My first post, thoughts?

Hi all. I’ve been reading the posts on here on and off for a few years but this is my first time posting. I was resisting as I felt i needed to word it “right” (perfectionism) however I’m biting the bullet so here goes.
@balto story was one of the first that I read a few years ago and I remember crying with identification of the list of his symptoms.

I believe I’ve suffered from TMS for a long time. The following list of symptoms, some I don’t suffer with anymore, some I do, and some come and go mainly of their own accord ....

-Sore knees when sitting on floor cross-legged before the age of around 8
-Ear infections
-Headaches
-anorexia at 12 years old
-severe OCD
-depression
-plantar fasciitis
-pain/aches in big toe, ankle, knees, hip, groin, elbows, ribs, shoulder blades, shoulder, neck, lower,middle,upper back, eyes, wrists, hands, fingers (little finger joint goes red)
-IBS
-cyst on my left ovary
-umbilical hernia
-teeth grinding in my sleep
-fatigue
-eye twitches
-cold hands and feet
-frequent urination
-scalp pain
-hair loss
-excessive hair growth in other areas
-skin issues
-premature ageing
-under eating, binge eating
-anxiety
-fast heart rate
-wired nervous system
-stuck in fight, flight, freeze
I’m sure there’s more but Im guessing you get the picture!

Injuries
-broken left wrist twice (was told it will always be weak)
-rolled my right ankle
-twisted my left knee
-fell on my left hip and left hand
-fell hard on coccyx whilst snowboarding

Diagnosis
-tendinitis in left hip (MRI) (diagnosed before I fell on it)
-sacroiliac joint disfunction
-mildly twisted pelvis
-one leg longer than the other
-plantar fasciitis
-bone bruise left hand (MRI)
-possible PCOS
-Osteopenia (Dexa scan)
-Female pattern baldness
-dermoid cyst on ovary
-hyperalgesia
-raynauds syndrome
-fibromyalgia (we don’t know what’s wrong with you so here’s a label)!

Things I’ve tried (some consistently some not, usually because of getting “injured” or a flare up)
-osteopathy
-physiotherapy
-Feldenkrais
-somatic experiencing therapy
-EFT
-mindfulness
-stretches
-Pilates
-swimming
-yoga
-spiritual healing
-seeing a nutritionist
-supplements
-homeopathy
-psychotherapy (weekly for 6 years)
-journaling
-read Sarnos books and I am half way through Steve O’s
-read through Alan’s programme
-read many of the success stories on here and YouTube
-read many other books on the mind and body, trauma, pain, mindfulness, addictions, neuroplasticity etc etc

I spoke to Georgie Oldfield last year but didn’t go ahead with the Sirpa programme as it was over £1000 and at that time I was still having weekly psychotherapy. Those sessions have just come to an end so I’m prepared to look at seeing a TMS therapist. I spoke to Louise Levy today who is a TMS therapist and although it isn’t cheap to do the Sirpa programme with her, I need some guidance.

My belief in TMS is strong but I think that the conditioning and the neural pathways pull me back to thinking that some of my pain is still from old injuries, or inflammation from something I might of eaten or an undiagnosed issue like an autoimmune disease (which Georgie Oldfield talks about on her website) Or whether there’s “nervous system involvement” which Steve O speaks of in his book. Only recently the person I see for healing who does believe in TMS, said it sounds like it could be inflammation of my nervous system, when I was telling him about the various parts of my body that are currently hurting. Or whether I should get an MRI done on my hip again as I didn’t after I injured it!
However I am very succeptible to suggestion so I’d only want to be told if there was something seriously wrong!
I’ve had blood tests, mineral tests etc etc.
All seem to be ok, or if one wasn’t then I just took supplements to correct the levels.

I wish I was one of these people that had the book cure or that I could just say f@ck it (excuse the language) and go for a run, or do anything physical that I have stopped doing for fear of pain or injury, but the fear of pain or injury (which almost always seems to happen) is high, which then impacts on my life and work and bank balance. I know/think most of if not all of it is fear based and I can link a lot of my pain to emotions and or situations in my life.

I want to use my body the way it was intended to be used, run (although apparently that isn’t advisable when you have osteopenia), so I’d settle for just walking or swimming, freely without my hip “flaring up” or shoulder. Id like to put weight on my left hand doing a yoga pose etc without my wrist or the 4 year old hand injury “flaring up”.
A week or so ago I had a thought that I’m in pain whether I exercise or not so I got my rebounder out and used it for 5 mins, yes 5 mins!, gently, for 2 days. On the 3rd day, my right ankle that I rolled over 1.5 years ago started hurting and continued to hurt, so I stopped using the rebounder!. I feel frustrated as I used to love exercising, and I want to just move freely.

I know my body isn’t weak but it is obviously weaker than someone that currently does physical exercise a lot more than I do, so i believe I also need to be realistic and build up my strength as it’s visually clear of the muscle loss.

Any thoughts, suggestions? And has anyone followed the Sirpa programme and seen a Sirpa trained therapist?

Thank you for reading (if you got this far) and I hope to be able to post my success story one day!

 

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, @Smithyjules. Trust me, you are not alone in this. This sentence right here is everything:

For what it's worth, many of us didn't immediately heal after reading the books. I had one of the top neurologists anyone can find explaining to me that my pain was from a sympathetic nervous system caused by stress and powerful emotions (also known as TMS ). He said my pain would resolve once I believed the diagnosis. Here's the problem: I did believe him, but my pain didn't go away, so I stopped believing him. (But he was 100% correct! And so were all the other doctors who said my problems were from stress!)

So what happened? Despite my belief in what the neurologist was saying, I was still fearful and obsessive over the symptoms, watching and waiting for them to disappear. The attention I paid to the symptoms only intensified them, making me even more fearful and obsessive! Even when I tried ignoring them, deep down I was always upset they didn't go away fast enough. How long was it going to take - days, weeks, longer?

It sounds like you know quite a bit about the mind-body connection/TMS. Here's the thing: sometimes information overload can hold us back from simply letting go and getting back to fully living life again without fear and obsession. It may feel like you need to be "perfect" and follow a very specific routine to heal. But when you feel this way, you're still activating your sympathetic nervous system, further bringing on those symptoms.

Here's another thing that caught my eye:

Your injury healed. It definitely shouldn't be causing pain. As Steve Ozanich would say, that's a symptom of anxiety and powerful emotions (TMS):

Ultimately, I think part of the issue here might be focusing on the symptoms and waiting to heal, which can often have the opposite effect. Additionally, OCD, eating disorders, etc. are a sign of perfectionism. It sounds like wanting to be perfect (another common TMS trait) is playing a key role. When was the last time you had a great day where you didn't think too much about the symptoms? When you use relaxation techniques, are you still thinking a lot about healing?

 

Thank you for your reply.
I definitely focus on the symptoms and healing. There are many times i can think back to where I had various symptoms but when i was focused on doing something and my mind wasn’t focusing on the pain, the pain wasn’t there.
I find myself testing if the pain is there which i think just reinforces the neural pathways.

I am so ready to let go off this life of pain and have a life where my body feels that it has the freedom to move the way i want to and the way it needs to. I actually wanted to be a personal trainer many years ago and who knows, maybe one day that will become a reality!
I am definitely in a better place when it comes to perfectionism and I don’t really suffer from OCD anymore but perfectionism does still play a part.

I am grateful for the successs stories as they reinforce that a life free of my symptoms is possible for me

 

Hi Smithyjules, I have foot pain that has made one leg a different length than the other because it tightened up my right side to compensate. Did you resolve this through TMS work? Or did you need something else? I still have the foot pain but am hoping it will go away with TMS work and the gait will return to normal.