plan was to get to college, bring up the joint pains, find out I have some kind of physical problem, be called a hero or tough guy for playing with it, and move on. BUT, MRI and x=ray and you name it showed nothing. After this, I became a huge introvert, drank, became a gambling addict, and have been wrestling with the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia for the past 5 or 6 years. Don't get me wrong, I think I have good qualities, but repressing and supressing emotions does not make it easy for the good qualities to come out.

I am going to stop there, but just want you to know I appreciate you reading, I fit Dr. Sarno's description to a T, and I want to get better. I am afraid of revealing my true self, or talking about my feelings, or even writing my feelings, because I am embarrassed what other people would think if they found about my past or how I really feel or who I am. I can't express myself and I feel emotionally challenged. I have days or weekends where I don't even talk to anyone or go outside. I know I need to get emotional but I haven't for 14 years and it is difficult. Help me please !!

 

I did want to add one more thing:

I really began to believe in TMS, and this may be more for me to put this in writing, when I dealt with severe TMJ. I had a constant 8 pain level on scale of 1-10. I saw the top TMJ therapist, a great guy, which did not help much. Ultrasound helped temporarily. Then, I saw the best TMJ surgeon in the area, and MRI revealed no to little damage.

When I had been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I did a lot of research (OCD), and found that their are programs for kids with Fibro diagnosis that basically they exercise and talk their way out of it

http://www.chop.edu/centers-programs/center-amplified-musculoskeletal-pain-syndrome#.VOSxhSw4jUQ

It is basically a diagnosis of TMS and the treatment Dr. Sarno recommends, just in different wording.

 

Hang in there buddy, your deeper self is wanting to be known. I would start by reading healing back pain, divided mind, and then great pain deception. Gather knowledge and try not to be so hard on yourself. You are where you are supposed to be in life. We all make mistakes and it's ok, we are human beings.

If possible maybe try to go to a tms doctor or see a tms therapists to help you with your fears. Look on the homepage of this Web site for a lists of tms docs and therapists. I'm no doctor, but I would say you have tms. Stop researching online frantically trying to find what's wrong with you. Your ok physically, it's your mind that needs healing.

Wishing you the best of luck, hang in there. Tough times like this will make you stronger. You can heal and be thankful You have come to the right place. We are what we believe.

Ryan

 

jju88,

You express yourself very well. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

I had fibromyalgia for 20 years and am now pain free using TMS mindbody approaches. If I can recover, you certainly can.

@ryan9546 has given you great advice on how to get started on the road to TMS recovery. You may also want to try the Structured Educational Program (SEP) that is free on this site.

Welcome to the Forum! Keep us posted on how you're doing, and feel free to ask for support at anytime. We are all here to support one another.

 

Hi jju88!
I am new here, so am not the voice of experience. However I can relate your words about revealing your feelings to others. I posted along those lines briefly on the sep subforum yesterday.

Being honest with ourselves and others about our emotions can be scary! This is a safe place to do so, everyone is kind and supportive. Journaling about something first and reading it aloud to yourself might make it easier to then post.

Glad you are here! We are beginning at a great place!

 

So I read a lot today. My supressed emotions seem to be causing everything. I'm not sure where to begin. I know one emotion I have right now is: guilt

3 or 4 years ago I was prescribed the stimulant Vyvanse and abused it. I even stole some from my sister. I did apologize to her. I was prescribed it for energy as I was constantly low and depressed

Flash forward to last week, and I was prescribed Adderall. The psychiatrist at the pain clinic asked if I had addiciton issues in the past, I lied even though I have had addictions with medicine, gambling, and a bit of alcohol. I feel guilt for this and for the fact that I know this could hurt me. I just wanted to feel better with the hope of a medicine.

So I am aware of that, now how to get RID of that.

Also, worry and fear about credit card debt. Medical bills. My job. etc. etc.

I actually just talked to a girl I have been dating for about a month for 70 minutes talking about TMS, my medical history, my stresses, and feelings. I wanted to be honest and open with her.That is the longest I have talked to someone in such a long time, especially with meaning and substance. I feel like a load has been lifted off of my shoulders! The best thing is she didn't judge me, which is my constant worry as a "goodist". I think this will give me a push to continue letting my feelings out, although dealing with 13 years of suppression will be a challenge. Chalk a win up for battling TMS