Is health anxiety my trigger or underlying cause?

I am hoping someone with more TMS insight might be able to help me with working on what feelings I need to address. All of my physical manifestations over the past 4 years have all been triggered by health anxiety scares.

Once my tests cleared me of any health issues I was able to get abck to normal until the next issue. This go around I have developed anxiety that is not going away as easily.

In learning TMS, I know that each health scare created physical pain and I know it all left once my mind was clear. I think this go around my mind wants me to address the real issue.

I just can't figure out if the health anxiety is the cause or trigger. Am I afriad of death, leaving my faily alone without me? Or is that simply just a trigger that allows deeply repressed emotions out.

For example, my mother has been a really bad mother to me and my whole life I yearned for her to change. I tried to change her from her gossiping ways. She never calls or comes to see me and only calls to complain about her life.

Maybe she is the repressed stress. Sure, it makes me sad but I ahve come to accept that she is who she is and it won't change. What do I need to do further....express my feelinsg to her?

I can think through a bunch of items from my past that are not ideal but how to you really focus in on the issue that you need to focus in on?

My TMS was pain focused only in my leg until I started taking sleeping pills for my Insomnia. I recall thinking that the pills made me feel funny becuase I knew they were classified as an old school antidepressant. I hate the thought of being medicated. Maybe my head sensation and anxiety are linked to my fear of the pills I am taking.

 

Hi Pingman,

I'll go ahead and weigh in on this one. I've come to understand that physical TMS symptoms and anxiety are similar in that they both serve to distract us from our repressed emotions. So whether we are distracted by pain or some other physical symptom, or whether we are distracted by the fear of symptoms isn't really the important issue in my opinion. What is important is to get in touch with your repressed emotions and their role in your anxiety and physical symptoms. I don't think it's necessary to express these emotions to someone else, but to allow yourself to actually feel them--experience them in your body. Once acknowledged and felt, the emotions no longer need to be feared. For me what has helped me with this process is using a structured program like the SEP on this site or Schubiner's Unlearn Your Pain. If you are finding it too difficult to do on your own, then I suggest looking into having the assistance of a therapist who is trained in TMS. The Forum is a great place to obtain support, but the in-depth personal exploration is something one has to just commit to spend time doing. It is well worth the time and energy.

Best wishes to you on this healing journey....

 

Hi, Pingman. You've learned that your pains are not structural so they are TMS, repressed emotions,
and between your mother and anxiety about your mortality and leaving your loved ones without support
and two biggies.

First, your mother. She reminds me of mine. She never wanted to hear about my life, just wanted me to
listen to her talk about hers. That amounted to listening when she would tell me she got a new pot to cook in.
But when I told her I just sold a book, she only said, "That's nice." I rarely called her out on a reply like that,
but couldn't help it that time. I said getting a book published was like climbing a mountain on your knees.
She replied, "Well, we (the rest of the family) doesn't understand what you're doing." I could never get her to
understand I was as self-employed writer.

I doubt you can ever change your mother so she isn't so into herself. Just hold the phone away from your ear
when she calls, and every so often say, "Yeah." I did that with my mom until she died at age 94. I have to do
the same thing with a boss I've worked for for years. He's a book publisher and all into himself.

As for mortality, I really never thought about it until I turned 80, three years ago. I vaguely knew it was going
to happen some day, and even to me. I found some good advice on the internet from some great minds and
how they looked at the subject. I'm going to look for that in my files and send it to you and also as a new thread
called LIVE FOR NOW. It's all part of living in the present, not the future or past.

You won't change your mother, so try tuning her out and after her call, LAUGH.

You can't do anything about mortality, so do what I'm doing and try to live with it. Believe it's not going to
happen today or tomorrow, and live life to the fullest today.

I'll send those thoughts on mortality in the next email very shortly.

 

Here's my Live for Now

Here, then, are some of the words on our mortality from a wide range of men and women and books throughout the years. I think they also can be applied to any symptom from TMS.


“I thank my God for graciously granting me the opportunity of learning that death is the key which unlocks the door to our true happiness” – Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756-1791) Austrian composer.


“For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.” – Johnny Carson (1925-2005) American television host, comedian.


“The years seem to rush by now, and I think of death as a fast approaching end of a journey – double and treble the reason for loving as well as working while it is day.” – George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans) (1819-1880) British novelist.


“Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.” -- Woody Allen (1935- ), American movie writer, actor, director.


“Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you’re scared to death.” -- Earl Wilson (1907-1987) American author, journalist.


“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” – Marcus Aurelius (121-169 BC) Roman emperor.


“The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.” -- Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist, actor.


“It is better to spend one day contemplating the birth and death of all thing than a hundred year never contemplating beginnings and endings.” – Gautama Buddha (563-483 BC) Indian founder of Buddhism.


“According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” – Jerry Seinfeld

(1954- ). American actor.


“Death is the beginning, the birth of births, a rebirth, a second chance to fix all mistakes, Death is the beginning.” – Marc Lampe (dates unknown, author).


“Death is but the next great adventure” – J.K. Rowling (1965- ) British author.


“Fear of death increases in exact proportion to increase in wealth.” – Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) American author.


“I look upon death to be as necessary to our health as sleep. We shall rise refreshed in the morning.” – Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) American patriot, author, printer, inventor.


“Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.” – Socrates (469-399 BC) Greek philosopher.


“I have good hope that there is something after death.” – Plato (424-348 BC) Greek philosopher.




“Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies or the cost of their funeral.” – Francois-Marie Voltaire (1694-1778) French philosopher, writer.


“If you brood about disaster, you will get it. Brood about death and you hasten your demise. Think positively and masterfully, with confidence and faith, and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action, richer in achievement and experience.” – Swami Vivekananda (1863-1902) Indian philosopher, yoga teacher.


“Once you accept your own death, all of a sudden you’re free to live.” – Saul Alinsky (1909-1972) American writer, community advocate organizer.


“Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life.” – Albert Einstein (1879-1955) German theoretical physicist.


“I am not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen.


“She did but dream of heaven and she was there.” – John Dryden (1631-1700) British poet.


“Remember that you have only one soul; that you have only one death to die; that you have only one life… If you do this, there will be many things about which you care nothing.” – St. Teresa of Avila (1515-1582) Spanish Carmelite nun.


“Death, the last voyage, the longest, and the best.” – Thomas Wolfe (1900-1938) American author.


“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” -- The Holy Bible.


“For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” -- The Holy Bible, Romans 6:23.



“Wither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God; where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried; the Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me.” – The Holy Bible.


“In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism.” – Hannah Arendt (1906-1975) German-American philosopher.


“We sometimes congratulate ourselves at the moment of waking from a troubled dream; it may be so the moment after death.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804-1864) American novelist.


“Most women do not grieve so much for the death of their lovers for love’s-sake, as to show they were worthy of being loved.” – Francois La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French author.


“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” – Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948), Indian philosopher, nonviolent independence leader.



“There is no death, only transition. Knowing that we are

spirit incarnated on Earth to discover our true self throughout physical form, and knowing that Spirit does not die, then we can understand that death is nothing to fear because it is then really only a transition and a ‘return to home.’” – Deepak Chopra (1946- ) Indian-American physician, holistic health advocate.

“Death – the last sleep? No, it is the final awakening.” – Sir Walter Scott (1771-1982) Scottish novelist.


“Death is nothing else but going home to God, the bond

of love will be unbroken for all eternity.” – Mother Teresa (1910-1997) Albanian Roman Catholic nun, servant of the poor and destitute.


“I believe there are two sides to the phenomenon known as death, this side where we live, and the other side when we shall continue to live. Eternity does not start with death. We are in eternity now.” – Rev. Norman Vincent Peale (1898-1993) American minister and self-help author.




“Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death they would be asked two questions, and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife. The first question was, ‘Did you bring joy?’ The second was, ‘Did you find joy?’” – Leo Buscaglia (1924-1998) American author, educator.


“As a well spent day brings sleep, so life well used brings happy death.” – Leonardo DaVinci (1452-1519) Italian painter, sculptor, architect, inventor.


“No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.” – Groucho Marx (1890-1977) American comedian, actor.


“You live on Earth only for a few short years which you call an incarnation, and then you leave your body as an outworn dress and go for refreshment to your true home in the spirit.” – White Eagle (1840-1914) Native American Ponca Indian chief.

“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, and beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.” – Tecumseh (1768-1813) Native American Shawnee Indian chief.


“I intend to live forever – or die trying.” (Groucho Marx).


“Be calm. God waits you at the door.” – Gabriel Garcia Marquez – (1927- ) Colombian novelist.


“Nothing can happen more beautiful than death.” – Walt Whitman (1819-1881) American author, poet.

“Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.” – John Wayne (1907-1979) American actor.


My favorite and most comforting thoughts on accepting my own mortality come from Irish writer C.S. Lewis (Clive Staples Lewis, 1898-1963) who said, “Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.”




That’s what I call wisdom, and acceptance. More on Lewis in my chapter on faith.

My own conclusion and advice to myself: If you believe in God, you should not fear death; you should welcome it.

I’m trying to take my own advice, and that of Buddha, whose philosophy on death could be the best one on life -- living our lives emotionally, spiritually, and physically without pain:

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”

I’ve also wondered, even worried, about whether I’ll see my beloved doggies in heaven. Martin Luther (1483-1546) assured us our canine and feline and other pet friends will join us there when he wrote: “Be thou comforted, little dog, Thou too in Resurrection shall have a little golden tail.”

To close this chapter, Billy Graham gives us some comforting thoughts on our mortality: “I’ve read the last page of The Bible. It’s going to turn out all right.”

 

Thanks Ellen and Walt for the replies. Walt, our mothers sound exactly alike. Like you, I mainly just sit there and say yeah, yeah, yeah like you said but sometimes she gets me revved up and I yell at her becuase I can't understand how someone wants to live in the world of gossip and gratification of the pain of others like she does.

I need to stop doing that...I probably need to just tell her i am going to hang up if she doesnt stop it.

The fear of death is not something I typically ponder except when my health scares pop up. Right away I start reflecting on my son and wife. What I need to start doing is recognizing that I am 36, my blood work is spotless and I had a clean MRI. I will probably live another 50 years.

I have started the SEP and will continue to see my therapist who is coming from the Mind/Body approach. I have so many avenues that could be the cause of my anxiety I am unsure where to zero in on. Hopefully the SEP will help.

 

Pingman, you're looking at things the right way.
But I wouldn't tell your mom you don't want to listen to her gossip and pain of others. Just listen for a few minutes and then say someone's at the door and you're expecting visitors. She may get the hint after you try that a few times.

You're young and healthy, so try living in the present and not worry about future pain or mortality.

Have you done any journaling? That's where I found my repressed emotions, and there were lots of them.

 

Walt, I haven't gotten into the journaling yet. I think I need to try this. I think before now I hadn't bought into TMS 100%. I am now at 100%.