Major Setback

I woke up this morning around 6am to a migraine. That makes the 3rd migraines I've had in the last 3 months. I got them a lot when I was a teenager but they basically went away when I got older. I only had 1 migraine throughout the whole decade of my 20's. I'm at a loss now. I feel super stressed about my living situation, my band, I feel lonely constantly, I have about $1500 in debt, I need to move out but I need to come up with another $1500-$2000 to make that happen, I need new drum cases and new cymbals (another $1500). I just don't know what to do. I'm seriously thinking about completely abandoning my life right now. Either moving out of the city back into my mom's house or committing suicide. I can't handle this any more. I can't be in fear of pain or migraines anymore. I don't know what to do.

 

Hi again BamBam,

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I also suffer from migraines and know how horrible they are.

Is it possible for you to move to your moms house? I think that would be a good idea.

Don't give up.

//Simplicity

 

It is possible to move to my mom's house but that would mean completely abondoning my life and career. My mom lives in a small town about 80 miles from Portland, OR. I wouldn't be able to make a living as a musician there and I would be away from all my friends. It would also feel pretty depressing to be living at my mom's house at age 34.

 

I'm so sorry that you're feeling despondent. You're not the 1st and won't be the last, but please hang in there.

If it makes you feel any better, I moved in with my parents for a couple of months (age 35) during my 1st "episode". My Mom even drove me to and from work (1 1/2 hours each way). I actually enjoyed it! You just have to look at it as time to rest and heal. And your Mom would probably be over the moon to have you around.

 

Unless you have a difficult relationship with your mom, it might be a good idea for you to move back. You hate your current living arrangements so it gets you out of that. You won't need to worry about replacing cymbals etc if you are not playing so financial stress is slightly reduced. Maybe focus on fighting your TMS then maybe find a different band? You have some real issues with your current band member and it might not be a horrible idea to let it go. Obviously I only know of you and your situation what I've read on here so if I'm out of line just ignore me.

 

So a friend said something very profound to me yesterday-
"What would happen if you were to stop trying to fix it, and were able to accept yourself in THIS moment, right now, exactly how you feel -- Overwhelmed, sad, frustrated, anxious, scared, angry, and were able to have compassion for yourself?"
To me this totally makes sense and seems exactly in line with TMS theory. I created a viscous cycle of pressure by focusing on trying to escape my situation instead actually first feeling the emotions that accompany it. It kinda blew my mind.

 

Hi, BamBam. I think you are onto it now. Living in the present moment has been the answer for many of us with TMS.

I recently have spent months worrying about something but it never happened. What a waste of mental energy. If I had lived in the present, I would have been a lot more relaxed and happy.

 

That is a wise friend. This is the essence of TMS recovery. Acceptance and compassion. You've got it.