I was doing so well until I wasn't

Hey everyone. I have had some form of TMS for over 30 years. So many symptoms moving around from one spot to the next. In 2022 I got scared by a neck MRI and COVID (didn't we all). I ended up getting the surgery (didn't know about TMS until 2023). When I had the MRI and got scared I had issues dropping things from my hands, brain fog, and stumbling over words. I have been doing pretty well at managing the symptoms with Pain free you, books, and trying to tell myself I am okay. Lately however I started to get the dropping things, stumbling over words, and brain fog just like when I had the surgery. There is something that gets me so scared when the symptoms are neurological in nature. By the way, I had every test under the sun in 2022 and they were all fine. How do I convince myself that these new symptoms aren't something nefarious? Thank you for any help!

 

Hi @microstar22
Welcome!
You mention the good things you are trying to help you manage your symptoms, as well as mentioning your fear (of symptoms and Covid). That means you have a good grasp on some of the things at play with TMS, and you've had some success!

I have a few questions to ask you, which will also help in further understanding where you are at:

Is one of the books you read by Dr. Sarno? Sarno's approach differs quite vastly in some areas to Dan Buglio's - and it's good to have the original knowledge foundation so you can make choices of how you want to move forward.

What works for awhile, may need to be tweaked at times, this is pretty normal with TMS.

Great message I have gotten from Dan Buglio: Don't freak out!

 

Hi Cactusflower! Yes, the very first TMS book I read was Healing back pain. I have also read the Divided mind. In addition I have read all of the books by the doctors on here.

 

Hi @microstar22
My gosh, we are long lost cousins (minus the surgery). I’ve had TMS for 3o years, and I have neurological symptoms. I can TOTALLY relate to being afraid of them. It’s scary! It has taken me about 6 months on this wiki and steady education about TMS on a daily basis to slowly convince my mind I have TMS. The 3 big things that helped convince me the most were:
—Reading Success Stories on this wiki
—Reading posts on the wiki and seeing answers given
—Making a list of inconsistencies and using them to refute my fears.

These inconsistencies are things that just don’t add up. For example, why would I have had about 10 different symptoms spanning a 30 year period—And have some of them go away, then come back? Why do my symptoms flare up when I’m angry? Why did I get a bunch of new symptoms right when I finally got Covid, of which I was terrified to get. Why do my symptoms switch sides depending on the day? You get the idea. I’m sure if you think about it, you can come up with some.

You really have to stop googling or thinking about your condition as a medical problem. It’s an emotional problem. You have anxiety — like Dan Buglio says. And, you probably have rage. Your TMS brain LOVES you to think medically, because then you won’t think about your issues. Just work on believing that. It will come. The success stories are good for that. There isn’t a thing that TMS can’t do, symptom-wise. And the more you fear it, the more likely you’ll get it.

When I read Healing Back Pain by Dr. Sarno I wholeheartedly believed it. And I knew I would never believe a back ache would be anything but TMS after that. Voila, I never have gotten a back ache since. But my mother had MS when I was growing up, and my symptoms have tried so hard to mimic that. I was terrified for awhile.

Just hang in there. Keep working it. You’re going to come out the other side. Have you thought about doing the free class on this wiki? The Structured Educational Program (SEP)? https://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Structured_Educational_Program (Structured Educational Program)
It has really helped a lot of people.

 

Thank you so much for your help cousin Diana! I really appreciate the kind words and encouragement. I have tried the sep, but I was not consistent with it. Consistency is a constant struggle in many areas actually. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer earlier this year and that poured gas on the fire I believe. I will try to be more consistent with the work and the mindset.

 

“And, you probably have rage.”

This is Sarno, and it’s where Dan Buglio is so different from Sarno. Focus on the things Sarno instructs you to do.. focus on the psychological - not just around symptoms but around life in general. Look at the internal stressors you generate around your thoughts, personality traits, life experiences. You’ll begin to discover where subconscious anger might fester along with other emotions that you tend to find hard to face. Great fodder for journaling.
Recognize that your difficulty in being consistent may be resistance. Don’t beat yourself up over it but work on sticking to things that help you: see how you are worthy of the investment!

 

@microstar22
I’m so sorry for your loss! This would be the best topic to journal on. Probably layers and layers of feelings there. Look for what you think you’re not allowed to think or feel — or what you’re just plain avoiding. Lots to uncover that your symptoms are hoping to distract you from. You’re right, consistency helps. But so does giving yourself the kindness and patience you deserve.

 

On fear:

https://defeatcrps.com/blogs/tamaras-blog/#100_percent (Tamara’s Blog)

 

Thank you, Tamara! LOVE this!!! I want to read it every day! I really know from past experience that finally ignoring symptoms and getting rid of fear does work. This has been my pattern for years. But this time around, my symptoms are so widespread and I’ve lost mobility—so I got afraid of it.

But now, I’m just on the very edge of ever caring if I lose these symptoms at all. I just want to do all the things I do in this state without judging myself for having the symptoms. Or without wishing life were different. It’s the negative feelings associated with my TMS that makes me most miserable. If I were cheerful about everything, I’d be happy. So there you go!