My first breakthrough

I am up to day 34 of the sep. I have had good and bad days but yesterday I had a breakthrough. I was doing my daily (mostly) walk and I noticed a lady about 50 metres ahead of me walking her dog. She suddenly stopped walking and began stroking her dog. I immediately started to feel angry because I knew that I would now have to walk past her and say hello. Big deal you might say, but I did not want to acknowledge this stranger with a greeting. How weird. It sounds trivial, but instead of trying to suppress the anger and prepare myself to be convivial, I allowed myself to feel the anger and I was able to do just that. I actually felt the anger. This was a monumental breakthrough for me. I really felt the anger, which was obviously displaced. I proceeded to walk past the lady and her dog and we exchanged greetings. Immediately the stomach pain I had been experiencing relentlessly for several weeks vanished and I have been pain free for a whole day. I managed to think about and feel an emotion for the first time. I had to share this. I am very excited. As I write this I am pain free!!

 

Congratulations Kev! I understand and can relate to not wanting to acknowledge a stranger. I have felt that way many times and I know i've scolded myself for that feeling.

I am also trying to feel my emotions more. I've noticed I will feel angry when my kids are very needy or around dinner time when everyone needs something. I've been trying to remember to feel those feelings when they come. I think I am so used to stuffing them down or scolding myself for that feeling.

Thanks for sharing your breakthrough. Blessings for continued recovery!

 

Kev, you sure did experience a major breakthrough, feeling your anger. It worked for you and it can work for everyone.

 

Here's some good "how to" on feeling our emotions:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amie-valpone/healthy-emotions_b_4856069.html

 

I love this Kev, You are truly winning. You thought about it and worked on it to the point that you actually knew the reaction was there and you accepted it as it was, by feeling the emotion. Then you received the award. I am humbled to read this my friend. This is simply Awesome.....

 

Well done, Kev. You noticed feelings you would normally repress and gave yourself permission to really feel those feelings.

I have noticed a similar response when I am out walking my dog. In fact your post really touched a raw nerve so I had to consider why. I feel very isolated and lonely but worry about contact with others, especially people I don’t really know. Experiences such as this don’t exactly help: A new family moved in a few doors away from me last year. Mother, father and two children. I wanted to welcome them. I said hello to the mother the first time I passed her house. My greeting was not reciprocated and since then this woman walks past me as if I am invisible.

When I do stop and say hello to people I meet while out walking, the meeting is generally brief. I often have time for a chat but others appear in a rush to get on with their day. So I find myself avoiding people so I can avoid my feelings, specifically the feeling of rejection. I grew up in a home where one parent was unreliable, loving one minute and flying into a fit of rage over nothing the next. The other parent was cold and detached, never displaying any emotion. So when I see a person coming down the road who I could potentially exchange a few words with, my primitive brain calls up those early feelings of rejection, ones that are no longer appropriate nor serving me in any way.

 

Strangers...oh goodness, it makes me furious when I'm at the park with my daughter and dads of other children try to start a conversation with me, I wear dark sun glasses and a hat, when I'm on my daily walk I pretend to talk on the fone whenever I pass a stranger. For me it's extreemly hard I think because of my background as an acrobat and being on stage, judged or even admired. I had to perform with a smile on myface while pushing my body beyond its limits, 12 years of this and my inner child has had enough lol now days I want to hide from the world and be left alone. But I have started practicing compassion towards others and trying to relax. The reality is that just like myself everyone is dealing with their own life, issues, anxieties etc...when we encounter a stranger or any uncomfortable situation it usually passes fast...

 

This reminds me of Greta Garbo who said she was misquoted.
She said she didn't say "I want to be alone." She said "I want to be left alone."

There's nothing wrong with being in a park and wanting to be alone with your daughter or yourself.
People ought to respect that.