Just took a stroll around the block

So yesterday night --like 1 am -- i mustered up the courage to go outside again. Its been a while and it was always hard to decide when to go. I can only ride my bicycle with double ear pro but id be bouncing constantly and i cant walk outside with double ear pro because of similar issues. I live right next to an airport and right underneath a flight path (at like 1000 ft above my head), all this wildly complicates every single action i take. These planes dont fly after 11 pm so thats my time slot. Its also just way too busy on the streets during daytime.

So -- i just went outside with my ear plugs in and my earmuffs in my hands and it went... alright?? I just took a short walk, no cars no planes so nothing crazy, but it felt amazing. So i went to bed after and found myself lying awake for hours again just like these past few days (something something symptom imperative, or so i tell myself). I'll be taking another walk tonight, see if i can make a habit out of this.

I'm so filled to the brim with determination. I feel this incredible fire inside of me. I have been visualizing and day dreaming about how my life will look in 3-6 months. I know i shouldnt get too carried away because God knows how many set backs i have left but im doing good. You have no idea how nice it feels to just take a 10 min walk after rotting in the attic for months.

Its hard to say what did it. I like to think the stars just aligned with meds, journaling, meditating and just general self compassion.

I never like to celebrate things too early because im nowhere near the end but I also think I should acknowledge the little wins. The biggest win was finally creating an account on this forum.

Let us see folks. I'm as determined as ever, in part thanks to all the sweet folks for being here thru the lesser and better times. After continually getting worse these last 15 months, this is my first victory. That I may keep fighting and win once more.

Much love <3