Long time tms sufferer curious about new / old issue with eyes

I have had a million tms issues. I even made a success story post recently so its no surprise im having yet another controversial health issue but as usual, a little encouragement or reality check is always a helpful step for me.

I have had various eye issues for a while. Starting with blurriness, astigmatism and eye floaters which I considered primarily physical in nature but ive heard that they can also be driven emotionally.

The issues really started coming up when I had a habit of smoking weed and playing videos games after my computer work.. really pushing my eyes every day and not blinking much. I grew a vein in one of my eye balls and it would get bloodshot and sting and get dry if I pushed it too many hours.

I took it easy for a while after that.

After some time, a number of months, I got into a new relationship and my eyes were stinging within seconds of looking at a phone or screen of any kinds. It would sting for a long time and my health anxiety would go crazy. My eyes would be dry and sticky. I went to see a dry eye doctor and she said I have dry eye syndrome which is basically where some part of the oil and lubricant system is messing up. We did some treatments and things improved a bit. Im making it sounds procedural and mild but the suffering and fear was intense. I was deeply anxious and depressed and had to try and figure out how to entertain myself without screens or eyeballs bc they would all make things worse for me. It was pretty horrible.

Some of the weird things to note is that it started with one eye which was the veiny eye, moved to the other eye after a while and it would sort of alternate. It also became pain like a headache behind my eyes at times which I notice flares up when I meditate into my anxiety so I know its partially TMS at least with the achiness.

There was a bit of time recently where I was happy and gaming with my gf and for the first time in a long time I had no issues at all with my eyes but then the stress comes back into my life after our travels settle down and the stinging returns.

The stinging and dryness does line up with excessive screen use but its not guaranteed and I cant nail down the trigger conditions other than excessive use.

I do have a lot of negative emotions around my eyes and screens.

I have been using my eyes and screens regardless trying to show it im not scared. I have also been doing plenty of journaling and meditation.

So, can someone tell me its psychosomatic so I can feel less stuck with this pretty persistent and scary limitation?

 

You already understand the cycle of "is it physical?" that people like us go through. Doctor says it is real and also, it shouldn't be problematic the way it is. Enough said right? Yes screen abuse is there. Yes mental abuse is there. My eyes are fine. I do a ton of somatic tracking and journaling. Meditation. Trying to do "the work" and thats where it gets a bit discouraging. Im going back through Alan's course and its helping.

An interesting anecdote that I like remembering is through the work i've done with somatic tricking and self talk doing parts work. I can watch in real time when my core anxiety gets triggered and the orchestra of physical symptoms that fire off in an attempt to either distract, harm me, cope. Whatever the real reason for it is, its made very obvious

Thanks for pointing out the obvious I keep overriding in my head. You're always a reliable support

 

My suggestion is to drop the somatic tracking. When symptoms and symptom imperatives re-occur, I think it’s a great opportunity to re-assess what is and is not working for us, and to further assess the circumstance of our symptoms. It's not just psychosomatic symptoms you are expressing here that are physical, you are also discussing thought and mindset patterns of anxiety.
And with any TMS symptom you need to do the work consistently to work on the OCD like thought patterns that keep you in worry and focus on the symptom.
You will need to work on the anxiety - Claire Weekes books teach you how to deal with anxiety and the thought patterns and mindset that create the symptoms.
You’ll need to look at how you “hear” what your medical providers say, and think about your stress patterns. Don’t meditate or focus on any certain body parts if you begin to notice it will trigger TMS anxieties - Somatic Tracing is a tool that doesn’t work for everyone. If your brain uses it to focus in on the symptom, and not the emotion surrounding the symptom, then drop it. It will prolong your hyper focus.
Instead, why not take a break to close your eyes and just breathe a few times a day, asking yourself how you are feeling.

 

This should tell you everything you need to know.

Also if meditating or somatic tracking doesn't work for you then drop it. You're just further angering yourself because other people are telling you to do it, except it's not working for you. There's many people who didn't do either of those things and are on the other side of TMS.

I've noticed that the people who have gotten better are the ones that stopped desperately trying to heal or do this the right way.

Best of luck.